It’s weird how a person will believe they have all license to choose to be terrible version of themselves and think everyone else is just holding back. Rapists think this of all humanity. That underneath it all everyone would just be raping each other if they could get away with it. It never occurs to them these thoughts might not even occur to a person or that if it does it doesn’t really appeal. Or that people have other things they find fulfilling that just doesn’t involve hurting other people and just aren’t fixated on shit like this.
Listening actively comes in more than one description. Cmon it cannot be painful to be there for someone else. Stop being obtuse on purpose. That’s just acting in bad faith.
It’s probably best to assume if a person has been living with a problem for more than 3 days that they’ve tried everything that can be searched or obtained within 24 hours. And you may have just learned about it mere seconds ago from a simple search on google. Grilling them on everything they tried after they just told probably 3 doctors and all their closest relatives is gonna come off really dismissive and critical particularly of their own ability to problem solve their own problems.
For those who refer to themselves as ‘their nature to fix things’: you know who else just goes out of control fixing things and can’t stop? cancer cells. They don’t do too well in reading the room either. You are more than just a cell. You have ears to listen and eyes to read and a brain capable of understanding how empathy works.
What if your nature is in constant problem solving mode, my life and work revolve around solving problems so it’s a natural neurological pathway.
If that’s why you’re problem solving then your urge Problem solving is for you and about you . Not for them. If you’re making room for someone in your life that means letting things also be about them.
Should someone like that work overtime to suppress how they think about a situation, and stay quiet
Again: making it about you and how it’s inconvenient for you.
until they formulate some method of discussion and acknowledgement of the problem, without offering solutions?
Sometimes it is about them finding their voice. And at times it’s about letting them learn. It can be empowering for them to grow.
You might offer help when asked or when you know someone definitely is incapable. But let others have their space and their journey too especially if you know they are capable.
Problem solving is sometimes a problem in and of itself especially in situations of where it’s enabling or stifling others or stopping you from connecting to them.