I’ve never used corporal punishment, and I never will. Our worst case punishment is time-out (1 minute per year old). I still remember hearing about her reaction from her grandmother. The sheer horror on her face, when she discovered that nanny knew about time-outs!
Even timeouts generally aren’t needed. It’s been over half her lifetime since we last used it. Her respect and love for us is more than enough to enforce good behaviour. We actually have to be careful, the smallest bit of upset from us creates a disproportionate reaction in her. Knowing she’s disappointed mummy or daddy hurts her more than any amount of beating with fists (open or closed) could achieve.
Just to add.
If people do advocate (even jokingly) for spanking, I take it seriously. I point out I am using the best scientific knowledge we currently have, to achieve the best results for her. If they don’t immediately back down, with their tail between their legs, I point them at something like this :
I do try and be kind with the older generations however. They didn’t know better, and often we’re doing the best they could. That’s no excuse for not adapting their advice to the times however.
Consistent parenting, with follow through on consequences is obviously the best way. But some parents never provide expectationa or consequences and those are the kids the get the “they deserve a good smack” from the grandparent comments
I’ve had a conversation or two that went like that. Weird strangers telling me I should be kicking my kids ass. And they say it in front of my kids too.
If you’ve got parents around you telling you your kids are floating turds I’d have a good hard look at how you’re parenting. Or hey if everyone around you is insane maybe it’s just everyone is insane…
Typically, physical violence towards boys is seen as normal, expected and necessary. As violence is seen as the natural realm of males. While girls are perfect flowery princesses that must be protected. At least until puberty when everyone* who is not their parent seems to regard every teen girl as an incubator.
*: People who uncritically abscribe to traditional misogynistic conceptions of gender.
Hi - I don’t know if this will work for you but I joined a local volunteer firehall which helped get me out of the house 2 hours a week for practice and I met some new people, some w kids. Of course I discussed it w my wife who understood. It’s been a wise choice.
I had to look up what a fire hall is and didn’t realize it was even called something else (fire department where I am). I was kind of picturing a Valhalla type banquet hall with a lot of barbeque
My friend group fractured and faded because of the divorce, and I was in no shape to function beyond keeping my job. I got the kids back full time after 2 years of absolutely bleak desolation. I focused on the kids and job for the next 10 years. Right now I'm crawling out my isolation a bit, but only a bit. My kids are now grumpy teenagers who can mostly take care of themselves, and I'm left wondering "what now?".
I dunno. Some of the kids activities allowed a bit of socialization around the fringe, but I'm gun shy to the point of not being very willing to engage. Dating probably isn't an option, I've seen things that can't be unseen. I like my work friends a lot, but work friends aren't the same as personal friends. I'm not sure what happens from this point, but I've got options if I have the effort and willingness to pursue them. If.
Take your kid out to see things. You dont mention the age of the kid…
If its a baby just go where ever you wanna go… maybe with the exception of nascar and concerts or other loud places.
If its a larger kid. Like 5 years old, go to the zoo, playgrounds, the amusement park… hell even the mall, and through a toy store.
Or just bring your kid over to your friends. Tell them you miss hanging out. And you can easily bring a baby to a friends house. So long as you can provide the things you need, and expect to handle it all yourself.
Or the library. Read some kids books and such.
Find playdates on FB or similar. Theres always other lonely parents around
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