A four-panel Mr. Lovenstein comic titled “THIS COMIC MADE POSSIBLE THANKS TO EELS OF WOOD”
The first panel shows an angry pink humanoid standing on a green circle, holding a bunch of asparagus spears and speaking to a yellow-skinned, bearded humanoid barely in the panel. The pink humanoid is saying “HEY GOD, WHY DID YOU MAKE HEALTHY FOOD TASTE BAD?”
The second panel shows the yellow-skinned, bearded humanoid in more detail. It has a halo and is wearing a white robe. It’s rolling its eyes angrily as it responds “OH MY GOD! DO I HAVE TO SHOW YOU EVERYTHING?”
The third panel shows the still-angry yellow-skinned humanoid cooking the asparagus spears in a frying pan over the open flame of a gas stove as the pink humanoid watches on amazed. The yellow humanoid is saying “SAUTÉ 'EM AND DON’T FORGET THE SEASONING! STIR AND TASTE AS YOU COOK!”
The final panel shows a close-up of the pink humanoid holding a half-eaten asparagus spear with its mouth full and eyes wide in awe as it says “IT’S… DELICIOUS!” A response from off-screen replies “OF COURSE IT IS!”
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Cook nearly any veggie in shallots, cream, whisked in egg, top with Parmesan, broil until brown.
Veggie gratin that isn’t the most healthy but is better than nothing, and brilliant served as a side to steak. I recommend mushrooms, spinach or zucchini.
Was gonna say, that sounds pretty high in fat. Definitely better than a lot of the alternatives, but I’d only call it just this side of not healthy.
The real problem is that healthy food really is only good if it’s fresh, and so it’s a lot more inaccessible than shitty, processed either frozen or fast food.
I just spent Thanksgiving with my family, and was reminded how much my parents love boiling things. Fucking disgusting, no spices either? Fuck bland potatoes. It takes almost no effort to just toss a bunch of fucking spices on them and then put them in the oven.
Isnt thanksgiving a month from now? Are you like from the future? Why did you suddenly come back? Is the whole world doomed and you came back to warn us of something terrible?!?!?
My dad does this, just boils vegetables and potatoes so long that they’re reduced to their component quarks and then serves them in a bowl with nothing on them. For bonus points, he makes sure they’ve cooled off to room temperature before we eat. I want to blame the Great Depression for this style of “cuisine”, but he was born after that shit.
No excuse for bland potatoes. Even boiled, they can taste good. Low effort, throw some dill on those bastards. It’s that easy. My mom is diabetic, and down a kidney, so salt and sugar are not really things in the food she makes, but it always tastes good.
Get a rice cooker. Get rice and FROZEN pre-processed (chopped) veggies. These are still very inexpensive, require no preparation, last forever in the freezer, and are actually FRESHER than “fresh” veggies, since they are picked when ripe and then flash frozen rather than picked prematurely and sprayed with a ripening agent. Your rice cooker should come with a veggie tray so you can cook the rice and veggies simultaneously. Drop them in there and fire it up. Get yourself some “simmering sauce” and heat it up in a pan for ~15 minutes and baby you got a stew goin’.
It’s just like a pre-mixed (typically middle-Eastern) sauce with coconut milk and spices and thing like that pre-prepared. It shouldn’t have any preservatives or anything you can’t pronounce.
There’s many options for sauces, depending on your preferences and dietary requirements, but there are a few key common steps.
For example many Indian curry type sauces can begin with frying diced onions, some ginger, garlic, chillis, coriander seed powder, cumin powder, turmeric powder, black pepper, and tomato paste, then coconut milk to form the main body of the sauce. Don’t worry if you don’t have access to all of these, mix and match. Then finish with fresh coriander leaves.
Or a simple marinara type sauce begins with frying diced onions, garlic, tomato paste, followed by a glass of wine and a can of tomato to make the main body of the sauce. Add basil at the very end, as the flavor is delicate and destroyed by heat.
Notice in both cases we begin with aromatics - onions, garlic, spices - that get heated up to release the volatile flavor compounds. Then deglazing the pan and simmering with something that constitutes the main bulk of the sauce - e.g. canned tomato or coconut. Then finishing with more delicate herbal flavors that get desroyed by extended cooking. This is a general pattern that appears in foods from all over the world. The crucial part is learning how long each ingredient requires to cook for, and therefore what stage it gets added.
Once you get used to this you can begin to enjoy the creativity and rewarding nature of cooking, and explore the world through food. Like the Indian example above can be quite easily modified into a Thai green curry with a few substitutions such as extra green chillis, galangal instead of ginger, and finishing with Thai basil.
I’d say another crucial aspect is appreciating the importance of emulsions - a colloidal suspension of small fat particles in water - which results in a rich and unctuous mouthfeel. Many of our favorite foods and sauces are emulsions (butter, mayonnaise, pesto, curry). But I don’t want to overload you with information as I’ve already written a lot. Good luck.
Also a starch slurry or roux are easy ways to thicken sauces, controlling the consistency of a sauce can be important depending on what you are tossing in it or putting it over.
As an adult who thought that they hated pretty much all veggies (especially broccoli and corn) and found out that I absolutely love them when prepared fresh and that the bagged versions tasted like ass, I’m gonna call bullshit on that.
It might work for you, but nothing beats freshly-prepared corn, whether grilled in the husks or cut and sauteed.
Food starts rotting the instant it’s harvested, and continues doing so while it’s packaged, transported, and stored on the shelf. Modern flash freezing techniques preserve foods perfectly, halting the microorganisms that cause decomposition, and avoiding the damage caused by large ice crystal formation that’s inevitable with slow domestic freezers.
Interestingly with the sweetcorn, it used to be that it had to be eaten immediately after harvest, so much so that you’d have the water boiling before even picking them. However with modern developments they can remain fresh much longer.
Okay, I’ll eat both…just as soon as apple and/or amazon sews your lips to my anus. Maybe I’ll stack some fiberone bars on top of it so that I fart for a few hours before the shit comes out.
It’s commonly accepted by most people that don’t watch My Little Pony, that the grown ass men that do watch MLP, and always hyper obsess over it, may be subtly indicating that they are into other children’s things.
Wouldn’t it be more logical to suggest that idolisation of a children’s pony show is more of a front for a furry? Or is it because the show is created for children, if an adult likes it they’re a pedophile?
I always assumed MLP fans were closer to furries. The show is about horses, not kids?
Fair point. Kinda makes me just as moronic doesn’t it?
If he ever wants to explain his reasoning, I’m happy to hear it. Even if it’s just to get an opposing perspective. FWIW, Ive never seen MLP and couldn’t care less who watches it.
i'd rather be a furry than a paedophile, but i'd rather be dead than be either
but that's not helpful and as you asked reasonably, it's more gut feeling than reasoning, but since i'm here i'll try to reason it out. MLP obsessives like your man here, i'm not talking about e.g. parents who watch it with their kids and think it's ok, keeps 'em quiet, kills the time etc, but people like uis who reply unprompted with pony spam if not seriously disturbed themselves are part of a community full of seriously disturbed people
take those image links, the images are hosted at derpicdn.net which if you navigate directly to it resolves to derpibooru.org. on the face of it not all that alarming but this will assuage only the most casual observer. if you use the filters link on the header and choose 'everything' [1] (not selected by default) and return to the homepage you will see some severely foul shit.
if you then go to 'all time top scoring' [2] you will see what is popular amongst these harmless cartoon enjoyers. the ponies, being designed for children, are childlike in appearance and can be seen displaying their imagined pony genitals, sucking pony dicks and getting fucked. bronies like uis post harmless images like those in the thread above but those images are found amongst several thousands of stills and animations of them which are rather less harmless. visit the links below to verify, or don't, i'm going away to delete my history and wish i never started to reply to this bullshit in the first place
Nobody wants you here, and I suspect nobody else has ever wanted you anywhere else either. Please spill back into the sewers with the rest of the waste.
The real reason is that unhealthy food contains ingredients that were rarer for our ancestors to obtain. Dense caloric food meant surviving a winter, but our winter never comes.
don't cook it, just slice the stalks very finely. delicious. i like the heads mashed in with mashed potato but that's more effort than it's worth really. any way you eat it, your piss will stink to high heaven
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