ada, 2 years ago

I’ve had nearly a dozen surgeries, and none of them have gone like that.

Sometimes I have a mask over my face, but mostly I don’t, then they give me a little prick in my arm. I feel cold travel up my arm, whilst the person counts down from 10. When the cold gets to my shoulder, which is usually when the countdown is at about 7 or so, I go under, like someone turned off a light, but just slow enough that I can just remember an awareness of being about to go under. There’s no weakness, no feeling of being unable to move, just cold travelling up my arm, and then lights out.

Then, I wake up, with an awareness that time has passed, though not an awareness of how long it has been.