I don’t have many words of comfort, but I will say this: Even if when you look around you, it seems empty - that does not mean you are alone!
Conversely the same applies for me in my case, I’m supposed to have some family members around me for Christmas… and yet I feel much more disconnected and alone now than I ever have.
Logically, I know that my brain is just playing tricks on me. I have friends who truly care about me, and a few family members who do. But my siblings who are coming to visit us? They pretend to care (at least from my perspective), yet I doubt they do. I’ve heard from others the thoughts they have about me, and it’s really sad to hear.
Unfortunately, the heart often does not follow logic. I can’t help but feel how I do. The only thing I can do is just as I have, which is continuing to push on as hard as I can - some days I don’t make any progress and it feels like I’m frozen in a single frame of the timeline… But I live for the days where the bad fades away, even if only briefly.
So it’s not much, I know, but I will be thinking of you and the rest of my friends here at the Fediverse (and my personal friends of course) throughout the holidays! Some days the road is dark, but you’ll never have to walk it alone.