I was abused from when I was born to when I was early 20s by my family and then an abusive ex. I’ve been attacked for being gay and was disowned by my family for the same reason. I spent most of my 20s homeless and lost out on a lot of time due to realizing that no one really cares about other people, at least the majority doesn’t. Lost everything I have as well as everything I was. Have always been depressed and a mess and hoped things would get better. They haven’t. They’ve gotten steadily and gradually worse. At the most they plateau for a little bit. I’ve lost pretty much all the people I care about and I have no energy to really do anything anymore. I don’t want to die but I want to be dead. I am tired all of the time. While I know all of this is a drastic and pretty severe problem, I can’t do anything about it. I’m stuck on waiting lists to talk to people or get prescriptions, and that’s when I can afford them. I don’t see a purpose to really… do anything anymore. I have no drive. No motivation. No hope. No dreams. No aspirations. No anything. I am literally just waiting until I die and trying to enjoy the tiny amount of things that have been put in front of me. That’s when I can enjoy the things without someone chiming in to say how much the thing sucks, often people who I respect/admire/care about being the people who say it. Mostly because I don’t know how to make good decisions and often surround myself with people who hate me because it feels more comforting to have someone insult me than compliment me. As fucking psychotic as that is. So I just post memes and wile away my time until I die.
That’s mainly why.
But it is what it is. Such is life. Soldier on, keep going, carry on, yadda yadda.