Is it normal for a person to "feel" less as they get older?

I remember experiencing the world much more vividly when I was a little boy.

I would step outside on an autumn evening and feel joy as the cool breeze rustled the leaves and caressed my skin. In the summers, I would listen to the orchestra of insects buzzing around me. I would waddle out of the cold swimming pool and the most wonderful shiver would cascade out of me as I peed in the bathroom. In the winters, I would get mesmerized by the simple sound of my boots crunching the snow under me.

These were not experiences that I actively sought out. They just happened. I did not need to stop to smell the figurative roses, the roses themselves would stop me in my tracks.

As I got older, I started feeling less and less and thinking more and more.

I’ve tried meditation, recreation, vacation, resignation, and medication. Some of these things have helped but I am still left wondering… is this a side effect of getting older? Or is there something wrong with me?

Tetra,
@Tetra@kbin.social avatar

On top of what everyone else said (I especially super agree with experiencing new things), I can recommend art, either experiencing it, or making it. Art is basically all about trying to capture or recapture a specific feeling, by heightening it.

Maybe the smell of roses doesn't move you much after all these years, but a well crafted poem, music, movie, or some video games (I guess Flower comes to mind for this particular example) can reignite some of that lost wonder. And if experiencing them isn't enough, you can always go after those feelings yourself, and make your own art, trying to bring back the sensations you miss the most. Heck, learning to cook an old dish a relative or friend used to make can evoke long forgotten feelings, "art" is a vague term.

I'm both getting older and suffering from really bad depression, and this sort of thing has been helping me cope with this loss of feelings.

001100010010, (edited )
@001100010010@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

When your older, you understand how shitty the world really is, and shatters any hope you ever had.

I thought the world was so awesome, space is so vast, the world so interconnected, technology, communication across the whole world, we have flying machines, we (as in humanity) went to the moon, we have machines on mars, we might reverse aging…

Then, the realization that we are alone in space, the universe doesn’t care about us, technology is being used for mass surveillance, censorship and propaganda, false information, carbon emissions, recession to authoritarianism, discrimination, etc…

I wish I could be naive and happy as I used to be, but once you grow up, you understand how fucked up thw world is. Its hard to have hope again.

I’m diagnosed with depression, but maybe depression is just the realization of the horrible truth of the world.

maegul,
@maegul@lemmy.ml avatar

I think there’s definitely something healthy behind the idea that depression is actually a fairly natural or reasonable state, however hard and painful it can be. Especially for anyone that wants to be mindful of the danger of psychopaths or sociopaths who are probably the types of people that seem oddly immune or unable to understand or empathise with depression.

Otherwise, I’ll just say that a “second childhood” can be a thing (as far as I can tell), where all of the concerns of middle age fade away and we’re forced to wrestle, naively perhaps, with the sheer reality of existing.

jandar_fett,

My therapist said to me the other day that anxiety is the brain’s survival mechanism and depression is “Safe mode.” It’s so hard in the modern world for most people to find the in between because there is so much to give us anxiety and make us feel like we are in danger and so of course since the body always seeks homeostasis, depression is sure to follow. It’s like an up and down Rollercoaster with no end.

mrmanager,
@mrmanager@lemmy.today avatar

I think being depressed is perfectly natural when being on this planet. But since it makes your life worse, it’s important to know how to think about something else so you don’t feel sad all the time (which is natural considering how shitty it all is). Human leaders are at a very primitive stage of mental evolution and we all suffer because of that.

I get excited about computers and tech so I focus a lot on that in my life. You need to find something that feels fun and exciting despite the world being shit. Also I stopped watching news like 15 years ago and I’m ignorant now of all the things that happen every day. Feels better.

jandar_fett,

I used to think it was foolish to be disconnected from the news and current events, but now I think the opposite is true.

mrmanager,
@mrmanager@lemmy.today avatar

It’s much better for mental health at least. You won’t know about all the stuff that happens every day, but I feel like it’s all useless knowledge anyway.

You will start to feel disgusted by those people on the TV. News anchors, presidents, celebrities, fed chairman’s or whatever it is. They are all inside the matrix 100%.

feifei,

The older you get, the more you are in your head because of all the responsibilities weighing you down.

I think learning to let go and meditation is the way to go, so we can be more in the moment and appreciate the environment around us.

luthis,

This is definitely part of it. I could be appreciating the bright yellow of budding flowers on trees, but im also in the middle of making sure lunch is on time, we have food for lunch, my car is parked legally, i havent forgotten anything important at work… Responsibilities take over brain space when its you in charge of maintaining peace

MigratingtoLemmy,

I am lucky in the sense that I like specific things; and the feeling of liking them hasn’t faded. However, the phenomenon you’re likely pointing to is simply being more jaded as an adult

fred-kowalski,

For me, it’s about context and scope. The wide open wonder of my youth has been replaced by little epiphanies of experience. A bite of really good food, or music, or a great joke can bring me a startling amount of joy. A lot of my awe has also been replaced by satisfaction and appreciation. Getting old sucks undeniably, but there are compensations.

insomniac,
@insomniac@sh.itjust.works avatar

I get exactly what you’re saying but I’m not sure I have a great answer for you. I think it’s all about dopamine. Smoking cannabis reconnects me with that childlike feeling. Also, having a kid really helped me. Seeing the world through her eyes as she experienced childhood is amazing. Before kid I felt like I couldn’t really enjoy anything like I could before without drugs. I’m not sure how much of that is depression and how much is just getting older.

RickRussell_CA,
@RickRussell_CA@kbin.social avatar

Part of it is looking back through rose-colored glasses. Sure, there was joy, but there was that time you stubbed your toe and you got so emotionally disregulated that you cried for an hour, or the time your parents put the wrong color socks on you and you screamed a bad word at them and refused to leave the house, or... etc.

You learned to regulate your emotions. That's mostly a good thing, but it also means that you learn to control yourself in the moment, and you don't tend to lose yourself in joy like you did as a child.

And that's OK. I enjoy things differently now, than I did then. Back then, when I played with a toy car, it gave me great joy but if something broke, or things didn't go my way, I also suffered uncontrollable anger and frustration. Today, when I take my TRX-4 trail truck out on the trails, I feel a different kind of joy that is mixed with intellectual understanding of the engineering of the machine, an appreciation of the beauty of the natural world that I didn't have as a child, etc. And if something breaks, it's not an emotional thing any more. I know I can fix it, I have the ability and the desire.

Heck, it's enjoyable to break things, take them apart, and fix them again. That certainly wasn't true when I was 6.

platysalty,

And if something breaks, it's not an emotional thing any more. I know I can fix it, I have the ability and the desire.

Fixing stuff breaking is honestly half the fun. Weird love hate thing.

RickRussell_CA,
@RickRussell_CA@kbin.social avatar

Exactly. Break something, and the fun stops for now, but TIME FOR AN UPGRADE!

platysalty,

Geez, let everyone know my MO why don't you.

can,

You have more experiences, true, but some things can help you feel like you’re experiencing them for the first time. Any experience with psychedelics?

luthis,

Psychedelics made me realise i had forgotten the novelty of childhood. If i had never tried them, maybe id never have realised…

toastio,

Psychedelics have helped me to retain those feelings long after the trip has ended (some indefinitely, at least at time of writing this). I never appreciated a cool breeze until one of those experiences (I always wanted to cover up and shield myself from it before). Now, whenever I feel a cold wind or cool breeze, I appreciate it so much more because of that past experience.

TORFdot0,

Not that you feel less. But when you are young the experiences are brand new and the feelings novel and so the memories are stronger. As you get older you can still have these memories of strong feelings, such as your wedding, the birth of a child, or traveling but those novel experiences are fewer and farther between as you age

oehm,

I think it’s normal to an extent however complete absence of enjoyment could also be a sign of depression as others have pointed out.

The fact that you have specific scenarios that used to elicit joy is good; try to remember those and focus on those situations next time you experience them. You may just brush it off as a pointless exercise or you may find that you’re able to relive some of those feelings.

I believe there is a lot of power in just stopping to sniff the roses as they say. Taking momentary breaks to just be in the present moment, or think about how you’re feeling.

crossover,

I felt similar. Then I had a kid and seeing the world through their eyes brings much of it back. Nothing quite like the rush of emotions (and sleep deprivation) of being a parent to a young child.

keegomatic,
@keegomatic@kbin.social avatar

This really is true. Experiencing it now, myself.

oldfart,

Not my experience at all. Having a child is like being kicked in the balls every time you try to find your own inner child

STUPIDVIPGUY,

Yeah I would say it’s definitely normal. I just try to get out there and push myself to do new things, and really be present and thankful for the beautiful things that I do experience.

jcit878,

the wonder can still exist. the pressure of adult life is so damn clouding though. what helps for me (and my wife) is solo travel, we have both found it to be one of the best things we ever decided to do. a week or so to yourself to completely forget all about work, home I have found to be extremely helpful. Do exactly what you want, take your time, and you can find beauty in the everyday things again. If its possible of course

STUPIDVIPGUY,

Solo travel can really teach you a lot about yourself. I had a great time living in my car for 3 weeks but I learned that I got lonely as hell. Until I met a couple friends in Nevada to help put things in perspective.

Prefix,

I think a big part of it is that when we are young, all of these are new experiences to us. And as such, they carry a lot more emotion and stimulation.

As an adult, you’ve experienced many things. To some degree, your brain is likely acustomed to it.

Something that helps is breaking out of your routines and experiencing new things. I’ve heard our neural pathways described as the grooves that form on a hill when sledding. When you first slide down the hill, you’re making brand new grooves. Each trip is different and unique. But over time, trails get established and you end up using the same worn trails over and over.

Experiencing new, bespoke things is like breaking out of the trails and making a new one.

At least, that’s my understanding! I’m not a proffessional, just someone who can relate to what you’re describing :)

lemminer, (edited )

I’ll add one more point.

Not just cause of age, but people disregard feeling when they don’t find it comfortable with. People want to be treated in someway and don’t want you feel in other shape or form.

Which is another reason why we tame/shape our feelings abiding by the social norms.

I used to be over friendly in my 20s. That behaviour isn’t appreciated in professional relationships. I had to change my attitude towards people overtime and stop emphathizing with them, to a certain degree.

It is certainly a matter of environment and peers you had around you, not age.

bobs_monkey,

Definitely agree. To your point on new things, I still feel that sense of awe and wonder when I go on trips to places I’ve never been, hear an awesome song for the first time, or even learn something new. It takes a certain level of motivation to feel those senses as you age (mid 30s here), and determination to seek those things out. I know I am lucky in that I’m at a stage in life where I have the resources to make some of these happen, but a lot of it is also forcing the free time to both seek out experiences and also be able to appreciate them.

finnegans_ghost,

I have to agree. I grew up in a tropical climate and moved to the northern part of the northern hemisphere several years ago. The first few winters I would look like some kind of child lost in the wonder of the beauty of snow falling because I’d never lived in a place that had snow. Sometimes I still have those moments.

I am not a doctor, but it could be depression. It is really difficult to not feel terrible sometimes given the state of the world right now.

kaktus,

I think one of the reasons people like having kids, is because they can see the world through there eyes. Everything you’ve already experienced numerous of times, they get to see for the first time and relay there joy to you. And you get to show them. Ignoring the depressing reality, painting a picture of the world like it once felt to you.

jandar_fett,

Yep. Each time you perform the same action, say the same words, think the same thoughts the connection of the neural pathways responsible for those things are strengthened. It is why depression and anxiety and other mental issues are so hard to reverse. It is possible though. I urge anyone who thinks they have depression to look up a book called “The Upward Spiral.” It is co-written by a neuroscientist and a psychologist and was really eye opening for me on the inner workings of the brain when it comes to depression and anxiety and has helped me at least start on a path to making myself better.

ablackcatstail,
@ablackcatstail@lemmy.goblackcat.com avatar

I am no doctor but I remember hearing one of the warning signs of depression can be the absence of feeling. It is certainly one of mine.

foggy,

‘emotiinal blunting’

NotSpez,

For everyone wondering whether or not they’re depressed, there is a tool doctors use called the Beck Depression Inventory (BDI), broadly available online as a PDF. If you score high talk to your doctor about it. Take good care of yourselves fellow lemmings.

Additionally, mindfulness sometimes gets a bad rep but it’s an awesome way to reconnect with your ‘feeling’ side. There are many apps, I found one that really works for me and it’s awesome.

dingus,

Ehh…I disagree with this if we are specifically talking about what the OP is referring to.

When you’re a child, everything is new, making all of it exciting. For example…as a child, OP had only experienced winter a few times. As an adult, they’ve experienced countless winters. It becomes routine instead of new and so it fades into the background. And with adult obligations to worry about, we don’t have that worry free child mind that can drift off like that. It’s just part of getting older.

OP, sometimes it’s worth making a conscious decision to stop and take a moment to notice and experience your surroundings. There’s a thunderstorm outside? Grab a warm cup of coffee and just try to watch and listen for a moment. If possible, open a window (that won’t let rain in) or sit outside under an awning and just take in all of your senses. Go out for a walk without any music and without using your phone. Try to look at the trees and birds around you and take it in. Smell the air…has the grass been recently cut? Has it rained recently? Is there mud around? Is someone nearby grilling some food? Are there leaves on the ground? Try stepping on one. Do they crunch or are they soft and wet?

As a child, everything is new. As an adult, it’s routine and boring. But you can still manage to capture a small bit of this feeling back if you actively decide to stop from time to time and consciously try to take in your surroundings for a moment. Stop and try to feel all of your senses.

You can never make these feelings new again, but sometimes I find some satisfaction in watching and listening to the world around me.

slackassassin,

Both perspectives are true and effort is the key in either case.

Not everyone is destined to lose appreciation for the moment, regardless of “newness”.

Nor is everyone so easily adept at willing it to be so.

But engaged awareness, to your point, is a helpful consideration to be sure!

What a great tool to reach for!

jandar_fett,

Photography helped me with this, and I know not everyone is creative, but editing photos personally helped me find some wonder. You can do so much with perspective and change an image into something completely different with just the right modifications… Anyway. The world is shifty and we have all been in it too long and are Hella jaded. You just have to find novel things, even if it is harder for our brains to view that way, we can even trick our brains by doing mundane things in a new way. Like for instance instead of shaving in the shower or bathroom, go outside into nature, bring a mirror and shave there. I remember Michio Kaku saying something like this and the added bonus is it will make your life feel longer too, since it is adding novelty, your brain doesn’t just go into autopilot.

WarmSoda,

Well, the older you get the more experiences you have. Not everything is going to feel new when you’ve been through it a few decades.

I’d say it’s normal.

remotelove, (edited )

That is why I fell in love with shrooms, TBH. Psilocybin has resurrected a curiosity in me that I haven’t felt in years. I just seemed that at 40 years, there aren’t many situations that I haven’t seen or experienced in daily life. As a side benefit, I have learned how to grow mushrooms.

Edit: haven’t

WarmSoda,

I just seemed that at +40 years, there aren’t many situations that I have seen or experienced in daily life.

Very true, I feel that. It’s incredibly easy to not even realize that, too.

My only fear is I’ve got another 40 years to go lol

remotelove,

The “midlife crisis” is real. For me, it’s looking for new things to do, cutting out bad habits (drinking) and am trying not to think about how life is actually all downhill from here. I am not going to buy a sports car or anything, but some healthy experimentation with psychedelics does seem to scratch that itch.

I think I rationalized my fear by understanding just how much shit I have seen and I still have another 30 to 40 years left, which is a good thing.

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