A small alteration would be to swap one of the female heads up top with a male, and go “Man, Chad guy never cries about anything. Is he even human?” You can even swap out Chad with chadette, depending on context.
My name is Mud Not to be confused with Bill, or Jack, or Pete, or Dennis My name is Mud, it’s always been 'Cause I’m the most boring sonsabitch you’ve ever seen I dress in blue, yes, navy blue from head to toe I’m rather drab, except my patent shoesI make 'em shine, well, most the time ‘Cept today, my feet are troddin’ on by this friend of mine Six foot two, and rude as hell I got to get him in the ground before he starts to smell My name is Mud