saltnotsugar

@saltnotsugar@lemm.ee

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saltnotsugar,

The problem is they they’re just designed to eat and get chonky. If they had invested in cool ninja combat during evolution, scientists believe they would be not only more likely to survive, but be a lot cooler.

saltnotsugar,

Rizzo’s discount burial shredding! You dead ‘em, we shred ‘em.

saltnotsugar,

Those slaps were rather gentle, with a spirit of “Get out of here you silly goose!”

saltnotsugar,

There was no rail accident comrade, or dare you suggest otherwise?

saltnotsugar,

Scissor me timbers!

saltnotsugar,

In prison.

Butthole destroyed.

Make check on coin.

Massive loss in value.

No.

saltnotsugar,

Møø

saltnotsugar,

In the kitchen it hums with delight,

A mischievous microwave, quite a sight.

With a twist of its dial, a dance begins,

Uneven warmth, where chaos wins.

saltnotsugar,

I better not slow down or drive cautiously in this snow! People would think I’m some sort of pansy!

saltnotsugar,

(Rings hand bell) Drugs! Get ya drugs!

“Hey! These aren’t drugs. These are lollipops.”

I can see YOU my friend, know your drugs.

saltnotsugar,

This is the Mark 477 tactical short, which crushes the marine’s crotch, making them the ultimate killing machine.

saltnotsugar,

Made me livin in the fiber optic mines. Mine all day, mine all night in those fiber mines.

saltnotsugar,

Honestly there are enough quality posts and comments here that keep me engaged. It feels like a lot of creative people made the move.

saltnotsugar,

“Shall I play the ocarina and return us to the forest temple?”

Nah. Nah man let’s just walk.

saltnotsugar,

Heyyyyy…What’s your third favorite cactus?

saltnotsugar,

69% of 420 is equal to 420% of 69.

saltnotsugar,

(Me coming back with the wrong onions)

FOOL OF A TOOK!

saltnotsugar,

(Goes through a phone maze to get the option you need, then the robot voice comes on)

“OUR STAFF CAN HANDLE THAT REQUEST TUESDAY THROUGH THURSDAYS BETWEEN 10AM AND 4PM. GOODBYE.”

saltnotsugar,

Daaaaaang, are you a financial audit of my taxes? Cuz I want nothing to do with you.

saltnotsugar,

Let’s get some good camera shaking going, turn on the night vision, and run out of the room randomly.

saltnotsugar,

As a rule these pillows are never comfortable, overly expensive, and you can’t make forts out of them.

saltnotsugar,

“Blimey Harry! This panzerfaust looks wicked,” Ron said. “Come along you two. We need to hold this bridge for three hours,” Hermione barked from the Tiger tank. Harry had never seen such bullshit before, and thought this whole magic business seemed rather bothersome.

saltnotsugar,

To be fair, the skeleton didn’t make a xylophone sound when approaching, which is directly against industry best practices.

saltnotsugar,

He barks but he’s bilingual.

saltnotsugar,

Hey can you mark a porcelain figure of a woman and a chicken?
“Sure, old ladies love-“
Yeah but the chicken needs a gaping asshole.

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