Do you have insurance or, if not, does your state provide Medicaid to low income individuals? If you have private insurance I would recommend looking up therapists and maybe even psychiatrists who are covered by your insurance. If you have Medicaid your county probably has a behavioral health department that can provide some help.
If no to both, you can call 9-8-8 and ask for behavioral health resources that are available. in your area. You can also call that number to talk about your depressing and self harming thoughts if you feel like you want to give your friends and family a break.
WeirdGoesPro