It’s not just men. My mother was pushed down the FaceTube YouBook weaponized disinformation rabbit hole.
It’s outrage porn… They LOVE being angry at ‘the system’ or ‘corporations’ or ‘the WHO’ etc. etc.
Yes, there’s a lot of stupid corrupt shit going on, but posting on social media is the most impotent thing a person could do to make a difference. (Yes, I appreciate the irony.)
Which is why we also have a bunch of men who are trying to hold on to jr. high mindsets about what they were told adulthood is like, rather than allowing themselves to mature beyond the gaming communities they found support in.
Remember, Steve Bannon already abused gaming communities for political gain.
The real question, is how hard would it be to set up networks of healthier mindsets, when games are doing their best to remove private servers from the minds of others, when those private servers are needed for securing the audience and preventing poor faith individuals from taking control
I’ve experienced this many times myself. Been vegetarian for almost 3 years now. Male co-workers make unsolicited comments towards it when they find out I’m vegetarian.
It’s happened probably a dozen times or more. I am probably one of the most casual and tolerant non-meat eaters you’ll meet. I’ll chat openly with you about hunting, guns, best ways to cook bacon, steaks, burgers, etc.
I never preach or shame people for eating meat. Still, when guys find out, it’s a lot of:
“You’re a vegetarian? Ha, your girlfriend doesn’t have to know, we’ll let you eat meat here.”
“No wonder you’re always snacking, you only eat rabbit food!”
“Yeah, my wife tried that crap with me once, didn’t work.”
I even had a co-worker get in my face because he, “thought I said something about eating meat being unhealthy.” I didn’t say anything of the sort, but it was ironic coming from a guy who was pushing 350lbs and pounded 3-5 Mountain Dews a day.
Assumptions that I was only doing it because a woman was forcing me, or that I was implicitly shaming them for eating meat, or that I wasn’t getting my nutrition, blah blah.
As comfortable as I’d be with a woman taking contraceptives. None are completely safe and there haven’t been nearly enough studies on their effects (particularly the mental health implications).
Just because there hasn’t been enough study on men’s birth control, doesn’t mean we put the burden of contraceptives on women alone.
that patriarchy might ostensibly benefit men – even while poisoning them in a myriad of ways – but it is upheld by all genders, particularly within spaces like romantic partnership
With this quote I was reminded of many retellings of men in hetero relationship who still vividly remembered hurtful moments of being shamed when opening up and being vulnerable.
As the article states I would argue it’s wrong to assume that just one gender is at fault for the status quo, but that it is maintained by multiple actors.
And yes I’ve seen a lot of heteropessimism online and even partially irl but I think it’s breeding ground are „taking things for granted“ and just assuming what partners would like or want in relationships. Needs can be so diverse and deeply personal that I’d argue while there is possibility to feel safe in following a relationship script we have to dare to explore each other in our uniqueness and thereby also share ourselves authentically and that’s a forever journey.
Thank you for the nice read spaduf! (by the way is that a pun on the pokemon or am I nerding out?)
Men aren’t “broken” just because we interact differently than women. It may be news to that trans man, but we don’t have the same emotional needs as women. We interact in ways that work for us. It is fashionable today to refer to all masculinity as toxic, but we are not the same as women, hard stop. Stop trying to pretend that we are.
I’ve seen the world through many lenses, and the most profound moments have been with people who fully see and love me; that takes vulnerability and trust. Focus your time on learning how to be vulnerable, build intentional and meaningful friendships, and heal your relationship with what it means to be feminine.
That’s it right there. It’s about opening yourself and your vulnerabilities to others. Unfortunately, this is often perceived negatively by men. You really have to gauge who you can open up to as some will take advantage of your vulnerability and use it against you. That’s how you end up being bullied at school or at work.
I know because I tend to open up to people and tell them how I feel. I’ve built deep and meaningful relationships with many people, male, female and in-between. I’m not afraid to show my emotions and tell people how I truly feel. But, there have been a few times where I ended up being hurt. Not just by men, but women too. Or being mocked¸ which is extremely difficult because you question yourself a lot when this happens.
As others have said, it’s not just men that perceive that negatively; women do also. I can’t recall who said it, but feminism has meant that there are many different ways to be a woman now, but there is still only one socially acceptable way to be a man. The social consequences to men for being emotionally vulnerable can mean the loss of all social connections; I know that I lost about 3/4 of the people I thought were friends when I failed to successfully complete suicide. That creates a very strong disincentive to being vulnerable in the future.
This story reminds me of an ex girlfriend that wanted me to open up. So I did. She left me after that. The end result was good though, as it made me realize I needed some professional mental assistance.
That’s my experience, too. Most of the times I’ve opened up to a girlfriend, it’s turned them off. They thought they wanted me to, but they regretted it, which made me regret it. Either that or they later used it to manipulate me. So I just stopped.
well, women also get more attention therefor they are less lonely. Just look at dating apps: women get flooded with likes and messages, but men… good luck getting a like and if you get one, good luck getting a conversation where you are not the only one putting some effort.
Interesting perspective. It would be really mind-blowing to see the other side of the gender, even though I have no interest in being trans.
One thing I will add to this article is that men are also viewed as little more than bank machines after divorce. People always have the utmost sympathy for any mother who is separated from her children, even if only for a few days. Movie plots can revolve around mothers finding their lost children and being reunited. But for men? We’re only the providers, the ones who pay the child support.
I lost my kids (not legally, just boring old classic parental alienation) six years ago following the divorce. Nobody cares, because I’m just a man. Not even my own father cares. He happily continues to see his grandkids because he doesn’t want to “take sides.” None of my cousins or other parts of my family care either. So long as I’m paying my “support.” And I can’t complain about it on social media because I’m a man. I’m a stoic. Boys don’t cry, remember?
The lack of emotional support for men mentioned in the article is another thing that really exacerbates divorces and leads to suicides. I do feel like if I were the type of person to contemplate suicide (I’m not), I would have definitely done it when my ex took my kids from me. And there would have been no male friends to pull me back from the edge. Those friendships are, to quote the author, superficial to a large degree, or even the ones that aren’t are men who are now focused heavily on their own families and wives.
I mean, it’s also true all the other stuff about the male privilege and feeling safe and the good things that come with being a man. But it’s nice to see the perspective of how we lack emotional support and we’re expected to grit our teeth and “walk it off.”
As a trans woman who grew up being taught boys don’t cry, it’s taken me the better part of 6 years to learn how to connect with my emotions healthily. I’m so sorry that society treats y’all like this. 💜
I had the distinct misfortune of being a loner for my formative years. As I’ve aged, I never hit my stride or found my niche. I have plenty of hobbies and things I enjoy, but no place to share them… even if I find a convention or rare place to explore them with others, they are often filled with people who already found their people and aren’t seeking any new applicants. Or, more likely, these places are far from where I am.
It then returns the burden to me. Do I keep my job and pay and current possessions… or do I sell all of it and move closer to the places I can find others? No, not even that: give up stability and security for the chance to find places to find others. Not even guaranteedz
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