Humans Against Shitting
Start the new year off right and leave this bad habit behind you, it’s disgusting!
fossphi, It’s not the shitting which annoys me, it’s the wiping. It’s frustrating and such a time waste
over_clox, Wait, you wipe? I thought 2024 was supposed to bring in anal dry cleaning…
fossphi, Born to shit, forced to wipe
original_reader, You will find a bidet to be your personal saviour.
FlyingSquid, 
If I had three wishes, one of them would be to never need to use the bathroom again.
Agent641, Wish granted. You now have catheter and colostomy bags.
FlyingSquid, STOP BEING THE TRICKY KIND OF GENIE PEOPLE!
platypus_plumba, (edited ) Wish granted, I’m the murderous kind of genie now. So… What’s your last wish?
FlyingSquid, Jeez. All I wanted was to never have to be around poo or pee again. Is that really asking too much? You guys are mean.
Bleach7297, 
Granted. You are on the moon (with empty bladder and poop shute)
over_clox, It’s simple, you just have to remind yourself of the difference between the words ‘give’ and ‘take’ a shit. You have to observe the direction of transaction, are you giving or taking?
And if you’re taking a shit, well where the hell are you taking it to, and why? 🤔
FlyingSquid, When my dogs poo while I’m walking them, I have to take their shit from someone’s lawn to my garbage can if that counts.
over_clox, Well clearly you’ve identified the problem. If your dogs poo every time you walk them, then stop walking them and they’ll stop pooing, problem solved 👍
qyron, May every single misdeed you ever commited happen to you. Ten fold.
over_clox, We got a ten shitter here!
Bruh, chill out.
tweeks, Even if that would mean that we keep growing in size, fattening up completely with all we ever consume?
FlyingSquid, Well no, obviously I would stay the way I am.
SapphireVelvet84839, Everybody jokes but one day there’s going to be a
Cyberpunk|40kMechanicus|DeusExmarket part for purchase, and the world will be further divided by those that need access to sewage and those that do not.
Olhonestjim, If I could buy an implant that compressed my shit into diamonds, I would be so happy.
over_clox, HydroPress has you covered.
Not really, but Happy Holidays!
over_clox, Were you aware that even the butthole itself is an optional accessory that can be removed?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbvLk_R4kPU
Can’t make this shit up 😂🤣
autokludge, (edited ) 
Pro tip - Simply eat a light meal of shirataki noodles, around 200 Cal. With any luck you can form your very own bezoar and rid yourself of this addiction for the rest of your life.
gravitas_deficiency, Well how do you feel about shtanding, then?
Bleach7297, (edited ) Shay, doesh anyone know when Sean Connery will be showing up to Wimbledon?
Bleach7297, Anyone? No?
Tennish. 🥸
LemmyKnowsBest, This really is happening in current events
over_clox, No shit?!
gravitas_deficiency, What the fuck how is lemmy leaking into reality…?
robocall, 
I shit every day and can’t stop. I can’t control myself and my desire to shit is so strong, I find myself putting it before my family, friends, job, I’ll even wake up in the middle of the night with the need to shit sometimes. This addiction impacts my life every day. If I don’t shit, I start to think about it and worry.
ElBarto, 
I’ve got the solution!
Not eating!
Never eat a single thing again and you’ll never have to be burdened with having to shit ever again!
It’s free, easy and you’ll look great as well!
feck_it, Until the day you die!
gravitas_deficiency, Bro you just gotta hold your poop in
LemmyKnowsBest, I may be accidentally joining this … um… movement
because I’ve been procrastinating squeezing out a loaf I’ve had in the chamber for a couple hours
feck_it, Not much a movement then. Hopefully you got that loaf out by now.
LemmyKnowsBest, OP proposed a movement.
And I need a bowel movement.
LemmyKnowsBest, update 12 hours later I finally got it out! Yeah that was an uncomfortable 14 hours.
over_clox, I’m sorry, I’m confused. Did you get 12 or 14 slices out of your loaf?
I keep mine in one piece, ever since 2017, just in case I need an emergency loaf.
Kolanaki, 
Slogan should be “put a cork in it.”
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA, 
Tampons work surprisingly well.
Agent641, How many do I need to eat for it to work?
over_clox, Eat?
chickenpotpi, Shitting is so wasteful. People dont know that you just have to hold it in for a while, so your body can fully utilize it.
Source: I am voice actor for GTA 6.
rmuk, Oh my god it’s dickvamblerAU. Can you say “boop” for me?
parpol, I love shitting. Y’all are afraid of a simple four letter word. Sure, it is weird, but to each their own! It is not like real toilets are harmed. There are no studies that shitting is harmful, rather it takes away the urge before it does any real harm!
dylanTheDeveloper, 
Nice try shit tard. I’m saving my turds in my bowels
Da_Boom, 
You know its possible to hold turds for so long you start vomiting shit.
reagansrottencorpse, I believe I recall a South Park episode about this phenomenon.
kerrigan778, But when will I use Lemmy then?
lugal, Are you unemployed?
dylanTheDeveloper, I prefer the term freelance CEO
kerrigan778, I work in the food industry. Only time I’m on Lemmy at work is breaks/bathroom
someguy3, We went from 3 days to infinity?
idunnololz, 
*until you die. Which I assume is not too much longer than 3 days.
someguy3, (edited ) Yeah but this is for all humans, so forever. (I guess you could say they would all die though.)
TimewornTraveler, these “stop doing X” memes represent a low point for meme culture. extremely, painfully unfunny and yet ever-present
niktemadur, Like that old Kids In The Hall sketch.
“WE WILL NOT BE TYRANNIZED BY OUR BLADDERS!”
jdf038, You all are so weird. I love it.
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