I get exactly what you’re saying but I’m not sure I have a great answer for you. I think it’s all about dopamine. Smoking cannabis reconnects me with that childlike feeling. Also, having a kid really helped me. Seeing the world through her eyes as she experienced childhood is amazing. Before kid I felt like I couldn’t really enjoy anything like I could before without drugs. I’m not sure how much of that is depression and how much is just getting older.
I’d change everything! Women’s fashion has so many different sewing techniques and styles - maybe 10% of those are in men’s fashion. Give men lettuce hems and dropped waists! Princess seams and tulip sleeves! Make fashion unisex!
“The apocalypse is not something which is coming. The apocalypse has arrived in major portions of the planet and it’s only because we live within a bubble of incredible privilege and social insulation that we still have the luxury of anticipating the apocalypse.” by Terence McKenna
And the other is from an old salty chief when I was in the navy. This is paraphrasing but:
“Every fuck up comes down to a combination of three root causes: didn’t know, didn’t care, or a material problem”
Someone gets hurt on the job? Well, did they not know they were doing something wrong? Did they not care enough about safety? Or was it simply because something broke? Maybe they didn’t know AND they didn’t care to find out.
Part of it is looking back through rose-colored glasses. Sure, there was joy, but there was that time you stubbed your toe and you got so emotionally disregulated that you cried for an hour, or the time your parents put the wrong color socks on you and you screamed a bad word at them and refused to leave the house, or... etc.
You learned to regulate your emotions. That's mostly a good thing, but it also means that you learn to control yourself in the moment, and you don't tend to lose yourself in joy like you did as a child.
And that's OK. I enjoy things differently now, than I did then. Back then, when I played with a toy car, it gave me great joy but if something broke, or things didn't go my way, I also suffered uncontrollable anger and frustration. Today, when I take my TRX-4 trail truck out on the trails, I feel a different kind of joy that is mixed with intellectual understanding of the engineering of the machine, an appreciation of the beauty of the natural world that I didn't have as a child, etc. And if something breaks, it's not an emotional thing any more. I know I can fix it, I have the ability and the desire.
Heck, it's enjoyable to break things, take them apart, and fix them again. That certainly wasn't true when I was 6.
Psychedelics have helped me to retain those feelings long after the trip has ended (some indefinitely, at least at time of writing this). I never appreciated a cool breeze until one of those experiences (I always wanted to cover up and shield myself from it before). Now, whenever I feel a cold wind or cool breeze, I appreciate it so much more because of that past experience.
Not that you feel less. But when you are young the experiences are brand new and the feelings novel and so the memories are stronger. As you get older you can still have these memories of strong feelings, such as your wedding, the birth of a child, or traveling but those novel experiences are fewer and farther between as you age
I’m getting ready to umpire a ballgame when I’m like 20. Come out of the room five minutes before game time, and both teams have gone sprinting to the dugouts because this massive swarm of wasps (bees? Maybe bees… it was over 20 years ago) came buzzing right over the field the game was supposed to be on. Heading southeast. Partner and I nope back into the room for a while.
Anyways. The insects continue on doing whatever wasp- (or bee-) like activities they were doing and we play the game.
Game goes well. I get changed and go home. Home is somewhere between 5-10 km southeast of the ballpark.
As I park and get out I notice that the family is freaking out. Swarm of wasps (or bees) had just buzzed their way over from the northwest and taken up residence in one of the walls of our carport.
Sounds to my uneducated ears like bees hiving. IIRC a bunch of individual bees go out and find potential spots for a new hive, then come back and communicate with the hive details like where it is and what it’s like. Then the hive picks one of the spots and all of them who are going to go to the new hive go.
That’s exactly what it was. But the sheer odds of them settling on my house the same day as I worked a game a fair distance away at a park that happened to be in their path to their new home? Pretty fucking high.
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