How have you successfully gotten over a breakup? I did not end the relationship and it was the most significant of my life. I feel confused and trying to understand why. I’m not sleeping well and my anxiety has decided to resurface. I’m ruminating. I don’t have many people to go to about this. Please don’t say I will find someone else, because I can’t go there right now. And I know it won’t happen anyway.
First- understand that everyone goes through this, everybody has an answer for you, but the answer that worked for them may not work for you. There’s no right or wrong answer. A lot of people say ‘the way to get over someone is to get under someone’ personally I’ve never subscribed to that sort of thinking. It leads to unhealthy rebound relationships IMHO.
The only thing that will really fix this is time. So there is no magic bullet. There are things you can do to help though or pass the time faster. The biggest one is find ways to not ruminate. Focus your attention on other things, ideally useful things. Take some time to improve yourself in fun ways. Hit the gym is an obvious one, but I generally recommend take up a hobby or learn an instrument or take a class. Basically learn some fun new skill and focus your attention on that. It serves as a distraction from your grief, but also a source of engagement and a little happiness.
It WILL get better.
Going through a break up sucks. Like really sucks. There’s no getting around it that I’ve found. It does get better after some time (maybe a lot of time), but I wouldn’t worry about that right now. Exercise seemed to help me with some of the overthinking and rumination. Over time it will get less raw and you’ll likely develop some perspective that will help, But for now take time to grieve and feel sad.
It’s a lot like a funeral really. You will want to shoot them a text, or tag them on social media, and you can’t or just get sad when you do. And if it’s someone you really, truly cared for, it will take a long while. And that’s okay. I seriously lost who I thought was the one I was supposed to be with, did a couple short realtionships and some one night stands (all optional) and then met my wife three years after that big break up. But you just keep keeping on
I moved on tremendously from my first break up by taking shrooms and crying about every little detail to a friend for 6 hours. The next day I felt normal. The next week I felt half as bad as originally. My normal grieving period is about 3 months to 3 years, average is somehow 3 weeks.
It will suck for a while. And then it will get better. And it will stop hurting. Go hang out with friends as much as you can. Keep busy. Time is the only cure and keeping busy will make time go faster.
Take your time, and try to focus on yourself. It’s normal to feel uneven when someone/something that’s meaningful for you suddently (or forcefully) goes away.
And not because you broke up with that person it means you cannot reamain friends.
But right now you got to get on your feet. (unless you have a cat over your chest, in that case do not move).
Breakups suck, and there’s no shortcut to getting through them.
Time will help you heal. You will go through the morning cycle - look it up, if you need a refresher - and the end of the cycle is “acceptance”. Look forward to it!
Trying to understand why will cause you even more pain. My advice: treat it as a funeral/loss of a loved one. The time has simply come. Do your mourning and move on. Dwelling on it will only cause my pain and reopen old wounds.
Add comment