ChillDude69

@ChillDude69@lemmynsfw.com

LEMMY ALLOWS ME TO HAVE A SCREENNAME THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN TAKEN 15 YEARS AGO, ON REDDIT. I AM CHILLDUDE69 AND I AM FREAKIN’ HAPPY ABOUT IT!

Yes, I’m screaming all that. Capslock is still cruise control for cool, y’all.

Peace.

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ChillDude69, (edited )

Shit, that’s what they USED to do, back in the good old days. Now, it’s just “WAAAAAH, WAAAAH, WAAAAHHHHH, THERE ARE TOO MANY ASIANS AND LESBIANS AND BLACKS!”

You realize how long it’s been since I’ve seen grown men get to the point of threatening each other’s safety, over whether or not the hyperspace drives in Star Wars are more realistic than the warp drive from Star Trek?

I never thought I’d miss that shit, but I miss it.

Also, like, can I remind everyone of the cantina scene, from the first fucking movie? NOTHING about that scene says “these producers and writers don’t really buy into the whole concept of diversity,”

Motherfuckers, there were two different kinds of blue alien, aliens with actual butt-faces, a WEREWOLF, some guys with insectoid multi-faceted eyeballs, and a guy with an ultramodernist chair for a fucking head. And the biggest asshole in the place was the fat white guy who didn’t like a specific group (droids) and wouldn’t let them in his bar.

But now, some of y’all think “wokeness” in Star Wars is some kind of NEW thing?

ChillDude69,

I’ve heard the same. If there are no carts to retrieve, then that one manager who takes his job FAR too seriously will find some much more shitty extra work for you to do. Slow-rolling the carts back to the front is definitely an extra break, from what I understand.

ChillDude69, (edited )

“Yeah, and I heard the sensei at his dojo was the cousin of one of Bruce Lee’s students. And, like, umm, this one time, this other sensei that came and did a guest leseson with them? He totally said that he knew the pressure chakra chi points that can superkill someone, with only one finger. But he said that we weren’t wise enough for him to teach us that, yet.”

I hasten to add that this is sarcasm, just in case people aren’t paying attention. And everyone, please don’t worship martial arts. It’s just so far beyond cringe.

ChillDude69,

I’m sure your dad could beat up my dad, too. And if you think the F40 is a cooler car than the Countach, that’s also fine. And your Sega Genesis has more Blast Processing than my SNES.

Just, whatever. All the cliché nonsense you want, I’ll just agree with it, because I’m tired of the conversation. You’re stuck in 1989 and I’m not. We’ll just agree on that.

ChillDude69,

Yeah, that’s kinda what I was going for. Arguing about which celebrity could beat up everyone with their mad elite martial arts skillz is absolutely on brand for that movie.

ChillDude69,

I think that much should be obvious.

But seriously, I shouldn’t have gone off on you. I apologize for being so snarky. The thing is, I would never go and tell anyone “oooh, martial arts = cringe” inside of a martial arts community. I just think it’s wack to talk about celebrities beating people up, with their mad MMA skillz. At the very least, the person I replied to was taking the meme way more seriously than any meme really deserves. In fact, there’s a whole bunch of way-too-super-serious discussion, under this meme.

That’s all I’m saying, really.

ChillDude69,

Any type of “ooo, buT he D03s BJJ, tho” comment counts. Martial arts, in general = cringe throwback 1980s nonsense. If you’re still talking about that shit, in any context outside of the actual sport, inside an octagon, you are just making everyone fucking cringe. Fact.

ChillDude69, (edited )

So, like, I can throw a party balloon filled with 1.7 liters of urine at someone and it will be acceptable, as long as I remember to shout: DANGEROUSLY OVERFILLED PISS BALLOON as I toss it?

Alternate names for consideration: pissengan, urinitron, bakapeepee

EDIT: before you even tell me that I can’t go around hucking piss balloons, remember that these people might literally poke me in my actual anus, as a prank. If someone does that shit, I’m definitely piss-ballooning them, at the earliest opportunity.

ChillDude69,

https://lemmynsfw.com/pictrs/image/76a5c4a7-2d69-4218-acbe-d1cef31410a9.webp

This meme I made early last year is relevant.

ChillDude69, (edited )

Yeah, but does that mean it’s a normal and expected shitshow?

ChillDude69, (edited )

Hear me out, okay?

Girls in sexy witch costumes, or any sexy Halloween costumes are fine. That’s great and everything, sure. But 99.2 percent of them are at the Halloween party with their boyfriends. And those guys aren’t even having a good time. They’re just standing around as accessories, dressed as Gomez Addams, or whoever else. So, like, whatever.

But when you see a girl in a fully scandalous sexy elf costume, or a sultry Mrs. Claus outfit? Or the somewhat rare (yet more pervy) sexy reindeer costume?

SHE FUCKS.

THAT GIRL FUCKS.

Believe it.

EDIT: if you can’t figure out how the reindeer tail is attached to the costume, YOU’VE GOT A LIVE ONE ON YOUR HANDS.

ChillDude69,

Exactly. And I mean, you’re gonna put more hours on the moped than the jet, most likely.

ChillDude69, (edited )

There’s a subset of those that end up actually being SUPER CREEPY. Ya know the ones where there’s, like, a pack of Albert Einsteins or Socrateses (Socratepedes???) all chanting and waving their arms? And saying some weird shit like “ONLY LEFT BRAINED PEOPLE CAN BEAT THIS LEVEL” or whatever wack-ass shit, like that?

That shit is somehow, like, actual nightmare fuel for me. It’s just too surreal and weirdly threatening. Makes me want to just not look at it, instantly.

ChillDude69,

Well, the lowest possible level of nightmare fuel.

ChillDude69, (edited )

That would kinda explain a lot. I think this shit started to become an inconvenience in my life AFTER my eyes started to deteriorate. So, like, I couldn’t possibly see it, without holding a magnifying glass up to my phone.

ChillDude69, (edited )

Well, they’ve gone down in price to the point that they’ll be in people’s stockings. And getting immature with them is always fun.

Remember: they can also make a simply fantastical array of fart sounds. “Alexa: open Big Fart” is the magic phrase.

ChillDude69,

Well, I created him with AI, so double no-soul. I guess that gives him some kind of unnatural, predatory magnetism, like a vampire.

ChillDude69,

I don’t know if I’ve seen that one. But the Country Crock commercials show what non-abusive white marriages are like. Lots of small talk and occasional hand-touching, but not much else.

ChillDude69,

Jesus Christ on a whole-wheat bagel, man. The production values and acting in that shit were, like, OUT OF CONTROL.

ChillDude69, (edited )

Just wait until 43. You’ll realize that your plan to do a bunch of awesome shit during your 42nd year (because that number is the answer to the ultimate question of life the universe and everything) fizzled into basically nothing, and you don’t even have the energy to jack off much, anymore.

The only consolation is knowing that your apathy will grow in proportion to your decay, so by the time you’re TRULY incapable and decrepit, you literally won’t be capable of giving a shit about the situation.

ChillDude69, (edited )

The guy out there on the surfboard, with the umbrella…he REALLY IS doing it right. You know how I know? He’s got a shirt and a hat on, too.

He’s not out there, trying to get skin cancer. There is no rule that says “if I don’t massively increase my risk of dying from malignant melanoma, I’m not really a cool dude.” But a lot of people seem to think there is.

I’m a chubby bald guy. People think I wear a hat and a shirt to the fucking beach/pool because I’m trying to hide my fatness and my baldness. No, man. I’m hiding my weak-ass white skin from Mr. Sun. That shit is the only kind of cancer anyone in my family has ever gotten, too, and it is NOT going to get me. But, also, I do still like fun.

And don’t let any of these whackos come at you with the whole Vitamin D trip. I take that shit in pill form, yo. It’s cool that my cells can make it, but it’s not necessary, in the 21st Century.

ChillDude69,

Somewhere, one of the glassblowers who makes those mind-blowingly, offensively expensive bongs at the head shop…that guy is seeing this, and already sketching out plans for the four-foot-tall glass hyper-bubbler version.

ChillDude69, (edited )

One question remains: when the Exxxocomp dematerializes the fleshlight attachment, does your load get recycled into the micro-replicaotor? Or does the sploodge just drop onto the floor, when it vanishes…at which point, I guess you could order the Exxxocomp to replicate a squeegee to clean it up.

ChillDude69,

Heartfelt upvote for “internal sploodge core.”

Also, Sploodgecore should be a music genre.

ChillDude69, (edited )

On the one hand, you’re not wrong. On the other hand, the way people say that line…it’s as if you go to Kroger or Alberson’s or Target, and see some kind of massive reduction in the number of derelict-ass, unhinged, pajama-clad, whacka-doodle mofos, in their aisles.

That’s a big nuh-uh, chief. If they let you in off the street, without a membership card, and they sell regular-ass groceries, there’s going to be a bunch of semi-washed, pseudo-clothed semi-apes, up in there.

And, honestly, I’m not against it. Pretention is boring. I like my crazy people up-front and straightforward. There’s just as many barely-functional nutjobs at your local country club. They have just leveled up their skill in concealing their situation. That’s both more dangerous AND less fun.

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