pete_the_cat,

This is a good one 😂

KnightontheSun, (edited )

I’ve used this joke IRL with our cats. There’s another one for dogs:

A guy and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender says, “hey, you can’t bring a dog in here.”

The guy says, “this is no ordinary dog. He’s a talking dog.”

Bartender says, “yeah? Prove it.” The guy turns to the dog and says, “What’s on top of the building?” And the dog says “Roof! Roof!”

Then the guy says, “How does a brick feel?” The dog says “Rough! Rough!”

The guy then says, “Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?” The dog says “Ruth! Ruth!”

They are thrown out of the bar.

When they’re out on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, “So, you think I should have said DiMaggio?”

FuglyDuck,
@FuglyDuck@lemmy.world avatar

They are thrown out of the bar

I’m surprised you weren’t with that joke. speaking from experience, i love my lame jokes. (and I’m not totally stealing this one…not at all.)

KnightontheSun,

Lame jokes can be presented in a funny way. Delivery is important. My favorite method is “matter of fact” like I am telling a normal story about usual things. Catches the recipient off-guard and the joke lands much more betterer.

Littleborat,

I think you over estimate your delivery there

FuglyDuck,
@FuglyDuck@lemmy.world avatar

it all comes down to delivery and timing. and maybe a healthy amount of booze.

TheMightyDinkan,
hakunawazo,

Or this classic very dark joke: How do you make a cat sound like a dog? You pour gasoline on the cat and light it on fire. WHOOF

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Push the dog through a buzz saw. MEEOOWW

SpaceNoodle,

Is she in awe?

lowleveldata,

Isn’t it a strange question to ask if you don’t want an offensive answer?

surewhynotlem,

She wasn’t offended by the answer. She thought the cat couldn’t talk and was just saying ‘meow’.

lowleveldata,

Oh I see. I was confused. But that kind of makes the question even more odd if you don’t want answers with cat sounds.

Tb0n3,

This was a funny comic with a joke in it. You appear to disagree that this comic should have a joke in it.

lowleveldata,

I’m saying it is forced and therefore less funny than it could be

killeronthecorner,
@killeronthecorner@lemmy.world avatar

More forced than dying on this hill?

lowleveldata,

I’m not convinced that I’m the only one who thinks it’s forced…

Cheems,
@Cheems@lemmy.world avatar

I just don’t understand why you have such strong opinions on a silly comic

lowleveldata,

Strong opinion? Was I being rude? I don’t mean to

killeronthecorner,
@killeronthecorner@lemmy.world avatar

Your bar for being convinced is clearly too low for it to matter

lowleveldata,

Does that mean I’m easily convinced? What?

killeronthecorner,
@killeronthecorner@lemmy.world avatar

What’s your preferred programming or development environment?

lowleveldata,

Intellij or VS when I have to. VS code otherwise.

intensely_human,

Three redditors walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says “what is this, a joke?”

surewhynotlem,

That’s the joke though. He makes the ridiculous claim that he has a taking cat. She’s skeptical. She sees evidence to make her think the guy is a fraud. SURPRISE, it’s a real talking cat. That’s the twist.

WhiteHawk,

How is that answer offensive??

lowleveldata,

Idk I thought the lady was angry because she finds it offensive.

RickyRigatoni,
@RickyRigatoni@lemmy.ml avatar

She thought the cat just meowed.

JoeHill,

It’s the Ruth/DiMaggio dog joke from Looney Tunes.

4am,

I always think of Doug Benson’s version but this is one of the OGs

BigBananaDealer,
@BigBananaDealer@lemm.ee avatar

i like super daves version

Zyratoxx, (edited )
@Zyratoxx@lemmy.world avatar

Thanos (ah fuck, we’re being realistic)

r3df0x,

It took way too long to get the dad joke here.

Agent641, (edited )

To be fair, many of those deaths were landlords, who dont count as humans.

DragonTypeWyvern,

That’s pretty fucked in the head, fam, even if these lists love blaming single communists but it when it comes time to talk about the death tolls of WW1 and 2 it’s always a shared responsibility and contextual.

WhiteHawk,

What else would it be? I don’t see how one could blame WW1 on a single person. Though I would say most of WW2 could be blamed on a single person, if you really feel like it.

dangblingus,

The common narrative of WW1 is that it indeed was started by a single person. Gavrilo Princip assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand which most people agree was the inciting incident that caused WW1.

WhiteHawk,

I think it would be quite reductive to just blame the assassin. Sure, he was the one that created the spark that ignited the conflict, but it had been brewing for years, and we can’t ignore the roles the heads of states were playing in starting the war.

ILikeBoobies,

Even high school history talks about how it was all building up to that event and the event alone wasn’t the cause

Damdy,

The sequel was completely inevitable. You could argue it was all because of one person, but that person appearing was basically predetermined.

WhiteHawk,

I agree, but if you ignore all historical context, you could blame one person if you really wanted to, was what I meant.

DragonTypeWyvern,

And Mao personally executed 40 million people, huh? There wasn’t an entire ecosystem of officials fabricating reports at every level? His head of state security gets no credit for making everyone afraid to tell the truth?

Hell, the obnoxious thing about it is all it really does it blame the wrong single communist, people go on about the sparrows but Lysenkoism had destroyed crop yields before they got exterminated.

So, yes, it is as absurd to blame Mao entirely for The Great Leap Forward as it is to blame a Serbian assassin for WW1. There were cultural considerations, treaties, idiot officials, an agricultural policy built almost entirely on fraud, etc etc.

The most devastating thing about the Great Leap Forward is that the famine was entirely preventable if people weren’t afraid to tell the truth, and that simply isn’t a situation that can be built by one person.

Hell, there were good crops left to rot because the workers had left for the industrialization projects in the cities. Do you think Mao personally said “fuck that rice, go build some tractors?”

WhiteHawk,

You can’t compare these two situations at all. Princip was not the head of a country.

DragonTypeWyvern, (edited )

Everything is contextual. Hell the plan the assassins had was exactly to provoke a war. They might not have thought it would get as big as it did, they just wanted a civil war for independence, but if intentions don’t matter, and they must not for this discussion because the intention of The Great Leap Forward wasn’t to starve people.

The funny thing with The Black Hand’s plan is, it worked. Serbia didn’t just get independence, it became the primary power of Yugoslavia when the Austro-Hungarian Empire was dissolved.

LicenseToChill, (edited )

⬆️ your brain on dialectics

IHadTwoCows,

deleted_by_author

  • Loading...
  • vsh,
    @vsh@lemm.ee avatar

    Least mentally disabled commie

    Kusimulkku,

    Who

    Capitalism

    Goddamn you Mr. Capitalism

    WhiteHawk,

    Who?

    Capitalism

    Smartest commie right there

    Kolanaki,
    @Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

    Capitalism

    That’s a funny way of spelling religion.

    RichCaffeineFlavor,

    At least religions give food to the hungry sometimes

    willis936, (edited )

    Capitalism instead made food absurdly abundant and gave everyone air conditioned boxes.

    Edit: to address all of the nonsense responses below all at once: China’s embrace of capitalism has lifted hundreds of millions of people out of poverty.

    en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poverty_in_China

    IHadTwoCows,

    deleted_by_author

  • Loading...
  • zepheriths,

    Threw scarcity in the garbage? That seems like a good thing

    RichCaffeineFlavor,

    What kind of delusional child brain would claim capitalism gives everyone homes.

    dangblingus, (edited )

    Capitalism didn’t give us shit. We had to trade 1/3 of our lives for that “abundance”. Don’t make money because you’re disabled? Doesn’t seem so abundant anymore. Also, growing food isn’t a byproduct of capitalism. The agricultural revolution began before capitalism existed. Imagine how much better your life would be if you didn’t parrot ruling class talking points. You aren’t ruling class so stop LARPing as a member of it.

    phorq,

    Cats don’t care about political and economic ideologies… pay no attention to Egypt.

    GBU_28,

    That’s not a “who”

    RickyRigatoni,
    @RickyRigatoni@lemmy.ml avatar

    It is I, Mr. Capitalism. Give me tax breaks and child labor.

    countflacula,

    Holy shit it’s the real John Capitalism!

    PedroG14,
    drolex,

    Noobish kdr. Max 10 millions deaths, somewhere between a French general during WWI (not counting German casualties) and minor paranoid dictators. Too much time larping as a psychopathic torturer, not enough time getting the job done. Mao killed several million people on a good mood, that’s professionalism.

    DragonTypeWyvern,

    That’s ridiculous, you can’t judge the genocidal madmen KDA on body count alone, Leopold simply did more evil with less resources than anyone ever!

    Starting position matters, and Leopold came from behind to become one of the worsts.

    WhiteHawk,

    While it has proven difficult to accurately estimate the pre-colonial population and the amount by which it changed under the Congo Free State, estimates for the Congolese population decline during Leopold’s rule range from 1 million to 15 million.

    That’s a lot, but not even close to Mao

    Zehzin, (edited )
    @Zehzin@lemmy.world avatar

    Pretty sure the answer is “the brits”.

    Cannacheques,

    Can hardly blame them, pestilence and diseases are a genuine concern for any empire where armed forces have to move far distances over land or sea

    rahmad,

    Can definitely blame them… Several of the famines in their ‘empire’ were either engineered, caused through incompetence or arrogance, or ignored when preventable.

    Ref: Any of bengal’s several famines under British rule, frankly even after once you take Churchill into account.

    umbrella,
    @umbrella@lemmy.ml avatar

    Cats cant pronounce that tough, so it has to count all of those in a socialist’s name.

    In other news have you seen the latest royal wedding? So beautiful and glamorous, makes me feel blessed to have monarchs ruling over us!

    SatansMaggotyCumFart,

    I like when the prince ripped off the princess’s arm and shoved it into her ass.

    A beautiful day for Canada and therefore the world.

    Bondrewd,

    Nice shoehorn of anglo-saxon history, but those famines are all plagues and crop faliures for the most part.

    KepBen,

    Why is it the rich never starve if it’s just a totally unaccountable natural disaster?

    Bondrewd,

    Because they have money duuh.

    KepBen, (edited )

    So it’s less of a natural disaster and more of an economic disaster? I wonder why people would blame governments for that…

    Bondrewd, (edited )

    It is like miles away from the intentional economical engineering we are talking about. Still not sure why you are so bent on trying to wiggle them into a comparsion between regimes and personnel more direct, intentional and immediate like Mao or Stalin.

    If you dont distinguish from those, then why even have a debate on them?

    The joke implied that the question intended to ask one or very few directly involved personnel and you disregarded that. Thats it.

    KepBen,

    Right sure, when the British intentionally abuse Ireland and India it’s really just a whoopsie-daisy.

    Bondrewd,

    Should I really do the same kind of jumping to conclusions?

    Are you saying that the largest completely man made famine ever does not really deserve that much of a recognition?

    KepBen,

    Nope. I’m just saying they’re all “man-made”.

    LicenseToChill,

    The rich and the party cadres

    Kusimulkku,

    Rich usually have more resources and ability to purchase them at elevated prices. Hope that helps

    Filthmontane,

    All famines are crop failures. That’s kinda how famines happen.

    Kusimulkku,

    No

    A famine is a widespread scarcity of food,[1][2] caused by several factors including war, natural disasters, crop failure, widespread poverty, an economic catastrophe or government policies.

    creditCrazy,
    @creditCrazy@lemmy.world avatar

    I suppose you can consider getting your crops blown up a crop failure

    SchizoDenji,

    They forced farmers to grow indigo crops instead of natural cotton/wheat/rice.

    Bondrewd, (edited )

    Im pretty sure that was not during the drought itself, nor really caused it. It economically made sense and then probably exacerbated the famine.

    SchizoDenji,

    It wasn’t just the drought. Indigo cropping destroyed the soil first, drought exacerbated the problems.

    SchizoDenji,

    Yep, anyone saying otherwise is doing mental gymnastics.

    YeetPics,
    @YeetPics@mander.xyz avatar

    Is it Mr the brits or Mrs the brits?

    Ohhhh, you’re conflating a single leader with an entire country.

    You must be a lib, tankies say libs never argue in good faith, and your false equivalence is certainly in bad faith.

    lmaydev,

    We were all pretty cool with it all at the time tbh.

    Plenty of us will still defend it, which is crazy.

    RepulsiveDog4415,

    Until recently it was Mrs. Now it’s Mr or alternatively his majesty king Charles the 3rd.

    Is there enough reliable data to give a kill count for the different monarchs? It would be kind of interesting who scores highest in that regard.

    YeetPics,
    @YeetPics@mander.xyz avatar

    Exactly! Mao was one leader, England killed millions, sure, but that was spread over many many rulers.

    Mao stands at the top afaik, I’d love to see some stats though!

    Zehzin,
    @Zehzin@lemmy.world avatar

    Jesse what tf are you talking about

    YeetPics,
    @YeetPics@mander.xyz avatar

    Mocking a tankie with tankie logic.

    Rodeo,

    Or simply keeping with the theme of answers being a single individual and not an entire nation of hundreds of millions of people spanning centuries.

    SchizoDenji,

    Fair enough to be honest. I hate Mao, Genghis Khan, Hitler and Stalin too for being genocidal fucks.

    Blackmist,

    In fairness we’ve been around a lot longer, but it is impressive how one little island nation has managed to fuck so much shit up from afar.

    100_kg_90_de_belin,

    I think that Queen Victoria would rank pretty in the body count scoreboard

    Siegfried,

    Hey, i hate the british too, but the article doesn’t directly blame the british for the famines and it also includes famines that took place in non-british held or administrated territories.

    Nevertheless, it does point out that in many cases, british administration worsened the situation.

    activ8r,

    Nevertheless, it does point out that in many cases, british administration worsened the situation.

    To be fair… They were only practising for how they’d treat modern Britain.

    Zehzin, (edited )
    @Zehzin@lemmy.world avatar

    It also just one territory, I’m sure the Irish also have a few bones to pick.

    Though speaking of time advantage, the best answer might be “mosquitos”, and while “blood sucking insects” could be a name for british colonists, they didn’t spread malaria since the dawn of humanity

    seitanic,
    @seitanic@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    How do you mix up “ah” and “awe”?!

    dudinax,

    It’s awww

    hexabs,

    How do you mix up “aww” and “ah”

    Rooskie91,
    hakunawazo,

    I thought the cat turned into one of them (sorry to confirm Godwins law once again). www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/…/seigbest.pl

    lugal,

    I get the joke but I still expected some tankies to show up. But then again, OP is on lemmy.world which is defederated with the tankie instances so that’s why

    Sorgan71,

    why is it defederated

    Kichae,

    Because of the tankies.

    Sorgan71,

    but why the tankies

    MrBusiness,

    But why male models?

    uis,
    @uis@lemmy.world avatar

    Dictators and the rich

    Sorgan71,

    Ive never heard of anyone with that name

    RichCaffeineFlavor,

    How about Bill Gates? His control of intellectual property law allowed him to almost personally stop the global south from manufacturing their own COVID vaccines and instead have to purchase them from the west. Bill Gates is answerable to millions of deaths. He’s one of the most evil people alive but you get weird looks saying so. He’s one of the top 5 richest people in the world and has spent the last two decades doing PR.

    areyouevenreal,

    Source on the vaccines thing? Also how come Cuba could make their own?

    RichCaffeineFlavor,

    thenation.com/…/bill-gates-foundation-covid-vacci…

    I didn’t read this I just googled for you

    Cuba is one of the most medically advanced nations in the world

    Sorgan71,

    but his name is not dictators and the rich

    uis,
    @uis@lemmy.world avatar

    Poor-poor Billy, barely eats

    YeetPics,
    @YeetPics@mander.xyz avatar

    Richard Tators? Never heard of him.

    Mao is a serial genocidist. Cope, tankies.

    optissima,

    The question does not require a single name, it said who, which can be answered with a list of people or groups of people. Eg. Who did I make love to last night? A: Your parents!

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