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Stalinwolf

@Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca

🇨🇦

An invincible wolf man, who is like a wolf in every regard save for the fact that he can fly.

(Note: This might be misinformation)

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Stalinwolf,
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Yeah, because my wife and I are pieces of shit and put off laundry until I have no other option.

Stalinwolf,
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It’s referred to as double doggin’.

Stalinwolf, (edited )
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One of my cats (who is very sweet but a tad mentally handicapped) likes to try to get into people’s food while they’re eating it. Especially my toddler’s, who is an easy target. Poultry and sliced turkey are her most popular choices. She had a bit of a rough life before we wound up with her, and has a mild food insecurity (when it suits her) and what seems like a streak of ferality despite her love for affection.

Anyway, whenever I catch her sneaking a piece of food off a plate, I go, “GET OUTTA HERE, YA FUCKIN’ RAT!”, and she runs off, sometimes with a piece of food, then stops to devour it and/or furiously lick her feet and play it off cool. It’s annoying, but she’s loved, and I guess at the end of the day the vibe just wouldn’t be right it she wasn’t a fuckin’ rat every now and then.

It’s the sodium that will get her one of these days. But ya live like a rat, ya fuckin’ die like a rat.

https://lemmy.ca/pictrs/image/d2c7c37c-1004-41e3-bbfd-b634beb02727.png

Stalinwolf,
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“YES, M’LORD?”

“WHAT IS IT?”

“MORE WERK?”

“RIGHT-O…”

“OFF I GO, THEN!”

Stalinwolf,
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I love seeing how this crusty bastard devolves over time. I don’t know that anyone can make him look any worse at this point.

Stalinwolf, (edited )
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I’m not huge of cuddling and tend to get overheated easily when I do, but I find it really pleasurable (non-sexually) when my wife runs her finger/fingernail on my hand or arm. Just light touch in general feels incredibly stimulating, but it’s kind of a weird thing to outright ask for so I just kind of enjoy it when it comes around. I also like when my kid steps on my arms or legs when climbing on me. I should probably look into massage therapy.

Stalinwolf,
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That’s cool to know. I don’t think I would be comfortable seeking the touch/grazing part from a therapist, but I’ve never had a professional massage and I feel like I’d really benefit from one. My legs especially. I figure it’s due to being on my feet full-time at my job, but pushing and dragging my palms along my quads before bed every feels incredible.

Stalinwolf, (edited )
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I don’t honestly know why it feels so weird. I guess maybe because it feels a little self-serving and silly. Like, asking for a massage serves a function to relieve muscle tension. But asking for stimulating tickles on my arm makes me feel self-conscious for some reason.

Stalinwolf, (edited )
@Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca avatar

I always thought I was pretty well put together and low-cringe, but every now and then I get a Facebook memory (I know, but I moved to another country and this is my lifeline to my friends and family) from ~2010 that really sheds some fucking light on exactly why I didn’t have a girlfriend. These memories reveal to me that I was indeed very cringe, and very much a product of some of the lamest internet culture in recent memory. The frequent use of the cat face emoticon :3 when interacting with girls is enough to make me want to bury these things where they can never be seen again. Conversely, these memories serve as a reminder of not only just how far I’ve come as a man, but also as a husband, a father, and a member of society.

EDIT: It’s worth mentioning that these mishaps are extremely prevalent in old exchanges between my wife and I as well, so at the very least her and I are able to cringe over them together.

Stalinwolf,
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He used the weird cup we use to wash my daughter’s hair.

https://lemmy.ca/pictrs/image/cd3e69c9-d068-44b3-8165-1ca88f154a56.jpeg

Stalinwolf,
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Canada is prepared to open the beaver gate for our allies to the south, but please, calm down everyone. Sorry.

Stalinwolf, (edited )
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“Aahhhhh, fuck. What’s a cat’s nose look like again? Whatever.”

Stalinwolf,
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Yam section. Can’t miss it.

Stalinwolf, (edited )
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Produce Manager here. Place the end that opens directly between your two palms, and rub your palms together vigorously. The bag will stick to one palm or both, opening every time. Please stop licking your fingers to open these bags and then picking through our vegetables. You’re gross.

Stalinwolf, (edited )
@Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca avatar

It was hit or miss at previous jobs. I worked at Kmart for a few years and would often help the stock guys round up carts in the evening. During summer evenings it was kind of fun wandering way out into that concrete sea with the boys, rounding up impossibly far carts and running the wrong carts (or electric scooters) back to the grocery store next door. But during the winter it was hell on fucking earth, and I’d help them round them up just to spare them the agony of a slipped disk.

I live in Canada now and couldn’t imagine rounding up carts during these cold snaps. You’d probably stick to them, imprisoning you in parking lot until you succumb to frostbite.

Stalinwolf, (edited )
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Fucking hell. I don’t even eat make stews and this is exactly what I need.

Edit: I absolutely eat stew when offered. It’s been a while.

Stalinwolf, (edited )
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That bowl is doing it’s absolute best.

Edit: Removed the “fuck off” because it came across as serious.

Stalinwolf,
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FFffFflooUuriishhh the pinkaaayyyyyy!

Stalinwolf,
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Holy shit. They were children. These chicks were older than me back then and looked like adults.

Stalinwolf,
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Large Man Cums on Bus

Stalinwolf,
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Wow, dude. I haven’t thought about Dickbutt in ages.

Stalinwolf,
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This is like every modern Christmas movie where they think kids won’t get it unless Santa’s sleigh no longer runs on old magic, but on futuristic technology, guages, panels, samouflanges and discombobulators.

Stalinwolf,
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It’s up to Barron now to bring this entire operation down. I remember how much he looked as though he didn’t want to be there at the inauguration. It can only be him.

Stalinwolf,
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Can a man truly be wooshed when he doesn’t possess the required knowledge in the first place? I say not. This is an unjust woosh.

Stalinwolf, (edited )
@Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca avatar

This is bringing back memories of not only finding the same thing, but also of the turd that I found in my front flower box one February that was full of cables.

I present that turd to you now.

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