AbsoluteChicagoDog,

Mustard obviously. It’s objectively the least disgusting and has the most use cases.

pewgar_seemsimandroid, (edited )

mayochup if olny hinez (how spell)

not_woody_shaw,

Sriracha

intensely_human,

Do I get to know what I’m choosing it for?

Mayo is best for creating a slippery surface. Mustard stings the most in the eyes, and ketchup allows me to play dead by mimicking blood.

So I need to know the context to know what kind of Jason Bourne scenario my condiment is for.

Cannizzaro,

here we put ketchup on pizza until it’s completely covered by it. something like this except you can’t even see the toppings and cheese just ketchup https://feddit.ch/pictrs/image/689aaafa-cedb-43be-85d4-7d0c5d2f3503.png

Deconceptualist, (edited )

All of these have more variety and nuance then you might think, at least based on what major US grocers carry.

Mustard comes in a ton of varieties, from smooth to course to whole-grain, or with extra flavors like horseradish or cayenne or champagne. I’ve even heard of bourbon and curry mustards.

Ketchup too is an entire category and not beholden to tomatoes. You can use all kinds of fruits like mango or golden berries as your base, add sauteed garlic and onions, then blend it up with some brown sugar and vinegar for a mighty fine condiment.

And homemade mayonnaise is just on another level. It’s pretty simple to make, but it doesn’t stay fresh long. Otherwise try the Polish Winiary brand, it’s 90% as good, especially on something like sweet potato fries. Mayo is also the basis for aoli and nearly every picnic/potluck “salad” (e.g. potato salad, broccoli bacon salad, etc). Stop buying the Kraft and Hellman’s crap, those are mostly flavorless soybean oil.

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