The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”. In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kom tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
I’ll admit, the first 2 read-throughs I thought it was the woman saying the captions. On the third, I thought it was maybe a conversation, but I couldn’t figure out who was saying what. On the fourth, I laughed.
Sure, I’m down. My point is, there’s really no point to over-analyse it. Choose one, flip a coin, hold a referendum, I really don’t care as long as we stop having these pointless changes twice a year.
There just always seems to be an excuse and then it goes into an argument of standard over summer. It really doesn’t matter. It’s impossible to please all and cover every single use-case. Humans will adapt.
Let’s just flip a coin. Heads we stick with summer time, tails we stick with standard. In 2026 it goes live. Gives everyone 2 years to update what they need. Humans will adapt.