Moreso ‘awkward dinner table questioms’ and ‘quick glances to others’. I remember very vividly throughout my teen years that I wanted so desperately to reveal my orientation and (assuming everything went well) get reassurance and validation and yada yada. Every single time I was thinking about it, weighing the risks, someone would say some vile comment about a character on the show we had on, or a snarky question under the assumption that I shared their views, or whatever.
My parents are such a mixed bag; they can be really great caretakers, but fuck me if they can’t be the most dreadful, racist, and condescending people too. My extended family is that but even more.
I came out after a stroke at 21 that I wasn’t supposed to live through. When I did, it was in a therapy (physical, occupational, speech) setting. When my father asked me, “why [did you pick to tell us] here?”, my response was “because if you started to beat me, help is just down the hall [nurses, security]”.
It’s not the divide between who we like to sleep with, but the fact that my (extended) family has very… strong views, and it - along with my changing religious views, and other big factors - pushed me away from them, to solitude. Gatherings of people I don’t like, don’t trust, who think poorly on me because what I think when one passes, or what people and activities I want in my private spaces, enrage me deeply.
I’m glad that it’s not like that everywhere, but damn, I’m surrounded on all sides from where I stand. :(
My family is always surprised that I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving (though I do like to eat). Maybe it has something to do with the fact that everyone is Christian, right-wing, straight and hateful - and vocal about it, while I am gay, satanic, soft-spoken and not right-wing. Maybe it’s because I see celebrating the day where we ‘gifted’ natives items that would knowingly harm and kill them, and even centuries later we’d still be trying to eradicate their people, freedoms, rights, history, land…
Nah, it’s definitely because I’m a godless heathen who likes gagging on guys. Most absolutely. More gravy with your confederate flag napkins, aunty? I’m so glad you brought enough for everyone.
(I might have my facts skewed but that’s what I took away from my history classes 20 years ago)