How have you successfully gotten over a breakup? I did not end the relationship and it was the most significant of my life. I feel confused and trying to understand why. I’m not sleeping well and my anxiety has decided to resurface. I’m ruminating. I don’t have many people to go to about this. Please don’t say I will find someone else, because I can’t go there right now. And I know it won’t happen anyway.
Going through a break up sucks. Like really sucks. There’s no getting around it that I’ve found. It does get better after some time (maybe a lot of time), but I wouldn’t worry about that right now. Exercise seemed to help me with some of the overthinking and rumination. Over time it will get less raw and you’ll likely develop some perspective that will help, But for now take time to grieve and feel sad.
Take your time, and try to focus on yourself. It’s normal to feel uneven when someone/something that’s meaningful for you suddently (or forcefully) goes away.
And not because you broke up with that person it means you cannot reamain friends.
But right now you got to get on your feet. (unless you have a cat over your chest, in that case do not move).
Breakups suck, and there’s no shortcut to getting through them.
Time will help you heal. You will go through the morning cycle - look it up, if you need a refresher - and the end of the cycle is “acceptance”. Look forward to it!
I’m very sorry you’re going through this. Someone broke things off with me and it still hurts, even if it has been a while. The first month was the hardest, then it gets easier bit by bit. What helped me was keeping busy with work, I had a lot going on to keep me distracted. I tried to do things that I didn’t do before, or that I wanted to try and never got the chance to do, or stopped doing when I got in the relationship. I found it important to try to enjoy my solitude, but that takes time. Go places, even if it’s very near you. I delved into my hobbies to keep my mind off of it. If you can, try to process things bit by bit, just don’t try to escape your feelings in the long run, that fucked me over(It’s been a while since I avoided processing my former relationship so yea).
It’s so hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I can say time will help. And that is very true, but it doesn’t help you in this moment. But it’s something to think about.
Meditation helps. I was in such a bad place after a breakup. I had a constant feeling of panic and depression. I started to meditate. Guided meditations from online. I would seriously meditate for 1.5 or 2 hours every day, sometimes twice. It helped a little and it used up the time I would normally spend feeling miserable.
My attitude was to find ways to occupy my time so I couldn’t use that time letting my mind spin. I started saying “yes” anyone asked me to do something that would use up my time. I made some friends because of that, too.
It will suck for a while. And then it will get better. And it will stop hurting. Go hang out with friends as much as you can. Keep busy. Time is the only cure and keeping busy will make time go faster.
When a relationship ends, you’re watching something die. You will have to grieve, like you do for any death. Not just grieving for the end of the relationship, but grieving for all the lost opportunities.  The trips you haven’t taken together, things you haven’t said to each other, the family you never make together.
Unfortunately, it sucks.
These things take time to process, understand, learn from, and eventually move forward with.
You need to adjust to a new normal. And that new normal should be busy. Schedule regular gym visits, classes, language learning, book club, cooking, guitar time, whatever. Productive routine is important and it will help stabilize you.
Sometimes, the pain you feel will be greater than you built in resources for dealing with pain. This is when you add professional counseling to healing regiment. Please sing feel too proud for therapy. Even online therapy companies like BetterHelp are a great resource.
Go out of your comfort zone and say yes to being with people. Invited for after-work drinks, or a birthday party you don’t really care about… go anyways. You don’t have to talk to them about the breakup, just being around others will help you feel less alone.
Also, do a little house cleaning. Rearrange some furniture, get some new clothes, change the rug - something so what you see marks a clear before and a clear after. Take a vacation if you have some PTO and resources. You don’t have to spend any money or go anywhere. Just go to a park and chill on a bench. Relax a few minutes a day.
At a certain point, will be looking forward to tomorrows more than you look back at yesterdays. It could be weeks, months, but it’ll be a sign you’re ready to date.
I moved on tremendously from my first break up by taking shrooms and crying about every little detail to a friend for 6 hours. The next day I felt normal. The next week I felt half as bad as originally. My normal grieving period is about 3 months to 3 years, average is somehow 3 weeks.
The best way to get over a breakup is to hook up with as many random people as possible. Take a couple nice pictures, set up a tinder/bumble/zoosk/hinge/badoo/whatever dating app you choose and just get out there and have a bunch of casual consensual sex. It’ll feel gross at first but just grit your teeth and power through because it’ll feel a lot better after a while
It might have worked for you, but it didn’t work for me. Actively trying to distract myself with girls didn’t fix the root of the problem. I hooked up with about 7 girls in 6 months and I only felt lonelier after. For me, it was kind of like those self-improvement, wake up at 4 am, grind-all-day type of programs. It worked while I was doing it, but as soon as I was still, all the feelings that I had been hiding/avoiding came right back. It was a distraction, not a solution.
What worked for me was thinking and time. At first, I ran from the feelings, but as soon as I realized they weren’t going anywhere, I just embraced them. I cried and cried, thought about how I felt when I cried, thought about my options, etc. Evaluating my life, actions, where I had been, and where I was headed helped me a lot. After a while, I decided to get fit, find my style (clothing, colors, facial hair, etc), and make friends. People can feel when you’re confident and satisfied. When you’re not just looking for something from them because you have it in yourself. People like that.
Life is good right now. I have a new partner, and even though I still sometimes think about my first real love, it’s not a feeling of longing anymore. I just think about the good times, and I have accepted that we won’t get back together. On the slim chance that we do, it will be many, many years from now.
That’s what worked for me, but it might not work for others. The only advice I ask OP to listen to, is to not go down the path of hate. Don’t hate your ex. Don’t hate women. Don’t hate the world. Now more than ever, platforms like TikTok, YouTube, Twitter, and others will push Andrew Tate, alpha male, content to you. This is the wrong path. I’m not sure of the nature of your relationship, but even if your ex was a bad person, that does not mean the rest of the world is. Learn to love people for who they are, and you’ll find satisfaction when you let go of expectations. Relationships are an add on to your life, not the final piece to the puzzle.
Give yourself time to heal because you deserve it. If hooking up with people helps, then go right ahead, but it did not help me.
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