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sentient_loom

@sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works

A loom that learned to weave itself.

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sentient_loom,
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I grew up dirt poor out in the woods. I never had hope.

sentient_loom, (edited )
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Extremely depressing, socially isolating, psychologically warping. I’m a responsible, intelligent, ambitious person, but I’m not a functioning human. I’m severely and permanently damaged by poverty, even though I grew up in Canada. I’m 40 but I just managed to start a career about two years ago because I’m borderline unemployable and emotionally unbalanced (I worked my ass off at careers for 20 years, and utterly failed, constant burnout and humiliation, social assistance, moving back into a parents’ tiny apartment). I work remotely which is the only way I can ever hope to maintain a steady job. I can’t maintain normal relationships because I was largely denied social interaction growing up, and my brain can’t cope with social things now. I stopped trying to force myself to learn because it was literally decades of torture that didn’t work. People keep telling me I’m autistic but all the doctors say “nope, you’re just fucked up” (actually they use words like “personality disorder” and PTSD and anxiety disorders and ADHD and other stuff. I have a long list of diagnoses for which no treatment was offered except pills which mostly don’t work, although I’ll admit that ADHD meds helped me get a bunch of work done and also straightened out my brain a little bit. I don’t take them anymore but the positive effects are still with me).

Now, it looks like I’m doing a lot of complaining here. But in truth I’m just describing my “no hope” landscape. Hope sounds like poison. I have things to do, and right now I have a pretty good life.

sentient_loom,
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We moved around a lot, almost always rural. I had a big family so they were always a close crew, but also always very strained and stressed. We had a Nintendo and bicycles. I usually had friends around until I was 11, but then we literally just moved out into the forest where there was nobody else. For 7 awful years I was like in a prison. I lost the ability to communicate, but not the desire. I dreaded the summers because I knew I wouldn’t see a single person outside my family. My parents were constantly stressed, always on a sour mood. The forest was hard on them too. I would mostly try to entertain my siblings amd read books. Depression became the biggest feature of my life. There was just nobody. Then I would go back to school in the fall and I didn’t know how to communicate anymore, and was constantly sad and lonely. But I denied those feelings because I didn’t want to be a bitch.

My very young life was awesome. Until I was maybe 7 or 8 we always had tons of family and friends around, including when we lived in rural villages. We were poor but so was everybody else. But we had to keep moving to chase work, and I always lost those relationships. And then as I described above we moved out to the absolute woods and my brain started to rot. I really have no idea what “hope” could even have looked like.

There were good times too. My siblings and I would explore the forest. We followed a river up a mountain until there was no river anymore (its weird to see it getting smaller and smaller until there’s nothing). We built sledding tracks. We found an abandoned cemetery from the 1700s just in the middle of the forest.

Mostly I just read books. And that’s still what I do.

sentient_loom,
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I still work hard because it’s an antidote to despair and depression. It’s a necessity but it does not lead to material reward.

sentient_loom,
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Right, the only other language.

sentient_loom,
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I’m curious to know those reasons. I’d like to pretend that I have a valid argument against Go.

sentient_loom,
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I didn’t even know they has a mascot. And now my idiot-brain wants to learn c++ for a bad reason (on top of some good reasons).

sentient_loom,
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Yeah the “owned by google” thing is a big turn-off. And telemetry… he’ll no. Also it’s weird that Go doesn’t have a ternary. It’s a small thing, but it’s a thing.

sentient_loom,
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I used shotcut a lot and it’s fantastic.

sentient_loom,
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Is Dark a sequel? Or just a spiritual successor?

sentient_loom,
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A perfect movie.

how similar are other North American countries to USA??

I mean the other 2 countries, Canada and Mexico, how similar are both of them to United States?? Both countries have a similar economy and democracy etc, and I think those two countries share things like supermarkets, stores, etc. I suppose the cultural differences are not a lot, that is very nice.

sentient_loom,
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I just hope we don’t import privatized healthcare.

sentient_loom,
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Yeah I’m aware. He’s super corrupt.

What are your criteria for upvoting/downvoting?

I hate that I always compare Lemmy to Reddit, but Reddit used to have (not sure if they still do) guidelines called “Reddiquette” that included guidelines about upvoting and downvoting. I don’t remember the specifics (and sending too much of my browser traffic to Reddit makes me feel dirty) but one of the guidelines was...

sentient_loom, (edited )
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I downvote if it’s cringe, or incorrect, or the opinion is disgusting. Usually it’s a quality issue rather than an opinion/moral issue.

I upvote if it’s useful info, or if it’s funny or cool or impressive.

sentient_loom,
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Do we have stats so we can compare dates of drops in active users against defederation events? Every time a major instance defederates I resist the strong urge to abandon the defediverse.

sentient_loom,
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9.5/10

sentient_loom,
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What’s wrong with kubuntu?

sentient_loom,
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damn, I thought kubuntu got rid of that

sentient_loom,
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At least we have Mint and Kubuntu

sentient_loom,
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This is it. It’s the same as Reddit being better than Twitter for conversation.

But this is also why Kbin is the best technology, combining both platforms.

sentient_loom,
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It’s lagging behind in terms of adoption, but it’s a better platform.

sentient_loom,
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His black box storytelling is garbage and the coincidence-based plot in that SW movie was unforgivable.

sentient_loom,
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Yeah. In that Jon Stewart interview he straight up says that he never liked Star Trek and that “Star Trek was always too philosophical for me.”

He sucks so bad.

sentient_loom,
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The curse of surgery!

sentient_loom,
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If the surgeries were so good then why is she dead?

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