Lots of stress and uncertainty, but some of the uncertainty is good maybe? Made a new Beehaw account, eager to try this experiment of whether I fit in here
I have wondered about changing views. For me for example Netflix is way too dark. Does the younger generation like this stuff say people under 40… someone must. Just mention because hallmark is the opposite… like sickly sweet.
As far as guy leaving his work… how many woman would put up with a stay at home guy. Maybe some but not likely. When I got married I was just happy my wife had a non-negative net worth.
how many woman would put up with a stay at home guy. Maybe some but not likely.
I would guess that would be primarily because even when the woman is working full time and the guy is at home all the time, the stats show the woman still does most of the housework and child-rearing. Plenty of women do “put up with” a stay-at-home guy when he’s doing all the unpaid work that traditionally falls on the woman in the relationship.
Dude, it must be your social circles. I’m related to, work with spouses of, or am friends with no less than 5 stay-at-home guys. Also, most men with families at my company take on significant child care responsibilities due to being able to work from home. It comes down to making things work so food’s on the table and good humans are raised (or a stable household is kept). Gender is impertinent.
When I got married I was just happy my wife had a non-negative net worth. This sentence and its paragraph really read like a spouse is an acquisition or earnings 😬
As far a marriage having agreement on the big three: Money, sex, kids is helpful. This has long been known.
For me beyond that my only wish is that my partner be herself, cares about me more then my money or what I can do for her, that we like each other and similarly can stand each other, and our lives are heading in a compatible direction.
I have a wonderful wife and we have been together over 20 years and it gets better every year.
My point is for guys there is typically not that much expectation in terms of spousal earnings while for women there often is. Just my experience. I hope this is changing.
I admit that I am a young boomer but if you look at the next gen, the 30 somethings you still find similar patterns though less strong.
Of the 6 couples in my family of my generation, 5 are the husband doing most of the work outside the home. One is quite equal. For the 30 somethings and of the 5 couples two the guy is the primary earner, one the woman is, the other three are more balanced. Not sure how they think about it or how it will play out over the next 2 decades.
What made me think about it was I was watching “Married at First Sight”. One couple the woman had a huge problem with the guy not having a job at the moment… and it turned out she wanted to be a stay a home mom… though she had a good career. I have seen other seasons and shows where similar things have played out. Woman wanting the guy to be more successful. Not sure I have ever seen it the other way in these shows.
These movies aren’t just any wish fulfillment, they’re meant to be a panacea that assures the viewer that she made the right choice in being a stay-at-home mom, and that she would have regretted pursuing her career.
I want a Hallmark movie where a high-powered executive comes back to his hometown, helps save the Christmas tree lighting ceremony, and decides to leave his career to be with his shortstack tomboy wife and be her himbo kept husband on her ranch.
The intro started playing to let the party know that things were about to start. Processional was from 0:43 - 1:03, recessional begins at 1:30 and faded into dance music at ~1:50.
We got married on Friday, October 13th 2017 (had a true anniversary this year!), and decided we would include as many subversive horror themes as we could sneak by certain family members. Centerpieces with Gomez and Morticia, the carpet from the Overlook Hotel, Frankenstein’s monster and his bride, and a few Lovecraftian reliefs were backlit on various vase shapes for our guests. The one for the head table was that scene from George Romero’s Dawn of the Dead - you know the one, where the woman in a white dress crests the hill and you can just make out the horde behind her.
Fun fact: our wedding favor was a bottle opener that looked like a historical key. Because of who we are, several of our guests spent an hour or two looking for what they unlocked before they saw me open some bottles with it.
I really like the “for as long as it works” part.
Was that a religious ceremony of some kind or ‘just’ a civil wedding?
The song I picked for my second wedding was not a processional per se, but it was Nicht doof (loosely translated “Not Stupid”) by German band JBO. The male singer sings about how he enjoys somebody’s company because of a list of bad traits she doesn’t have: she’s not ugly, she’s not annoying, her farts don’t smell worse than his, she’s not an idiot etc. The melody is lovely though. The song was in line with the wedding theme, if you can call it that - the main event was a bad taste party at a swinger club, part of which was SO’s idea, which convinced me that she’s the one.
With the first, we had about the most stoic engagement ever. It was a Saturday morning, I’d gotten out of the shower and was getting dressed while she was grabbing something out of the closet, and I asked if we were headed toward marriage. She gave it a think, and as we were a year or so into things, figured this is what we’re supposed to do next, so yes. Actually exciting weekend ensues, as we realise we’re engaged.
I still have Lieder, die Die Welt Nicht Braucht, by Die Doofen from my time as an exchange student, so I get the … as the French would say, “I don’t know what” … about it.
Anyway, we had that wedding at the local science museum after the mountain lodge we’d booked for the ceremony, reception and the whole place for the night … burned down the day after we sent out the save-the-date cards. Glad I worked at a copy store to be able to quickly print and mail “We’re working on Plan B” postcards.
I admire your pragmatism. It’s a shame it didn’t work out, but at the very least it looks like it’s somehow led you to your second and better match, so there’s that!
Out of nothing more than personal curiosity, where in Germany did you live?
I still have Lieder, die Die Welt Nicht Braucht, by Die Doofen
Aah, I remember owning that one. Personally I’ve filed it under “those were the 90’s and it seemed like a good idea at the time”.
It was 1995, and I’m not saying it was high art, but it did feel like absurdist music like that was one of the main outlets for expressing humour amongst my classmates.
I was in Hameln for school and socializing but lived in a Dorf some 5km outside of town.
Actually, the second engagement was arguably worse. We were on the back stoop smoking cigarettes, and I opened the conversation with “obviously, I’m not going to ask you to marry me.” There are red flags, and then there’s this.
What I was unaware of was the ring out of a quarter machine she’d given me a week earlier “as a joke” was not. So she happily let me fumble words for some 20 minutes after that opening, knowing exactly where I’d end up and basically said “you were already mine, but this was fun to watch.”
Not to veer too far from your original post, but I feel the same way about torture in Disney Pixar movies.
Every single one has a torture scene- torture defined as “I’ll hurt you in some way if you don’t give me information or do XYZ for me”
Toy story - “where are your rebel friends now?”
Toy story 2 - " you can go to Japan together or in pieces. If he fixed you once he can fix you again , now get in the Box!!!"
Toy story 3 " not the nehru jacket from The Groovy formal collection" (Ken as he is tied up and being tortured by barbie) " where’s that manual!?!?"
I could go on forever, pick a kids movie from those publishers, there is a torture scene in it, for some reason.
I think Trends and patterns like what you describe are worth exploring because they give us warped senses of reality. There’s a large swath of the population right now that believes torture works to produce good information or cooperative captives, that does not actually match up with reality. Much like what you describe, I imagine there are a lot of unhappy women out there because they watch these Hallmark movies
You know, now you mention it, torture scenes of some kind do seem to be very common in kids films, and not just the Disney Pixar ones. The non-Pixar Disney ones often do as well, as do the Dreamworks ones. Not always, but a lot of the time.
One big question comes to mind: are there any kids animated films that were written by women, and do they feature torture scenes?
(I’d be willing to bet a lot of the Hallmark films are written by men, too.)
I just look at these movies now and I can’t help but get this weird incel vibe from them? I dunno. The only other torture scene I can think of from a Disney movie is the Incredibles, but that was more for Syndrome to gloat at Bob.
They strap Mike Wazowski to the machine and try to suck his face off or the screams out of him so that he tells Randall where the kid is in Monsters Inc
They literally torture a car to death in Cars 2. They want to know where the information is and he reveals that Mater has it. And at the end of the torture session his charred remains can be seen in a reflection.
In Finding Nemo, near the end when they’re looking for Marlin again, they come across the two crabs that have seen him leave and the crabs say I’m not going to tell you where he went and there’s nothing you could do to make me. Dory then holds him above the water and he starts screaming at the site of the seagulls that are eyeballing him " I’ll talk I’ll talk!!!"
Its literally every movie, someone gets tortured.
Think about how often you see someone get tortured in everyday life. PRACTICALLY NEVER. In the movies it’s like quicksand, it’s just one of those things that people seem to run into all the goddamn time for inexplicable reasons.
The problem is, it gives people an excuse to actually torture people. In fact, people are cooperative and offer information when they are cooperated with when they’re promised protection, when they’re treated with respect, when good things are done for them. When people are tortured they become more oppositional and more uncooperative. So in reality, torture doesn’t work at all. People still torture people, because they think it works. It either produces bad information or no information. But they still do it because well they saw it in that movie where it worked, literally every children’s movie they’ve ever seen. They saw in that one.
The sad thing is that torture didn’t used to be a staple of kids films. I watched a lot of animated films in the last few months (research component of an animation module at university), and the torture scenes only really start appearing in the last 30 years or so - and seems to be more of a thing in the 3D animated films than in the traditionally animated ones during the brief time period where the two mediums overlapped.
There’s violence in pretty much all of the older ones, for sure, but that feels different to torturing someone for information, I think, because there tends to be two contexts for the violence: a hero is using it as a last resort to deal with an enemy (eg Jungle Book, where Mowgli initially goes “well I’ll just talk to Shere Khan so he understands I’m not a threat”, and only engages in violence against the tiger when Shere Khan is literally trying to murder everybody) or it’s used to demonstrate how cruel and petty a villain is (eg Lion King, where the hyenas shove Zazu into a geyser - they’re not torturing him for information, they’re doing it because they find it funny). In both cases, there’s no ambiguity about whether the violence is justified or not - it is justified when the hero is doing it in self-defence or defence of others, and it’s not when the villains are doing it for the giggles.
Even in, say, Pinocchio, where Stromboli uses the threat of violence against Pinocchio, it’s in a situation where it’s undeniably evil. He had been using cooperation and persuasion up until that point, very successfully, but when Pinocchio basically goes “okay, I’ve had a nice day, but I’m going home to my father now, I’ll be back tomorrow”, Stromboli cannot find anything that would persuade Pinocchio not to go home. So violence and the threat of violence are the only options remaining, but there’s no question that using threats to prevent a child from going home to their family is in any way justified. And a key part of this is that when Stromboli does this, Pinocchio has absolutely no interest in helping him anymore.
I think the most troubling element of torture in animation films of the last 30 years is how often it’s used by the heroes. There is, perhaps, some leeway when the villains do it, because if a villain does an evil thing, then it creates no grey area about whether torture is acceptable. (And it’s probably an easier way of having a good character reveal information that they shouldn’t, than have them do it voluntarily, which would have audiences going “WTF Mike Wazowski just betrayed his best friend! What a shit guy!”) But torture does seem to be increasingly used by the protagonists, when what they should be doing is trying cooperative methods - why does Dory opt for threatening the crabs after taking “there’s nothing you can do to make me give you the information” at face value, instead of at least trying cooperation first?
I used to work retail far from where I grew up, and everyone I knew would go home for the holidays but I would have to work. It was tough sometimes but also it’s just another day, I “took time off” from my home chores to go do what I want once I was off work or if I wasn’t feeling up to it, just stay in with a frozen pizza and watch horror movies.
I’m not sure if that helps, but even though it did rob some of the remaining childhood magic for me, changing the view of holidays to be more mundane helped me feel less bad about my situation and enjoy the fact that I had some time to do whatever I wanted.
A part of me says I should, since I also feel responsible for abandoning my best friend, who missed his teenage goals of joining the 27 club by a few years.
The heroin epidemic took many of my friends as a teen and left me kind of traumatized. Seeing some of them again could help to spur growth, but I also suspect it might make me deeply depressed.
Sometimes being alone is better than drama. Take the time to enjoy yourself. Don’t frame this as a negative. Go and do something you enjoy. Read a book while enjoying a cup of tea, watch movies, go out somewhere. The possibilities are many.
The girl I was dating isn’t interested in me romantically which really sucked for a day or two, but she’s still interested in being friends which I look forward to at least.
I was kinda in same situation a while back. Sticking around only hightened my feeling towards her and in turn only ended up breaking my own heart that much harder.
Yeah I plan to be, don’t really wanna feel like I did all over again over the same girl yk, so I’m giving myself a few weeks/longer with no contact just to cauterize the wound properly so to speak and she’s obviously understanding of that thankfully.
I am very lonely, because in this world I have been left behind. We are living in a pandemic, and yet most people pretend we do not. I am disabled, have long covid and have been left behind by the majority. I had to give up everything because people refuse to fucking mask and spaces accessible. Staying at home for christmas is the best thing you can do for your health. We are during a global covid surge, the numbers are very high pretty much everywhere. Travelling at this time, especially maskless, is a recipe for death or disability for yourself and anyone else who you would gather with.
I’ll come right out and say it. Big cities were a mistake. I say mask and have disinfectant at every door. I’ve worked in public spaces, and toilets are the worst. And the things people put in their bodies? Ew. Then you look at all the plagues in history that was prevented by common sense hygiene, and you kind of want to remind everyone that your personal space is and will always be 1m distance at all times - no exceptions.
Yeah, at the very least, the ways cities are should be completely reorganized and redesigned. Air filtration systems everywhere. Fancy self cleaning toilets. Accessible buildings. Prioritizing walking, bikes and mobility aid vehicles over cars. And air filtration in public transport. We could do so much better.
I just had the realization that I’ve resigned myself to my dead end job. The holidays are coming and it always makes me feel happy and sad. It makes me reflect on all the things I wish I could do for my parents and my family. And while I have done a lot over the years, I just feel like I’m a frog in a well.
I’ve been trying to pursue creative endeavors as a way to feel like I have some kind of purpose in life. It’s been helping a little which is good. Sorry for the negative comment. I’m sure next week will be better
Thank you for the kindness. I felt kind of bad because I just dumped everything into the internet void, but today is going a bit better thankfully.
I have been creating YouTube videos since September! They aren’t super amazing or anything yet but it’s been a fun way to turn ideas into something tangible. This has been the only creative outlet that I’ve been able to stick with for a prolonged period so thats kind of interesting and exciting.
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