Last time (and first) i went to therapy i was low on money and because of our insurance i “only”(be warned, veru european amounts ahead) had to pay my “own risk” clause which sat at €385. But i REALLY needed some form of help during that time, i had some job interviews and i was physically unable to drag myself to them.
I got about halfway and just break down completely, so i was desperate and literally stuck in life from my point of view.
So i went to therapy with my last money and ended getting 3 sessions and a “we can’t help you there is nothing wrong here’s the bill tho”.
I still don’t know how i managed to get out of there, but i can still feel it pulling in the background…this constant dragging brake.
I don’t think psychadelics can get me out of this, i tried weed once and man did i have a bad time. I’ve always had this: “i wouldn’t mind not existing/suicide would be great right about now” kind of brain and the weed didn’t help the worse part of that battle.
I’m very bad with names, but our huisarts had a in house guy presumably that praktijkondersteuner and i had a couple talks with him about potential causes of what was causing issues. He noticed me being hyper aware and asked some stuff about my past which led to him sending me to the nearest psychology “clinic” which was covered under insurance but they are operating at “for profit” and will be aiming to get you out of there asap. I was warned about them but they were the only one within reach as we were very limited in travel distance.
I can’t really remember what we talked about during those 3 sessions but it was clear that her supervisor took over control as she was the one who very clearly and straightforward told me our sessions would be cut off.
Tbh it sort of felt like i was causing her issues leading to her supervisor having to take over control. It’s odd how i can’t remember what we talked about but i do remember the feelings that passed during those sessions.