Sounds like a tearjerking tale of a recently-bereaved man returning the shoe of a road accident victim he found in a bush to the victim’s late wife, through which they spark a deep friendship that goes beyond mere love. PG-13 5/10 Oscar-bait shite.
It Lives - Roddy Piper discovers some special glasses that reveal one evil alien hiding among the populace. He has a 20-minute fight with Keith David over who gets to kill the alien. They kill it and then the movie ends.
The touching story of a dog down the street that won’t STOP FUCKING BARKING!! All day and night, every day! Does it not sleep!? Does it not eat!? Are it’s owners deaf or were they brutally murdered by their neighbors for letting their damn dog bark every fucking second of every day!?
Geena Davis stars as a Dottie, a WWII housewife who thinks about playing baseball while her husband is away at war, but then decides not to and instead spends two hours tidying up the house and getting started on a casserole. The movie ends before the casserole comes out of the oven.
The Incredible - Instead of his whole family being super, it’s just him. He’s hidden his identity his whole life and is killed by Syndrome trying to reclaim his glory days because there’s no one to come help him.
Dead Poet Society - Just the sad story about the one guy who kills himself
One Samurai - Weeb who thinks he’s a Samurai tries to defend the innocent. Gets killed on his first attempt.
The Magnificent One (so many thing this could turn the movie into but I choose to believe it’ll end up about some religious figure)
Ghostbuster - Just Bill Murray being a quack scientist the whole time, or maybe Egon having a fruitless search for ghosts
One (previously Seven) - A documentary about some billionaire who thinks they’re special and the only one who can save the world.
Star War - Stops after the first movie. Wait, this may make it better.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle - It’s just the scientist on his quest to make the first turtle
The Musketeer - Given this movie exists and I doubt many people who watched it could even tell you what it was about, speaks for itself
Transformer - Documentary about the making of the first electrical transformer.
Tremor - becomes a movie about an earthquake that happens in Perfection. Destroys the few buildings in town and they are forced to rebuild or move.
X-man - Story of the last person in the X-men group, basically a rehash of Logan.
The Warrior - Yet another story about some special person in the distant past who’s a great fighter or saves his village from some bandits.
Beaststar: A rubber-hose styled cartoon series about a man’s journey to create music and stage-plays for animals.
A Single Thing, In A Single Place, At A Single Moment In Time (Everything, Everywhere, All At Once): an avant-garde art-house flick featuring a single image of a random object that’s displayed in complete silence for 2h19m. Each screening is unique, showing a different object every time.
One Night At Freddy’s: a gaysploitation film about a one-night stand between Freddy and an unnamed male lover.
A Dungeon and Dragon: An Honorable Thief: a gaysploitation film about a dragon’s relationship with a would-be Robin Hood who attempts to steal the dragon’s horde before falling head-over-heels for the giant reptile. The movie ends with the thief convincing the dragon to be content with the love between them before distributing the dragon’s massive wealth among the nearby townsfolk.
The Super Mario Movie: An Italian-American from the Brooklyn, New York discovers his extra-terrestrial heritage.
It’s Life (IT Lives): a movie about coming to terms with hardship. The movie is presented entirely without character dialogue with running narration read from a detached perspective. The movie follows a professional clown who has become depressed by his job prospects in a world where clowns are rapidly losing popularity.
Jaw: a movie about a man with a prosthetic jaw. Will his prosthetic-induced speech impediment keep him from love?
Star War: an animated movie about an anthropomorphic star that goes off to war and returns with severe PTSD. Can the star’s close relatives survive when the star begins to lash out with solar flares as a result of their trauma?
This is a Spinal Tap: an educational documentary about spinal taps used to help train surgeons about when to use a spinal tap and how to administer one.
Reservoir Dog: a documentary about a stray dog who lives in a reservoir. There is nothing special about the dog. The only dialogue comes in the form of candid interactions between the stray dog and various humans who come into contact with it. The final scene shows the dog being brought to a shelter by animal control where it is vaccinated and nursed back to full health, before eventually being put down as no one wanted to adopt it.
No Country For An Old Man: a documentary about a man who, due to being born homeless during a time of strife and rebellion, grows up to discover that he lacks any form of citizenship or birth records. The movie follows him as he finds himself caught in bureaucracy, bouncing from country to country as each one deports him in spite of his appeals for citizenship on the grounds of statelessness. The movie concludes with him dying homeless and alone, without any possessions or friends. He is buried in a pauper’s field, his body unclaimed and unnamed.
This was fun, but jesus christ this got dark. I know This Is (A) Spinal Tap and It’s Life/IT Lives is a stretch regarding the titles, but they seemed fun to do.
Some opposites:
The Godfathers: a bunch of men fight with each other over who should be the Godfather to their best friend’s children. There can be only one.
Jurassic Parks: oh no there are more of them.
The Terminators: OH NO THERE ARE MORE OF THEM.
Shawns of the Dead: during the zombie apocalypse, a group of men discover that only people named Shawn are immune to the z-virus. The twist comes when one of the Shawns comes out as trans and is immediately overwhelmed by the virus after announcing her new preferred name to the group of surviving Shawns.
Uppies! (Up): A cult animated movie created by a small team of furries about cute animal-people asking/begging humans for uppies.
Yep! (Nope): A live-action movie about a horse ranch and a helpful eldritch alien with a can-do attitude.
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