Well... you haven't met Kyle. When he lets one rip... everybody in the room teleports outta there. dude should ask his doctor about lactose intolerance...
First video game I remember playing? Short Order on NES (with the pad.) That was followed shortly by monopoly- also NES.
First game I beat? was dad's copy of Zelda (NES,) Which... I wasn't supposed to be playing. I got caught when I saw my dad was struggling with the water temple.
"Dad...dad DAD. you go here. get that. Do this. And then do this that and this."
"Oh. Cool. wait. how do you know this?"
"Oh i beat it last week."
<awkward pause>
"you better pay attention. that's the boss."
"We're not telling mom about this."
this works until you come across people that actually think that hyperbole is normal. Every time you think "oh, they can't be that idiotic...." that's when the knuckledraggers take as a challenge.