I’ve been a software engineer for the last 17 years, with the last 11 years having been in management. The further people get in their career the easier it is to forget to stay humble. You can’t always be the smartest person in the room. It’s statistically unlikely. One of my favorite books I’ve read is “The Secret: What Great Leaders Know and Do” (not to be confused with “The Secret”). The book covers how you can stay humble in your career, reinvent yourself, value the contributions of others, etc. The fact is that even if you end up in a leadership position, you won’t necessarily be the smartest person in the room. Even if you made a great decision for the team years ago, that may not hold up now. Be open to the fact that you’re wrong. Be open to change. If you can’t do that then you’re going to end up set aside as a dinosaur. Adapt. If you don’t then you’ll be left behind. And be kind, because you never know who you’ll work with again. Being smart isn’t carte blanche to be an asshole to anyone who isn’t as smart as you. You’ll likely need them at some point if you stick around long enough.
I work in early years. Yes babies have a great understanding of body language and facial expression long before they can talk to communicate.
Young children are actually far more intelligent than most people give them credit for. Just because they can’t communicate it the same language as us yet doesn’t mean they don’t know what they’re doing.
If they didn’t understand body language, how would they bond with people? And people bond back with them? Not to be insulting, but it’s like with pets. We can build bonds with them because we learnt to understand each others body language even though we don’t speak the same language
it’s like with pets. We can build bonds with them because we learnt to understand each others body language even though we don’t speak the same language
Nice example :-)
I have read that cats use their meowing ONLY when they communicate with humans. Among other cats / animals, they use different languages.
And dogs have that look they use on humans that says help me. Also I have seen dogs present their rear for communication to other dogs but not to humans.
Yes babies have a great understanding of body language and facial expression long before they can talk to communicate.
I knew it!
My wife is a social worker and she said the opposite and we had like a big quarel over it. I was 99% sure I was right, but I since she’s a social worker, she’s more the authority on this matter than I am (I’m an engineer) and I thought I’d double check, just to be sure.
It’s amazing how people still deny evolution. The wild relatives of Guinea Pigs are silent only making noise when one is totally isolated from the group and needs to find it. The domesticated ones are loud making a variety of different noises for different needs and emotions.
The species evolved towards us because we are evolved to respond to “help me” noises from small cute furry things. Why? Because babies that were not responding and communicating ended up dead.
I used brilliant for a while to see what it was like and tbh if you have the time to use it regularly and the money to spend, I thought it was worth it. I just don’t have the time to make it worthwhile right now.
I learnt a lot in a short space of time and it kept my attention well, which can be difficult given I have adhd.
I’m sure there are better, more in depth, apps or websites somewhere but I found the game like interface to be much better for me and much more interesting
I had a six-month-long marriage. My ex-wife was not a nice person and everyone else could see it almost immediately, but I was swept away by how determined to be with me she was. It felt so good to have a woman who was attractive, successful, and very, very interested in me. Too good to be true, as it turned out. I’m not sure exactly what was wrong with her - something like borderline personality disorder? Once I committed to her, she became very jealous and would go from sweet to angry frequently and with no provocation. Although she only ever yelled at me, I was scared of her.
I’ve made mistakes in my life that were good for me because they were learning experiences. My marriage wasn’t one of them - I wish that it had never happened. However, I did still learn from it:
Don’t look down so much on people who make obvious, foolish mistakes. You might end up as one of them. I didn’t think I was the kind of person who would ever get divorced but here I am…
Admitting that you made a big mistake feels terrible, but the real problem is the big mistake, not the admission of it. I was a fool to be married for just six months, but I would have been a bigger fool if I stayed in that marriage longer than that. I’m still ashamed that I married my ex, but I’m proud that I had the courage to leave.
Time does heal wounds. All my hopes and dreams about the future with her were garbage, my judgement was no better than that of a daytime talk-show guest, and my humiliation was known to every single person who was important to me, since they were all at my wedding. Then years passed, and while I still haven’t spoken to some more distant relatives simply because I don’t want to explain that I’m not with my ex-wife any more, I have in fact moved on with my life.
FINALLY, something I can meaningfully contribute to.
I could give you a ‘boo-hoo’ story about how i failed to get into medical school the first time. Well I am. It was absolutely soul-crushing and morale-decimating. It was one of the hardest struggles I’ve ever had. It threw me into an identity crisis and compounded with my in-progress imposter syndrome in ways that would spark nothing but self-loathing and depression.
For months I agonized and isolated myself in my room until I realized that If I don’t try for my own future, no one else can or will. Took a bit of self reflection to realize the fault lied with me. Took me an even longer time to figure out what mistakes killed my application, how, why, and formulate a plan to avoid repetition. The process took me 3 years. I won’t tell you exactly how old I am, but people my age are getting married, buying houses, making 6-figure incomes, etc. By contrast, I am barely making minimum wage and banding together couch surfing and splitting rent with my friends.
It’s tough not to compare myself to everyone else’s situations. This was made worse by the fact my family and friends (maybe 45% of them) constantly shit talk me behind my back. Sometimes wine comes back up the grape-vine. Sometimes it isn’t a sweet Rosso. I kept chugging along despite some of my friends and family acting as headwinds against me.
I kept up this process for 3 years, believing that I could actually do it. That maybe one day I won’t be earning 10 dollars an hour working 50 hours a week. Most of all, I felt that I had a real purpose and goal to work toward. Medicine.
I am very proud to report to Lemmy that I actually got accepted to 5 different medical schools so far! I felt bad even turning down one offer for another.
How I got over my failure and crisis of identity? Maybe it was ego. Maybe it was my hurt pride. Maybe it was selfishness. Maybe it’s because I am too stubborn to take “no” for an answer for something that means so much to me. I choose to believe that I worked hard for it and was able to swallow my pride and keep on chugging along patiently working for the light at the end of the tunnel.
Don’t get me wrong, the light at the end of the tunnel is still an on-coming train. Medical school is hell. I realize it is nothing but hard work and suffering. Nothing would make me happier than to go into a field that makes a direct difference in people’s lives.
TLDR: Medical school :D -> rejection D: -> depression D: -> epiphany :/ -> hard work :( -> a brighter future perhaps :).
This isn’t a general formula or anything. I just haven’t been able to talk to anyone about any of this. I feel that emptying out my feelings into the void of the internet might be kind of therapeutic. I never thought I’d share any of my deepest feelings on the internet, let alone reddit. Here, I feel comfortable to do so.
Plant the seed. Keep on watering. As long as the soil you choose to plant isn’t salted, you will reap the rewards your past self has sown.
I just read into it. Interesting. I thought resilience or robustness covered that, but it is an entirely unique term.
I’m honored you think so highly of me! In truth, I am a pretty fragile human being. My feelings are easily hurt, etc. (though I know this is different than you mean) I am working on being a little more thick skinned and such.
Congratulations!!! Yeah, it’s a long road ahead, but you’ve got the in now. You’ve passed the biggest barrier to entry. After this, it’s a marathon, but an exclusive one that you managed to get a spot at. I know you’ll be a great doctor, especially because you have humbler beginnings than some and know how it felt to struggle. Humility is a big part of being an empathetic human being and a good doctor. You got this!
I know it’s way too early to say, but what field do you think you’ll end up in?
I was thinking of psychiatry or internal medicine!
Mental health is at an all-time low nowadays. I think it is a field I can make a more significant difference in. Speaking of higher ambitions, If i do choose psychiatry, I aim to become a lobbyist for mental health as well.
That’s a very admirable goal! Definitely a field that takes a lot of mental fortitude!
Good luck and I hope you enjoy whatever field you end up in. I’m not a doctor nor am I planning to become one, but I’m partial to pathology myself…although it isn’t patient facing.
Actually I see failing as the key to success. It either tells me what I did wrong and what are the things I need to improve or that the thing I tried to achieve was not for me and I can go on improving elsewhere.
Had a good wallowing, thinking my life was over. Then slept on it. But yeah - just a refusal to let whatever it was be the end. And to continue not for others but for myself.
Currently in the throes of attempting to trade for a living.
What has helped me immensely is to ‘denature’ goals so that I can measure success beyond something binary like “did I achieve X”. Instead, I will specify more subtle signs of progress/improvement, and track those instead. That way, even when I fall short of the ideal outcome, I still have actionable, helpful takeaways that can assist w/ my next attempt. Repeat ad nauseum until success.
Another suggestion is to read books like ‘Grit’ and ‘Resilience’ and ‘Mindset’.
It definitely is a major consideration, mostly because things work more seamlessly when they belong to the same ecosystem. With my past experience, it is very difficult to switch from one to the other and that is why I’m consciously making an effort to rely more on open hardware/software.
It varies, sometimes comes back within 1 year but different than before, so stuff that one tasted good now tastes bad. I will look for some saved links about this when I get a chance, but of course you can also try web search.
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