There is significant propability by just beeing here that you were hurt in the past and you didn’t heal properly. First step before acknowledging the pain is to go to a safe place, where there are no toxic people and where your basic needs are met. Hurt people are like magnet for toxic people, and hurt people are comforted by familiarity of toxicity.
Christian church is made of people. And people are sinful and evil.
Religion doesn’t come from what other people tell you is truth, but from your experience. What experience have you lead you to believe in higher power?
I have experienced Luck so good and so significant in my life that I can only exlain it by intervention of higher power. But maybe you didn’t experienced something like that, and I can understand that.
Religion comes from within, and not from external sources.