It’s possible to change your personality. Most people have several. You probably don’t act the same way towards your best friend as you do towards your boss or towards a random stranger. Sales people change their personalities to match the person they’re trying to sell to.
If you’re talking about changing lifestyles and habits, that’s absolutely possible too. It just takes a lot of determination and repetition.
I believe you can! To change honestly is an epic task, you need willpower & foremost the characteristic of self reflection, self observation from the most possible objective perspective (I know, complete objectivity not achievable), and you need a person you can trust to get another point of view imo, but at the end of the day you need only one thing: the honest, straight and truthful will to change. I’ve seen people turn 180°. That’s what life is for imo.
It is certainly possible to adjust some measurable elements of personality. For example, use of psilocybin (magic mushrooms) has been shown to alter measurable personality factors.
Yes you can. What helped me was to keep asking myself, “what kind of person do I want to be?”
That internal mantra guided me to make different choices to become a different person, a better one, generally. And it’s not even big decisions/choices. It was a lot of little things that I did differently, but consistently.
I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s a process. I had to keep constant, that question, in my mind. Like others have said, habits are hard to break, so it will take some persistence.
I think you mean 180. 360 would be a full rotation, you’d be going from the dark side to the light side back to the dark side. But yes, it’s possible to change someone by overshadowing their bad influences. Good influences, by definition, have more influential potential.
If you didn’t change it willingly, you’ll be forced to change it when you have kids. I know for a fact that I’m not the person I was 10 years ago. Not even close.
I did it just by myself. I just kept critiquing myself after a negative interaction and trying to figure out why I got angry or frustrated. I still give in to that anger once in a while but I’ve gotten better.
I learned it’s easier for me to forgive when I’ve had proper sleep, actually. I also look at it from the other person’s side and think of what problems that person is going through and excuse them for whatever is frustrating me.
It’s easy to think of it like a shitty driver and getting angry at them. Why are they speeding? Could be a bathroom emergency. Could be meeting a loved one at the hospital. I don’t know, so I’m not gonna judge.
I just kept critiquing myself after a negative interaction and trying to figure out why I got angry or frustrated.
This bit really is key.
Some of our emotions are legit. Sometimes someone really did try to screw you over or something. But a lot of times…our feelings are based on assumptions that aren’t true, and when you pick at the emotion a bit you start to realize you assumed the wrong thing, or didn’t consider something else.
So it’s important to critique yourself, and think about what happened, and try to dig down into the true root of the situation, separate truth from fact.
I grew up in an abusive home and generally am laid-back so it’s hard to get me angry. I had to learn that in my case, the anger I felt actually was valid and not just something I was blowing out of proportion–most people who talk a lot about anger are approaching from the other angle, and have to learn the opposite, that not everything is worth getting angry about.
But both of us, regardless of our “natural starting point”, have to learn how to think about stuff that happened, and ask questions, and try to figure out what happened and why.
I speed because then I’m not stuck in the 7-9 over range with every other asshole. Trust me. 15 over is worth the ticket. You hit way more patches of open road on the interstate if you blast ahead of the snarls. I’m taking 20 miles on a 3 lane with no one in front of you. It’s almost as nice as when everyone was dying from covid. The roads were so empty and stress free. We’ll never get back to that paradise.
I wasn’t like this before. This is one aspect of how my personality changed. Why do you care if I pass your 9-over ass? You shouldn’t. I don’t tailgate. I don’t drive crazy. I’m just going to go fast enough that I don’t get stuck behind every asshole that sets their cruise in the fast lane.
It's a slow and difficult process, but yes. There are certain personality disorders that can be provably put into "remission," and if people with conditions that severe can change their personalities, anyone can.
You have to learn how you've been conditioned to think and feel the way you do, and get a lot of self-discipline re: stopping to notice your feelings, figure out why they're arising, think through the consequences of acting on them, and choosing a better way.
I hate to use terms like this since they're so often the territory of conspiracy nutjobs, but you're basically deprogramming yourself. For example, a sensitive person who's been exposed to a lot of bullying might have learned some pretty intense defensive reaction, so you'd have to stop every time you think "what did he mean by that?" and think of why that's your first reaction, then choose to believe the best possible meaning even though your feelings scream at you not to. And you'd maybe keep a journal to remind yourself of all the times you were right to assume the best, since a defensive mind discards the positive and overemphasizes the negative.
This sort of thing is best accomplished with the aid of a mental health professional, but there are workbooks you can get if that's out of cost/feasibility reach for you. You'd need to know your deal to know which ones to focus on.
My belief is yes and no. Like many biological things it’s both nurture and nature.
Many people think that the way they act is their “personality”, when it seems more accurate that they have feelings/urges/likes/dislikes that manifest in a certain way and don’t know any other way to act.
And because they might not have known a “them” where they were able to channel those urges in another direction (because they’re young, or never tried, or have never seen an example at home to follow because their family is shitty or out of control) they think that manifestation IS their personality and is completely out of their control. Which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because if you think something can never change you won’t even try, and then it CERTAINLY won’t change.
Changing how your own urges manifest is within your power. It’s not always easy, but it is within your power. (Mental illnesses do make it harder, as mental illness often messes with things like emotional control or executive function, both of which are helpful to have when changing how you react to things. But I have known people with mental illnesses who made an effort to try, and those who did not, and even then there’s a difference when it comes to actually “trying”, and even with mental illness those who try and learn and grow get further than those who do not…although it does not magically “cure” the illness.)
Basically, it’s possible to skill up when it comes to self-awareness, emotional control, and even understanding what is and isn’t a threat, and all those things change how various aspects of your personality manifest in the real world.
But, beneath that, there are “the big five” personality traits that seem “real” to the extent that science pursuing investigation into them. Those are:
<span style="color:#323232;">* Openness to experience (includes aspects such as intellectual curiosity and creative imagination)
</span><span style="color:#323232;">* Conscientiousness (organization, productiveness, responsibility)
</span><span style="color:#323232;">* Extroversion (sociability, assertiveness; its opposite is Introversion)
</span><span style="color:#323232;">* Agreeableness (compassion, respectfulness, trust in others)
</span><span style="color:#323232;">* Neuroticism (tendencies toward anxiety and depression)
</span>
People who are interested in and have the drive towards self-improvement can gain and practice skills that help them redirect behavior and urges within themselves that they don’t like. For example, maybe someone who gets angry really easily starts to recognize when they’re feeling like that, and instead of shouting at others and ruining relationships, they go out running and get some exercise. Or, the reverse–someone who never stands up for themselves learns to.
I don’t think it’ll eradicate some tendency towards certain personality traits–but it can bring them under control so you stop holding yourself back due to it.
I have a friend, and he and I have made opposite journeys when it comes to anger. He’s had to learn how to channel it back, tone it down. I’ve had to learn that my anger is “okay” to express sometimes. We were opposite ends of the spectrum and have each made progress more towards the center. We still default back to what seems our “inborn personality”, but we also have a lot of times when we act different ways because we’ve chosen to and have better control over ourselves. And when you do that all the time? Well, it’s a pattern, and it’s “you” just as much as anything is.
I’m generally soft-spoken IRL, and quiet, and a loner. But I’m also a writer, and because I wanted to progress in that Craft, I learned to write and “speak” with authority, because a writer who quivers and wrings their hands every other sentence and seems to lack confidence isn’t going to be interesting or compelling to read.
This is not a natural talent of mine–but I worked on it. And I worked. And I worked. And I did eventually gain skill in “sounding” confident in myself–to the extent it sometimes causes trouble because people expect one thing when they’ve read my writing, but get someone who is much quieter and much less talkative in person. Obviously, I have not put the same work into my in-person speech, and have not worked on dispelling my wallflower status there, but having seen how things turned around for me in writing because I kept trying, I imagine I could turn it around in person if I wanted to.
…IF I wanted to.
“Wanting” to change is probably the biggest thing when it comes to self-improvement. If you don’t like who you are and want to change it, it’s really important to cultivate that desire, because that DESIRE to change is the thing that keeps you going through the hard, frustrating parts of changing and gaining skills in self-understanding and self-control.
I have gradually turned myself into a more compassionate person by deliberately working on managing my emotions. I’m a lot less angry and far more open minded than me of ten years ago. There’s hope if you really want it.
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