I think I got a crush on my dance instructor. Which fucking sucks for all the obvious reasons. Normally I wouldn’t be so worried. BUT I JUST HAD A GODDAMN ROMANTIC DREAM ABOUT HER. Seriously I just woke up from a dream about her confessing her love to me and me eagerly doing the same about her.
So how do you stop a crush from developing further? Because this is a well from which only disappointment may be drawn.
In my experience, get to know the person, as a person. I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.
This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.
Didn’t hear any compelling reasons as to why an actual relationship would be bad. Having a relationship with an authority figure (teacher, doctor, therapist, etc) is taboo and often illegal, but if there’s really a connection there it should be doable to change up schedules or find new instruction so there’s no conflict anymore. Most of my crushes though have been very superficial and a few conversations dispelled the fantasy.
I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.
That’s pretty damn well put.
This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.
There is maybe a tiny window. But it’s worth a shot.
Try actively steering your fantasy past the peak of infatuation and into the latter stages of a relationship and on to breakup.
Right now, you have intrusive thoughts about falling in love with them, and probably the excitement of getting to know someone intimately. Instead of trying to hold back, let that fantasy play out in your head further. Imagine moving in, imagine them not getting you when you’re explaining your problems. Imagine liking them, but finding their bad habits increasingly intolerable, and never being able to pick a movie to watch. Imagine them not flushing the toilet and clogging the shower drain with hair. And then imagine meeting someone new, and feeling guilty about crushing had on them. Imagine this new person reciprocates, and imagine politely explaining to your dance instructor that you guys can stay friends but, the romance has run it’s course.
And there you are. The itch is scratched, and in your mind they’re just a friend again.
I’m sorry if I bummed you out! For what it’s worth, I think you’re misreading this!
This exercise isn’t supposed to reflect an inevitability to relationships becoming unfulfilling. It’s just a tool to recover the ability to see people in a balanced and realistic way instead of through the uncontrollably lens of puppy love.
I’m in a long term relationship, well past the point of early infatuation, and I can tell you that that feeling is replaced by a different kind of love that I enjoy just as much. Long term relationships shouldn’t be scary, they’re wonderful. But when you’re smitten, simulating the evolution in how you feel about someone as you get to know them is just a way to remove the effects of a crush.
Don’t be sad! Long term relationships with a person you like are wonderful.
This totally works. Way back in middle school I had a pretty big crush on this guy. I was shy and there was just a trickle of his interest in me, posibly imaginary, but just enough to keep me miserable. One night had a pretty long dream about us going through a whole relationship with all the misunderstandings, arguments, and realizations that come with it. Woke up super refreshed, fulfilled, and ready to move on. About a year later he asked me out and I turned him down. Felt like it’d be going back to an ex or something.
Full speed ahead, tell her how you feel. It can only end in two ways:
Your dream becomes a premonition and you live happily ever after.
She tells you she doesn’t feel the same way and it ends there, awkwardly or not.
Speaking from experience. I had a crush on this one girl and I just couldn’t get her out of my mind. I decided to do something about it and asked her out. She said no and that was the end of it.
Don’t be afraid to be awkward.
Edit: If this truly is an impossible situation (you or the instructor are already in committed relationships) then I agree with everyone else telling you to find another instructor.
OR
Still do what I said but try to reconcile your feelings for her, with her. Also speaking from experience here. If she is a dance instructor, she is probably no stranger to having her pupils develop feelings for her.
If she is a dance instructor, she is probably no stranger to having her pupils develop feelings for her.
But this just makes it worse. Cause you’re probably right. Which would make me feel even more like a schmuck. Yeah I think I’m just gonna go find a new instructor.
Agreed. Coming out to a crush has never helped me personally as it was pretty evident they weren’t showing as much interest in me as I had in them. For me, crushes have always happened when my exposure to the person was one-sided/parasocial (as seems to have been the case in your lesson). I have found that the most effective way to prevent this is to get to know people that excite you on a personal level before a crush can develop. This usually means enthusiastically trying to interact with them moment I notice them and abandoning them if it does not work out — instead of watching them for a while and then deciding whether to approach.
Time. Crushes are naturally a temporary infatuation. They pass given time. Have fun with the fantasies, but I personally would not suggest trying to actually hit on her.
It’s poor form to hit on people in their work places. If she initiates, that’s one thing, but I wouldn’t try anything otherwise.
One thing that has always helped me stop thinking a crush is when I’ve gotten another crush. I’m not sure this helps you much though lmao
I also used to get crushes on people I met who I was platonically excited about, if I thought about them too much. Lmk if this is you and I can go into more detail
Think of all the aspects you like about her and think of all the ways they might be impractical. I know someone who said they had a crush on “the most delicate person I could have met” and I asked “but would delicacy be good for parenting” and then her crush ended.
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