Married at 23 (wife just turned 21) straight out of college. We were both very immature, and we divorced two years later after she fooled around with her 55 year old boss. Left me devastated at 25 going on 26 thinking I was used goods. After a lot of maturing, a few more relationships, I remarried at 33.
It takes a lot of self reflection - because even though I could chalk up the previous marriage to “lol she a hoe” - I had piss poor financial skills, was very immature and lacked a lot of self confidence which manifested itself in toxic behavior all around. There are times I just cringe at who I was at that age. Not that I’m a perfect person now, I’m just more aware of what I needed to improve in myself to be a decent person and partner.
Part of it is the age old wisdom of learning to love yourself and figuring out what you like, versus just trying to mold yourself into the person you think your partner wants. And not to say that “oh I’m an asshole, They have to deal with it” but truly understanding what makes you tick and finding someone who loves and accepts that part of you.
Married at 23 (wife just turned 21) straight out of college. We were both very immature
Also totally anecdotal: Exactly the same for us, up to this point. Now I’m looking at 36 on the horizon this year, and she 34, and we’re still both quite happily married.
My only point being: it just depends on the people. It works for some, and for others it doesn’t. I wish I could tell a person which kind they’d be, but I can’t.
I will absolutely say, however, it’s gonna hurt a whole hell of a lot less to simply wait a bit longer and be sure of what you want, and that you’re both in agreement on the major things. It doesn’t mean you have to wait in order for the relationship to succeed, but it sure would improve the likelihood that it will.
Marurity matters, not years . In my parents era 18 was a common marriage age, but they were done high-school and working full time at 16, unless you went to Uni.
Met my now wife in high school. We’ve been together since high school.
We’ve been married for 5 years now.
I’m 40 next.
So kinda agree with the post, but not the sentiment that if you met your partner early you’re weird. I was lucky I met the love of my life so young. Just because you didn’t doesn’t mean I’m weird, just not as lucky as me.
Met my wife in highschool and got married right out of college. We are now pushing 40 and are still happy and content. We were lucky, we grew together and in similar ways, but we also just knew when we knew. We even had twins a few years back and even the stress of that didn’t destroy us.
We (hopefully) still have many years together and maybe things will break down, but, so far, neither of us regret marrying so young.
I’m 40ish and I’ve wanted the same thing since I was 20. Haven’t found a good match but nothing has really changed regarding my long term goals and the things I want from life.
Maturity plays a much more important role than age. Some people are never fit to marry, some have what it takes by the time they are 16/17. It’s not often that it plays out well for the youngest ones, and since each year brings new experiences and understandings each year moves along the bell curve of “marriage readiness”. So is it more likely that a 24 year old is more ready for marriage than a 18 year old. Yes. Is it guaranteed? No. I know some 50/60 year olds that still aren’t ready for marriage. They just never learned the skills it takes to have a healthy marriage. Giving an age as a hard cutoff is too arbitrary a measure. Age doesn’t guarantee shit.
That’s it, end of thread. Maturity plays such an important factor it’s astonishing it’s not the first thing being discussed instead of an arbitrary number.
As a 27yo, I’m still trying to figure out how to better organize myself. I was one of those kids that never had to take notes in school
And now that’s coming back to bite me, because I’m completely new to note-taking, but am working on large 20yo code bases with tons of tech-debt and spaghetti madness. Along with tons of technical jargon in a completely different field. I just can’t keep all that in my head anymore
The point is, i feel like an adult in certain aspects, and a child in others
Me being an impulsive dork and dumping her for a far less intelligent girl with bigger breasts who didn’t even really happen even. That was it. Game over. She wouldn’t take me back.
TBH I should’ve ended myself then but was too stupid to even realise that was the better option than living another 20 years without her. Still… I wouldn’t have wanted to hurt my parents. Been distracting myself ever since with lots of other stuff. Can’t do it now because of my kids, and mother still alive. Dad fucked in head with dementia. Oh well. Keep trudging on and now have Lemmy to make stupid comments on. Yay.
Fist-Bump Met my wife in 8th Grade. Got married at 21. Just celebrated our 28th anniversary. I think if the trust, loyalty and love is there, you’ll know. Neither of us had a doubt about each other, and we’re best friends.
Note: We did take a year or so off around 18-19, too get ‘it’ out of our systems.
Kinda had an affair with a woman who married at 24 and regretted not ‘playing the field’. She ended up getting pregnant with her husband shortly after and I really hope they make it last, but I have a horrible feeling it was a doomed attempt to fix their relationship with a child.
someone at 24 has several more years of experience in the adult world. someone at 24 has several more years of neurological development (which isn’t complete until around 25). in other words, at 24 someone has better context for decision-making and better decision-making ability than someone who is 18.
I am guessing this is mostly informed by your own experience, personally I feel the same, but I was a fucking moron at 24, certainly not ready for something like marriage or kids, hell I am 31 and I still don’t feel that way.
Others might feel otherwise or grow up faster, to better parents and that’s okay, no need to label people who do things different than you as weird imo.
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