I kinda always knew she’d end up my ex girlfriend, and that shit was bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Don’t speak, I know just what you’re thinking. It didn’t happen. Well. You’re right. It didn’t.
His performance in Encino Man moved me to tears. When he wheezed the juice in that wheezing the juice scene I couldn’t breathe. The cashier had such a small role, but my god was it powerful. “No wheezing the juuuuuuh uuuuice!”
When I found out the caveman started a band I was ecstatic. Part 2 wasn’t as good as the first one, but it was still pretty good.
I know it’s stupid, but I just can’t give up good food. My stomach will hurt so bad it feels like I have back problems or something and I’m still not eating spaghetti without my garlic bread.
I don’t eat the good stuff constantly, most of my meals are bland. When I get a chance though I don’t pass on it.
I don’t think anything has made me this happy, Vern. Haha
The caption, the photo. Perfection.
Jim Varney made my sense of humor growing up. The only video that exists of me as a kid has me standing there speaking in my thick Appalachian twang, “luuhk mawmy, I’m like Ernest wittem numchyucks.” Then I sway my body back and forth and go, “uh yuh yuh” as I fall to the ground.
For real though, a friend of mine recently (August) walked into a gas station and asked the girl working there if she was married. She said yes. He said, “You the type keep a man on the side?”
The next day he was in handcuffs. He’s a strange dude and he says things to women that I don’t think he should, so naturally, I doubted him.
He was charged with stalking, trespassing after being forbidden, and assault.
His lawyer managed to get the video from the store and the body cam video from the officer who responded. He brought the USB drive by a few days ago after the charges were dismissed so I could see the video. He doesn’t want his friends to think he’s a piece of shit.
I watched it. He said exactly what I said above and told her to have a good day, turned back around to say, “Good on you for being faithful. You ever get sick of him, remember me.” Was it nasty to say that? Absolutely. A crime? Absolutely not.
The body cam video was the most interesting part. The woman said, “He came in here and told me outright that he wanted to fuck me. I told him I was married and I figured that would be the end of it, just like with other creepy men. I asked him to please not come here while I’m working.” The cop interrupts, “Well that’s trespassing right there. I’ll git eem fer that too.” She continued, “Well, he had a massive erection and he stood here playing with it through his shorts. He wanted me to see it. He came over beside the counter and kind of stepped behind where I was at.” Cop interrupts again, “Ok so he actually came behind the counter?” “Not fully, but he did step back there about a step or two.” She replied. Cop says, “well ‘ats assault right there. I can charge em with that too. So did he take his penis out where you could see it? I’d like to charge him with indecent exposure too but unless you seen his penis, like, the flesh, I cain’t do that. I’m gonna git eem with stalkin’ too though.” She replied, “Well no, I didn’t see his actual penis, but he stood there rubbing it through his shorts and motioning his head for me to look at it. It was a big old boner. I was scared to death. He kept saying, “you know I can give it to you good, won’t you walk in the women’s bathroom with me.” and stuff like that. I called my husband and he came out here. When the guy came back a third time he walked in and walked right back out when he seen my husband.”
On the video he walked in, said, “Well, damn. I left my wallet at home. I’ll be right back.” Her husband said, “no, you won’t be right back. You ain’t welcome in here anymore.” He paused for a second and looked at him dumbfounded and said, “Well, alright. This ain’t the only gas station in town. Bye then.”
I watched the video from the gas station. None of it happened. Everything she said was pure fantasy. I spent from August until a few days ago thinking he was a total fucking creep. I can’t believe he was charged at all and I can’t believe the girl didn’t back out when the manager offered to get the video for the police. Oh, and the assault charge. He stepped behind the counter to reach over and grab a paper towel to clean coffee he spilled. He has been stopping there for 20 years and didn’t think it would be a problem.
She also said he didn’t pay for his coffee on the video so I’m surprised officer Doofy didn’t charge him with shoplifting too.
Us men gotta be careful. For real.
Women too, because assholes like the one she described to the officer do exist and women contend with them daily. Lying, dangerous women also exist too.
I’d be afraid to hit on a total stranger. I wouldn’t want to anyway because that’s not the type of person I am. If I were though, I’d be too afraid to do it. Every woman I’ve ever been with said something to me first. I never wanted to come off as a creep and I like women who assert themselves anyway.
Fortunately there was video and the charges were dropped.
I’m glad I figgered it oot. All I miss are the video subs. I can live without them.
YouTube can’t get it right, I watched one video about police brutality 15 years ago and now they think I just want to watch people get pummeled by cops all day and be mad about it. I can’t just go subscribing to a community with content I like on there, gotta subscribe to individuals and hope the right stuff rolls in. I just don’t watch many videos these days.!
Shaving? Haircuts? I can’t stand being in one place long enough to fool with either. I’m pacing around here looking like Jesus Christ right now. I’m almoooossst annoyed enough by my hair to beg someone to cut it or shave it off.
No doubt. Wanna fight me? (lemm.ee)
Oscar winner and sexiest man alive! (lemmy.world)
Spices too (lemm.ee)
Bastards. SHARE YOUR TECHNOLOGY (lemmy.world)
Great Scott, Vern! (lemmy.world)
Ernest Goes Back to the Future.
Damn brain (lemmy.zip)
Oblivious (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
Source
Meow (lemmy.world)
Feeling the lack of moderation now Reddit? (lemm.ee)
Shocked Pikachu face meme.
Feel the bass (sh.itjust.works)
Call me an idiot, but I would die laughing even if something like this happened to me (files.catbox.moe)
Wine 9.0 is now available (gitlab.winehq.org)
What can I do for you THIS TIME (lemmy.world)
She's just intimidated to be with a rugged lumberjack (startrek.website)
If the borg were a religion (lemmy.world)
Dreamcatcher (lemmy.world)