It was kind of a slow burn. Every time I heard a new argument against the existence of God, I’d repeat to myself, “Just because I can’t think of the answer doesn’t mean there isn’t one.” You can only say that so many times before it starts to feel like you’re being stubborn.
Probably the most compelling argument was, to me, the contradictory nature of an all-knowing God existing in the same reality as free will.
I decided I was an atheist (logically) a long time before I started to feel like an atheist (emotionally). What pushed me over the line there was when it was pointed out to me the sheer arrogance of looking out at the massive, incomprehensible scale of the universe and saying, “the creator of that really cares about me in particular.”
So now I say I’m an atheist, somewhere between gnostic and agnostic. I can’t rule out the existence of something that could be called God by someone’s definition, but I’m confident the abrahamic god, the one I grew up with, can’t exist.
There were just too many contradictions and the more I learned about science, especially physics, astronomy, and psychology, and the way the world works, I discovered that there is always a rational explanation for things, even if sometimes the knowledge necessary to comprehend something is not something I possess personally at the moment. People who would preach in my church would confidently claim things I knew to be fallacies, misleading, or straight up incorrect, not out of malice but their own ignorance as well, and I stopped trusting the words of religious leaders as I discovered they were as human as myself- their faith didn’t protect them from error or make them better people, and eventually I just couldn’t fall back on faith or ideology to be the bedrock of my moral or philosophical compass because it just wasn’t trustworthy.
The last phone I had before I got an Android phone was an LG EnV2. I still have the thing, it still turns on though no networks support it and the battery is toast. Sometimes I just hold it in my hand for a few minutes because it’s just such a nicer thing to interact with than my S10e.
I don’t really count it as a “dumb phone” though. I had some Samsung slider before that that really was a “Camera phone.” Effectively no web browser, no app ecosystem at all, you could barely get the pictures it took out of it. The EnV2 was USB, there were games and things you could get for it, it had some email and web capability.
Then I got my LG Ally phone running some android version from before they started naming them after sweets, and it’s all been downhill from there.
you could barely get the pictures it took out of it.
Ugh. I had some kind of old Samsung flip phone in the late 2000’s and I had a picture on it of my ATV hanging upside down in the top of a tree. Easily 20m high. But I had trouble getting the pic off the phone, and now the phone is long gone.
Was up at 4am and thought… oh! I can scan some of those old family photos I’ve been meaning to get to. Just ended up on my iPad reading the news and browsing Etsy and eBay for two hours instead. Every time, I remind myself I need to keep screens out of the bedroom.
Otherwise, if it’s nearly morning anyway, I find it a good time to listen to music and make playlists. If it’s too early, I’ll read a book.
Move to the couch, and read a boring book if you can’t sleep. Don’t do anything stimulating or chances are it will make it harder to eventually go back to sleep.
Well, if the plan is to eventually continue to sleep, I’d say nothing. Once you get up and start doing something you will just get more awake and it will taken even longer to fall back asleep.
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