We use only the finest baby crabs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose.
My kids (18/16) did not get me a present for Christmas. They got gifts for each other, my wife (their step-mom) and their step-sister (with my assistance). Yet still failed to think of getting their father a gift. They both have driver’s licenses, cars, and their own money. I’d have been happy with a $2 bag of sour patch kids. Shit, I’d have taken the fucking coal if they just would have remembered.