I’m in my 40s and have just recently achieved “having my own place” for the first time in my life, and it’s so incredible.
I love having a sanctuary, a place that I am guaranteed to be able to unwind.
For the first couple months after I moved in here, any time a door would slam in the building, I’d think “Oh darn they’re home”.
Because my whole life before this, alone time was something I got when whoever I was living with happened to be out. I therefore couldn’t control the alone time, and it could end without warning at any time. I’d be in my unwinding phase, recuperating from life and social contact, and then slam the front door would close and my mom, or my roommate, or whoever, would be home.
So now, my favorite part of the day is when my commute is over, and I open the door to my apartment, and it’s just so … mine. Like every aspect of the place is a reflection of a decision I made. I finally have a home.
For 2023 I made a resolution, for the first time since the 90s. The resolution was to have $5000 in the bank.
I pushed hard, got up to about $3500, then my housing situation changed and I had to pay higher rent. The savings rate become quite low assuming perfect discipline. I don’t have perfect discipline so my savings rate was just a couple hundred a month.
After the moving expenses I’m back down then slowly up to about $2k in the bank.
Overall, I failed to reach the $5k, but it did change my relationship with money in a major way. Until this year, until I decided to make savings my top priority, I was always living paycheck to paycheck. I’m 41. This has been my entire adult life: worrying about whether I’ll make the next round of bills. Often asking for extensions on my rent. Paying lots of late fees.
This year is the first time I’ve lived with any kind of financial surplus. When my rent is due I don’t even check my balance I just pay it. All the other bills are on auto. It’s such an amazing feeling.
So that was last year. This coming year my goal is to be present for people. I’ve lost too many friendships from neglect on my part. And Ive passed up too many opportunities to connect, because I wanted to maintain my freedom.
My whole life Ive separated myself, doing everything I can to cut ties and maintain flexibility. My resolution this year is to stay present for the people in my life, to commit to and fulfill some social obligations. To stop worrying so much about how I feel and focus more on what I can do for people.
Do you game on xbox by any chance? I’m spending this NYE alone because I’m generally a hermit/loser. So I’m probably gonna smoke weed like chimney and play battlefield 2042, must like I do most nights.
You could join in, if you’d like.
I’ve considered going out alone, trying to meet some people. But it’s just so sad.