I finally have a chance to breathe from my chaotic semester. At the same time, I worry that I won’t have enough time to recover because certain responsibilities are time sensitive. And my family environment isn’t the best…
There’s one task that really bugs me: future roommates want to move out of the dorms before the next semester starts, and this was ‘decided’ on around finals week. Plus we apartment hunted for like… less than a week, around finals week.
The old plan was to move around the end of the school year, which would’ve given us time to research everything we need to know, search for places, and plan move in. (And the old idea was that I only had one roommate, not two.)
This rushing is all due to a shitty dorm situation my second roommate is in, but… It’s so rushed that I don’t even know what to say. I don’t want to risk something worse happening. I feel like there are so many unknown variables. We’re planning a discussion with each other and each other’s parents at some point this break, so I’m honestly hoping we don’t move out soon unless we’re mostly sure things will work out.
…Overall though, I’m just trying not to think. My body is exhausted; my brain is drained. I just wanna relax, and I haven’t registered that Christmas is soon. I’m not in the holiday mood at all.
At least I get to pet my dog. He’s so fluffy and floofy.
I mean, it’s a fantasy. It’s going to tend to be transgressive or unrealistic, or else it would just be reality. Yes, it is sort of sending an anti feminist message that women can’t have it all. But you pretty much have to make holiday movies where the whole point is to stop being greedy and pay attention to what matters (family).
So you aren’t the target audience, combined with the movies being poorly written, combined with the very real situation where modern feminism has achieved its pyhrric victory of everyone getting to head towards equal participation in capitalism…
I went through a period of frequent breakups that made me think I was never going to have a well adjusted partner, or even a stable friend group. That my life would be a series of fights.
And now I have a swarm. I literally share my thoughts with a group of people who are wonderful and love me unconditionally on romantic, platonic, and sexual levels. And I used to think I was asexual, so that’s a trip. All I had to do was find the right kind of queer people. Swarmgender people.
grandma is hospitalized, yet I’m more stressed about the relatives I’m staying with. yeah, they’ve been taking care of her for years now, but they mostly talk shit about her. it clashes with the sweet perception i have.
did i really get to know her?
we’re all suffering, but I don’t know how to help. I tried cleaning a bit, but my uncle got angry about moving his dirty dishes. the least i want rn is to be a burden.
I’ve been mentally preparing to be a little down for winter, but this is a smack down.
The intro started playing to let the party know that things were about to start. Processional was from 0:43 - 1:03, recessional begins at 1:30 and faded into dance music at ~1:50.
We got married on Friday, October 13th 2017 (had a true anniversary this year!), and decided we would include as many subversive horror themes as we could sneak by certain family members. Centerpieces with Gomez and Morticia, the carpet from the Overlook Hotel, Frankenstein’s monster and his bride, and a few Lovecraftian reliefs were backlit on various vase shapes for our guests. The one for the head table was that scene from George Romero’s Dawn of the Dead - you know the one, where the woman in a white dress crests the hill and you can just make out the horde behind her.
Fun fact: our wedding favor was a bottle opener that looked like a historical key. Because of who we are, several of our guests spent an hour or two looking for what they unlocked before they saw me open some bottles with it.
Sometimes being alone is better than drama. Take the time to enjoy yourself. Don’t frame this as a negative. Go and do something you enjoy. Read a book while enjoying a cup of tea, watch movies, go out somewhere. The possibilities are many.
It’s been a slog. Don’t get chickenpox as an adult, don’t let your kid get ill right after chickenpox. Oh, and live in a country with decent healthcare, that helps too.
I don’t have many words of comfort, but I will say this: Even if when you look around you, it seems empty - that does not mean you are alone!
Conversely the same applies for me in my case, I’m supposed to have some family members around me for Christmas… and yet I feel much more disconnected and alone now than I ever have.
Logically, I know that my brain is just playing tricks on me. I have friends who truly care about me, and a few family members who do. But my siblings who are coming to visit us? They pretend to care (at least from my perspective), yet I doubt they do. I’ve heard from others the thoughts they have about me, and it’s really sad to hear.
Unfortunately, the heart often does not follow logic. I can’t help but feel how I do. The only thing I can do is just as I have, which is continuing to push on as hard as I can - some days I don’t make any progress and it feels like I’m frozen in a single frame of the timeline… But I live for the days where the bad fades away, even if only briefly.
So it’s not much, I know, but I will be thinking of you and the rest of my friends here at the Fediverse (and my personal friends of course) throughout the holidays! Some days the road is dark, but you’ll never have to walk it alone.
Readers who like a certain genre tend to read multiple books from the game genre, so these authors should be more like friends instead of competitors, which makes this betrayal harder to understand.
About to be on vacations for the holidays. The season’s been hitting me hard and I (should) welcome a good two weeks of slouching about in unproductive bliss. On the other hand I’ve had so many bad Christmas that anxiety levels are mounting for no good reason. I’ve cut off a lot of unpleasant things from the holidays in the last years but I’m still coping with the aftermath.
Also I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that I don’t know how to rest anymore. So I’ll do my best to keep positive and do nice things even though I’m a little apprehensive. There are some bits of my mind I could do without, ugh.
chat
Active
This magazine is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.