Is it normal for a person to "feel" less as they get older?

I remember experiencing the world much more vividly when I was a little boy.

I would step outside on an autumn evening and feel joy as the cool breeze rustled the leaves and caressed my skin. In the summers, I would listen to the orchestra of insects buzzing around me. I would waddle out of the cold swimming pool and the most wonderful shiver would cascade out of me as I peed in the bathroom. In the winters, I would get mesmerized by the simple sound of my boots crunching the snow under me.

These were not experiences that I actively sought out. They just happened. I did not need to stop to smell the figurative roses, the roses themselves would stop me in my tracks.

As I got older, I started feeling less and less and thinking more and more.

I’ve tried meditation, recreation, vacation, resignation, and medication. Some of these things have helped but I am still left wondering… is this a side effect of getting older? Or is there something wrong with me?

danie10,
@danie10@lemmy.ml avatar

Well firstly your senses do start dulling (eyesight, hearing), and secondly you have way more context on the world itself (the mortgage bond, climate change, pollution, family responsibilities, social media trolls, the fragility of bones and life, etc). So I suppose your brain is less focussed on the moment, and you’ve got a bit cynical about life ;-)

I accept that the way I looked at life and moments at 15, 25 and 50 are fairly different. Decisions I took at 25 were right for me then, but today I would have decided differently, but then I would not be where I am today either.

MigratingtoLemmy,

I am lucky in the sense that I like specific things; and the feeling of liking them hasn’t faded. However, the phenomenon you’re likely pointing to is simply being more jaded as an adult

fred-kowalski,

For me, it’s about context and scope. The wide open wonder of my youth has been replaced by little epiphanies of experience. A bite of really good food, or music, or a great joke can bring me a startling amount of joy. A lot of my awe has also been replaced by satisfaction and appreciation. Getting old sucks undeniably, but there are compensations.

the_third,

Short comment because mobile: You’ve described a thing I’ve been thinking about and grasping to get back since maybe two or three years. Thank you.

Hiru,
@Hiru@lemmy.world avatar

Man, I don’t know, but this post was beautifully crafted, you sir are a poet.

bstix,

I’ve gotten back better at it. First you’ve got to recognize the situation and the then you’ll need to stop and enjoy it. As a kid you had plenty of time to enjoy feelings, but as an adult you have to take your time to do it.

Nonameuser678,
@Nonameuser678@kbin.social avatar

Firstly I just want to say that this is really interesting post and I love that you've asked this question. Secondly, as someone who experienced child abuse I don't know where to even start in answering this question because as an adult I'm now in a space where I can actually feel my feelings and express them safely.

I think life is maybe similar to being in a long term relationship. There are times when every little thing life does annoys you or times where it's just eh and you realise you need to actively spice things up. And then there are times when you are completely overcome by joy thinking about how much you love life, how much you've been through together, and how excited you are to spend the rest of your lives together.

If you're looking for a suggestion on spicing things up I highly recommended jumping into some existential philosophy. It's like the intellectual equivalent of a roller coaster I guess.

festus,

I’ll just mention my own experience. I struggled with depression and/or anxiety for basically my entire life from as early as I can remember and I definitely didn’t have the kinds of joyful childhood experiences you describe. However now that I’m older and my anxiety is being properly treated (medication) I’ve definitely had more / stronger feelings of joy with simple experiences. All this is to say that I think it might be a depression thing, not a age thing.

floofloof,

I had come to the same conclusion, that I could never feel again like I did when I was a kid, that adult life was just inherently drab and lacking in feeling. But meditation did help, so I wouldn’t rule that out if you could work it into your routine for a while.

What kind of meditation did you try? I found the simple kind most helpful: just to sit and pay attention to breathing and whatever comes along, and don’t pursue thoughts once I notice them. It helped me with what you describe. I had basically decided that life turned grey when you became an adult, and all the thrill of experience was left behind in my youth. Through meditation I discovered I could still experience like I did when I was a kid, if I could experience without immediately going off into thinking about it. But I did meditate for a while before this started emerging. I never found the guided meditations or envisioning meditations to be particularly helpful, just sitting attending to ordinary experience.

I can’t speak to whether you’re clinically depressed and need some other help, but it might be worth continuing with the meditation alongside whatever else you try. I had given up on antidepressants too but eventually found a kind that worked. Now I continue the meditation but also take antidepressants when things take a real downturn. I hope you find something that helps.

Tetra,
@Tetra@kbin.social avatar

On top of what everyone else said (I especially super agree with experiencing new things), I can recommend art, either experiencing it, or making it. Art is basically all about trying to capture or recapture a specific feeling, by heightening it.

Maybe the smell of roses doesn't move you much after all these years, but a well crafted poem, music, movie, or some video games (I guess Flower comes to mind for this particular example) can reignite some of that lost wonder. And if experiencing them isn't enough, you can always go after those feelings yourself, and make your own art, trying to bring back the sensations you miss the most. Heck, learning to cook an old dish a relative or friend used to make can evoke long forgotten feelings, "art" is a vague term.

I'm both getting older and suffering from really bad depression, and this sort of thing has been helping me cope with this loss of feelings.

feifei,

The older you get, the more you are in your head because of all the responsibilities weighing you down.

I think learning to let go and meditation is the way to go, so we can be more in the moment and appreciate the environment around us.

luthis,

This is definitely part of it. I could be appreciating the bright yellow of budding flowers on trees, but im also in the middle of making sure lunch is on time, we have food for lunch, my car is parked legally, i havent forgotten anything important at work… Responsibilities take over brain space when its you in charge of maintaining peace

insomniac,
@insomniac@sh.itjust.works avatar

I get exactly what you’re saying but I’m not sure I have a great answer for you. I think it’s all about dopamine. Smoking cannabis reconnects me with that childlike feeling. Also, having a kid really helped me. Seeing the world through her eyes as she experienced childhood is amazing. Before kid I felt like I couldn’t really enjoy anything like I could before without drugs. I’m not sure how much of that is depression and how much is just getting older.

TORFdot0,

Not that you feel less. But when you are young the experiences are brand new and the feelings novel and so the memories are stronger. As you get older you can still have these memories of strong feelings, such as your wedding, the birth of a child, or traveling but those novel experiences are fewer and farther between as you age

oehm,

I think it’s normal to an extent however complete absence of enjoyment could also be a sign of depression as others have pointed out.

The fact that you have specific scenarios that used to elicit joy is good; try to remember those and focus on those situations next time you experience them. You may just brush it off as a pointless exercise or you may find that you’re able to relive some of those feelings.

I believe there is a lot of power in just stopping to sniff the roses as they say. Taking momentary breaks to just be in the present moment, or think about how you’re feeling.

WarmSoda,

Well, the older you get the more experiences you have. Not everything is going to feel new when you’ve been through it a few decades.

I’d say it’s normal.

remotelove, (edited )

That is why I fell in love with shrooms, TBH. Psilocybin has resurrected a curiosity in me that I haven’t felt in years. I just seemed that at 40 years, there aren’t many situations that I haven’t seen or experienced in daily life. As a side benefit, I have learned how to grow mushrooms.

Edit: haven’t

WarmSoda,

I just seemed that at +40 years, there aren’t many situations that I have seen or experienced in daily life.

Very true, I feel that. It’s incredibly easy to not even realize that, too.

My only fear is I’ve got another 40 years to go lol

remotelove,

The “midlife crisis” is real. For me, it’s looking for new things to do, cutting out bad habits (drinking) and am trying not to think about how life is actually all downhill from here. I am not going to buy a sports car or anything, but some healthy experimentation with psychedelics does seem to scratch that itch.

I think I rationalized my fear by understanding just how much shit I have seen and I still have another 30 to 40 years left, which is a good thing.

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