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Ryan213, in Damn it not again
@Ryan213@lemmy.world avatar

My boss: here’s some expired Advil, now get back to work.

konalt, in We were warned.
@konalt@lemmy.world avatar

Fucked up in the crib sippin dr perky

FlyingSquid,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

Can you imagine if you went to the E.R. and were told your attending physician was Dr. Perky?

JackiesFridge,
@JackiesFridge@lemmy.world avatar

Friend of mine: ‘Haven’t been “Dr Perky” since my first kid.’

PeterPoopshit, (edited ) in Survive the zombie apocalypse

I would opt for the crossbow, machete and axe then use those to commendeer better equipment. Specifically that choice of weapons because axe is useful for chopping trees, machete is a weapon that doesn’t require ammo and it’s a lot easier to make crossbow arrows than bullets. Also take the night vision goggles in the off chance they’re the super high tech kind and not the ir lighting based kind because you’ll never just “find” one of those otherwise. Then use that stuff to basically steal everything on this list and more.

WashedOver, in We were warned.
@WashedOver@lemmy.ca avatar

It appears to be the majority of Doctors most Americans can afford…

FlyingSquid,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

This is not what I thought they meant when they said universal healthcare.

Wermhatswormhat,

Child: Mom can we have universal healthcare? Mom: We have universal healthcare at home. The healthcare we have at home:

It’s easy, pick any doctor in your network.

PeregrinoCinzento, (edited ) in It's like a foodie version of a fleeting love story.

"You are entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location.
The kind of place where there might be a monster, or some kind of weird mirror.
These are just examples; it could also be something much better.
Prepare to enter The Scary Door."

  • Futurama

And the original behind The Scary Door:

“You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind.
A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination.
That’s the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Twilight Zone!”

Or:

“There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man.
It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge.”

There’s one or two more intro texts.

https://lemmy.pt/pictrs/image/cc61614b-2d61-44f3-9edf-ec9d3889420d.jpeg

Kolanaki, (edited )
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

Help I’m steppin’ into the Twilight Zone!

Place is a mad house, feels like being cloned.

My beacon’s been moved under moon and star,

Where am I to go now that I’ve gone too far?

  • Golden Earring
Tikiporch,

Never actually knew the lyrics to that song. Just mumbles until the last word of each line.

Sagifurius,

Turn down the bass turn up the treble

Demuniac, in Microchips

It’s funny how these things go sometimes.

At work we had an anti vaccine person who followed her “let them push your body full of these poisons” by going outside to get a smoke.

They usually don’t think things through much.

pinkdrunkenelephants, in It's like a foodie version of a fleeting love story.

Those are mobile restaurants run by kitsune who cross dimensions to serve a variety of clientele. You just happened to have stumbled inside on the night before they left to another realm. Consider thyself lucky, mortal, for their food is god-tier

GrammatonCleric,
@GrammatonCleric@lemmy.world avatar

🤘🏻🦊

LordKitsuna,

Oh I saw that one on nhentai ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Pandantic,
@Pandantic@midwest.social avatar

New reality headcannon. And if this is a simulation, why not?

JustMy2c,

I’ve heard if you take a plane, the simulator gets twisted around a bunch and you can experience some Real Shit.

andrew_bidlaw, in Some goat is driving
@andrew_bidlaw@sh.itjust.works avatar

E B A G O

Pregnenolone, in It's like a foodie version of a fleeting love story.

MSG moment

Kolanaki, (edited )
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

Metal Solid Gear?!

kautau,

A flavor to surpass Sodium Chloride!?

FrostyCaveman,

Molecules, son.

TheOakTree,

Hrrrngh Colonel, I’m trying cook some food but it’s dummy umami and the aroma from my meal keeps alerting the guards

spacesweedkid27, in ...did everyone get this?

Imagine knowing that you’ll live this long from now. Would be great

FlyingSquid,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

I sure hope I live past 66…

spacesweedkid27,

age LEAKED

FlyingSquid,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

I’m not sure anyone is going to be able to steal my identity based on knowing my approximate age, so I’m not too concerned.

dingus,

That’s what you think, P. Sherman at 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney, Australia!

hakunawazo,
Rakonat,

20 years ain’t as long as you think it is. Especially if you’re not even 30

Pyr_Pressure,

If someone could guarantee me that I would die 20 years from now I think I would take it. I would rather a guaranteed 20 years than a potential 40.

It would be great not having to worry about death for that long. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

Decoy321,

This could be some real monkeys paw material, though. In your carefree lack of concern, a bus actually hits you tomorrow and puts you into a coma until your predicted date.

spacesweedkid27,

(I’m the bus driver)

spacesweedkid27,

I actually ran someone over yesterday.

ivanafterall, in ...did everyone get this?
@ivanafterall@kbin.social avatar

No, mine had a different date. Must just be a bug.

LemmyKnowsBest,

What is this “wrapped” thing everybody but me knows about?

ivanafterall,
@ivanafterall@kbin.social avatar

Spotify gives you an overview of your listening activity every year with different stats, like top artists, top songs, which city your listening tastes match, etc.

LemmyKnowsBest,

And Spotify tells people when they’re going to die?

ivanafterall,
@ivanafterall@kbin.social avatar

That's the joke part.

afraid_of_zombies,

Yes but it is occasionally off by a second or two, what with free will and all.

curiousPJ, in Survive the zombie apocalypse

4 video cameras. I shall trade for all the above with the only source of amateur pornography.

INHALE_VEGETABLES,

I’ll pick the dog and we can team up

EvilEyedPanda,

It’ll be the internet 2.0

ininewcrow, in ...did everyone get this?
@ininewcrow@lemmy.ca avatar

YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHEN I’M GOING TO D…

Cqrd, in It's like a foodie version of a fleeting love story.

Being high also increases the pleasure from foods, in my experience. One time my wife made chocolate chip pancakes while we were high and they were legit the best thing I’d ever eaten, but looking back on a photo I took of them they look like they probably weren’t very great.

Taniwha420,

Is this not basic knowledge? This is up there with the warnings to not put plastic bags over your head.

Yes, my dude, marijuana makes you eat ALL the treats.

outcide,
@outcide@lemmy.world avatar

In my early-20s I remember getting super baked and spending my rent money for the week on Sonic the Hedgehog ice creams.

At current rent prices that seems insane, but back then I was paying $30 a week for “alcove” in a warehouse. 🤣

Littleborat, in Microchips

This is 2018 Elon, he looks much more “off” now.

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