I think I got a crush on my dance instructor. Which fucking sucks for all the obvious reasons. Normally I wouldn’t be so worried. BUT I JUST HAD A GODDAMN ROMANTIC DREAM ABOUT HER. Seriously I just woke up from a dream about her confessing her love to me and me eagerly doing the same about her.
So how do you stop a crush from developing further? Because this is a well from which only disappointment may be drawn.
Your feelings are yours, personally I’d just wallow in it and feel it and do absolutely nothing about it, you don’t need to tell her, a crush is by definition sort of a fantasy thing. It’s not her, it’s some dream person you’ve attached to her. But I’m old so have been through this more times. It gets easier and then it gets fun.
I saw your post the other day and didn’t have anything constructive to add (my instinct was to say ‘just see where it goes, but don’t force it to be romantic’, but I know so little about the situation that it’s hollow advice), but I came across this article in the NY Times that might speak to your situation. It talks about limerence, which is a new word for me. I say might, because it might not be what you’re feeling, but it’s worth a read regardless, and the tips on how to overcome it in the article seem useful (and have backing by different researchers, so they’re bound to have more material on the subject that would be potentially related to what you’re going through).
All this advise is making me realize it wasn’t just a crush.
I’ve not seen her for years, I try my best to have contempt for her, I don’t look her up or make any sort of contact. She’s dead as far as I know, and that’s kinda how it feels. But I think about her often, I think about the regrets. It’s been years of no contact and I’m still mourning losing this “crush”
I’ve found that when I want to kill a crush I can start looking for characteristics I dislike. Everyone has them and early on in infatuation we gloss over them. But intentionally highlight them and that crush usually goes away pretty quick. Works for me anyway
Really? Man, I always thought it was to study their routines and plan the murder for when they are most alone and have the site and a grave prepared. Ideally away from prying eyes unless you like the thrill of getting caught or whatever…
But that aside, this is really solid advice. Nitpicking things you don’t like is a great option towards losing interest.
The advice People give in the comments it’s absolutely funny, it reeks of people who never leaves their house, or is women giving advice or some western Buddhist bullshit about letting go.
Would asexuals really have that bad of a time in a country that is not that supportive of LGBT? I don’t think not wanting to have sex is seen as bad by people who dislike LGBT?
Any religious argument against LGBT folks works just as well on Ace folks. (Which is to say they don’t, but the people making the arguments think they do)
In my country especially (it’s Morocco), so many people think it’s a bad idea to not get married and not have children (which requires sex anyway) simply because it’s so engrained in our society to do that. Blame the state religion.
Idk why, but when I told my dad I wanna be celibate, he called me an atheist, which I’m not.
Also, asexualism is technically a part of LGBT, just in a very secondary manner. If people know about the full picture, they’ll start threatening you.
Lol that’s not even close to real awkwardness of letting romantic feelings develop to crazy levels and end up friendzoned or worse. We need to be men and avoid falling a victim to our own naivety.
Also, that’s also why I said to distance from her, which includes not taking classes with her anymore.
Either she rejects and that’s a big turn off for the very obvious reason of her not wanting to be with OP (or it should be), or she accepts and it could be great. Nothing to lose.
Yeah. It’s super scary but it’s really the most optimal route. I fell in love with a friend, told her, she said she doesn’t feel the same way but we still remain friends and after a period of awkwardness it got back to the way it was before. We live in different parts of the world most of the year so nothing would really change one way or another, but still, it was easier to get things out in the open.
Just should tell her in a non-creepy casual way and it should be fine.
Time. Crushes are naturally a temporary infatuation. They pass given time. Have fun with the fantasies, but I personally would not suggest trying to actually hit on her.
It’s poor form to hit on people in their work places. If she initiates, that’s one thing, but I wouldn’t try anything otherwise.
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