Is it normal for a person to "feel" less as they get older?

I remember experiencing the world much more vividly when I was a little boy.

I would step outside on an autumn evening and feel joy as the cool breeze rustled the leaves and caressed my skin. In the summers, I would listen to the orchestra of insects buzzing around me. I would waddle out of the cold swimming pool and the most wonderful shiver would cascade out of me as I peed in the bathroom. In the winters, I would get mesmerized by the simple sound of my boots crunching the snow under me.

These were not experiences that I actively sought out. They just happened. I did not need to stop to smell the figurative roses, the roses themselves would stop me in my tracks.

As I got older, I started feeling less and less and thinking more and more.

I’ve tried meditation, recreation, vacation, resignation, and medication. Some of these things have helped but I am still left wondering… is this a side effect of getting older? Or is there something wrong with me?

NukeminHerttua,
@NukeminHerttua@sopuli.xyz avatar

I’m sure it also has something to do with that when you get older, you’ve had those experiences many more times than as a child. They just don’t feel that specia anymore.l

aaron_griffin,
@aaron_griffin@lemmy.world avatar

This is also why days feel faster as you age. More repetition and your brain doesn’t need to form as much new memories.

Want to live longer? Experience more novelty!

anonymoose,
@anonymoose@lemmy.ca avatar

Wow, that rings brutal, but true. “Childlike wonder” is truly special.

aaron_griffin,
@aaron_griffin@lemmy.world avatar

Are farts still funny? Then you’re good

ElectricSleep,

That is an ingenius litmus test!

aaron_griffin,
@aaron_griffin@lemmy.world avatar

For real though, you might be depressed. Talking to a therapist could help suss that out.

karce,
@karce@wizanons.dev avatar

Hey OP, a lot of people are suggesting psilocybin or other psychedelics. If you’re interested you can ask questions about that in the !magic community. I moderate it but there are psychonauts there that know about this stuff who are friendly and helpful.

VediusPollio,

My friend was wondering how someone else could even get a hold of mushrooms or spores in secret, without having to use the mail, if some other rando was crazy enough to consider microdosing?

mysoulishome,
@mysoulishome@lemmy.world avatar

Joining. The therapeutic ketamine sub was one I’d recently joined and enjoyed before snoopocalypse. I’m in.

STUPIDVIPGUY,

Yeah I would say it’s definitely normal. I just try to get out there and push myself to do new things, and really be present and thankful for the beautiful things that I do experience.

jcit878,

the wonder can still exist. the pressure of adult life is so damn clouding though. what helps for me (and my wife) is solo travel, we have both found it to be one of the best things we ever decided to do. a week or so to yourself to completely forget all about work, home I have found to be extremely helpful. Do exactly what you want, take your time, and you can find beauty in the everyday things again. If its possible of course

STUPIDVIPGUY,

Solo travel can really teach you a lot about yourself. I had a great time living in my car for 3 weeks but I learned that I got lonely as hell. Until I met a couple friends in Nevada to help put things in perspective.

ComradePorkRoll,

Due to climate change, there are less roses to smell. You could just be coping with the fact that you are aware of more pressing issues nowadays.

Aloeofthevera,

Fully recommend the psychedelics BUT it’s not for everyone.

Practice mindfulness through meditation.

Psychedelics do what that does but does so through explosive force, lol.

Mindfulness is so fundamentally critical to feeling alive again. That breeze still exists. The sound of the cicadas buzzing away is still there. The scent of rain still permeates.

Meditation isn’t going “ohmmmmm🧘”. It’s a practice of clearing your mind, and living through your senses. Discerning your existence through means other than thought.

When you were a kid, you didn’t have the capacity to only think like you do now. You were jumping between thought and raw sensory analysis. You were both free and grounded through your senses.

It’s about finding a balance that as a kid you couldn’t obtain, and that as an adult you have forsaken.

Good luck friend. Just know that you can get back to that.

Edit: I’d like to add that you practice until it’s second nature, and you become much more aware as a result. You won’t need to stop to smell those roses - they will grab your attention.

charolastra,

I’ve occasionally referred to psychedelics as ‘microwave Buddhism’

Aceticon,

It’s do with living in the moment vs spending your time thinking about what you did or worrying about what the future might bring, IMHO.

We become way more prone to spend our time doing things like thinking about stuff we did (and how we miss it if it was good or could’ve done it better if it was bad) and worrying about what the future can bring (and not necessarily in grand terms: somethingas simple as “I have to get a haircut” which then goes one to “when will I have the time”, then “but I need that time for X” and so on) as we grow older.

You absolutelly can still have some moments of wonder (for things as simple as how a cobweb looks with droplets of morning mist on it) but you need to be present there in mind also, not just in body, and not to not let some memory or concern rush in to take your mental attention away from the now.

I had a point in my life with a ton of anxiety and ended up learning Mindfulness (which is simply to try and not say anything to yourself in your mind, which is surprisingly hard to do for more than a few seconds) to stop the feeling (if you’re not constantly looking back to something bad or fearing for something bad in the future you don’t feel anxious about those things) and as a side effect I ended up with the habit of being more often present in the moment and that’s how you just enjoy little wonders when you come across them.

Still, it’s nowhere at the level one has as a kid.

InfiniteVariables,

Just go eat a bunch of psilocybin and report back OP

Lmaydev,

LSD connects parts of your brain that you haven’t used or haven’t been connected together since childhood.

Now while this doesn’t always lead to good experiences it cured my severe depression for around 12 months. I woke up feeling generally happy for the first time in a decade.

Luckily these chemicals are gradually being legalized for study and should lead to some amazing therapeutic applications.

ingy,
@ingy@lemmy.ml avatar

This is the way.

unwillingsomnambulist,

Objective unclear, ate penicillin and created a bacterium capable of speech.

On a more serious note…I gotta find some psilocybin.

JusnJusn,

I’d advise against suggesting that people should take psychedelics honestly. I know some people who have had their depression cured with psychedelics, and others who have come away from trips traumatized and scarred by false realities that their brains made up. It’s a strange thing.

gmate8,
@gmate8@lemmy.ml avatar

I think I get it what you mean… you are feeling like you are watching a tv show in your perspective, like you are not the one who acts, you are just watching? One of my friemds had a similar experience, please tell me if I understand it the wrong way.

H4Lambda,

That’s called having a derealization/depersonalisation crisis, not getting older lol.

Had that when I was 18, tell your friend to get checked

gmate8,
@gmate8@lemmy.ml avatar

Thanks for your help I’ll definately tell him

001100010010, (edited )
@001100010010@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

When your older, you understand how shitty the world really is, and shatters any hope you ever had.

I thought the world was so awesome, space is so vast, the world so interconnected, technology, communication across the whole world, we have flying machines, we (as in humanity) went to the moon, we have machines on mars, we might reverse aging…

Then, the realization that we are alone in space, the universe doesn’t care about us, technology is being used for mass surveillance, censorship and propaganda, false information, carbon emissions, recession to authoritarianism, discrimination, etc…

I wish I could be naive and happy as I used to be, but once you grow up, you understand how fucked up thw world is. Its hard to have hope again.

I’m diagnosed with depression, but maybe depression is just the realization of the horrible truth of the world.

maegul,
@maegul@lemmy.ml avatar

I think there’s definitely something healthy behind the idea that depression is actually a fairly natural or reasonable state, however hard and painful it can be. Especially for anyone that wants to be mindful of the danger of psychopaths or sociopaths who are probably the types of people that seem oddly immune or unable to understand or empathise with depression.

Otherwise, I’ll just say that a “second childhood” can be a thing (as far as I can tell), where all of the concerns of middle age fade away and we’re forced to wrestle, naively perhaps, with the sheer reality of existing.

jandar_fett,

My therapist said to me the other day that anxiety is the brain’s survival mechanism and depression is “Safe mode.” It’s so hard in the modern world for most people to find the in between because there is so much to give us anxiety and make us feel like we are in danger and so of course since the body always seeks homeostasis, depression is sure to follow. It’s like an up and down Rollercoaster with no end.

mrmanager,
@mrmanager@lemmy.today avatar

I think being depressed is perfectly natural when being on this planet. But since it makes your life worse, it’s important to know how to think about something else so you don’t feel sad all the time (which is natural considering how shitty it all is). Human leaders are at a very primitive stage of mental evolution and we all suffer because of that.

I get excited about computers and tech so I focus a lot on that in my life. You need to find something that feels fun and exciting despite the world being shit. Also I stopped watching news like 15 years ago and I’m ignorant now of all the things that happen every day. Feels better.

jandar_fett,

I used to think it was foolish to be disconnected from the news and current events, but now I think the opposite is true.

mrmanager,
@mrmanager@lemmy.today avatar

It’s much better for mental health at least. You won’t know about all the stuff that happens every day, but I feel like it’s all useless knowledge anyway.

You will start to feel disgusted by those people on the TV. News anchors, presidents, celebrities, fed chairman’s or whatever it is. They are all inside the matrix 100%.

quadrotiles,

There is definitely nothing wrong with you. There’s a reason the phrase “childlike wonder” exists. It’s normal for the newness and novelty of everything to amaze a child, and it’s normal for experiences to become routine to adults. Even if you do experience something new, there’s a very good chance that it’s similar enough to something you’ve experienced before. Brains are designed to find patterns and relate things back to past experiences as part of a survival instinct.

But there is also nothing wrong with people who don’t have the experience I described above. The above experience is probably more common for people with neurotypical brains. I’ve never been able to relate to “not feeling” or “feeling less”, even though it seems to be quite common. My feelings are always a live wire, dialed up to 100 (and honestly, I’m over people - including doctors - telling me how nice that must be). But there’s nothing “wrong” with my brain. It just functions differently, with different strengths and weaknesses. It’s like comparing a car and a motorbike. They have different driving sensations, require different skill sets and safety precautions, but they’re both vehicles that will get you from A to B.

crossover,

I felt similar. Then I had a kid and seeing the world through their eyes brings much of it back. Nothing quite like the rush of emotions (and sleep deprivation) of being a parent to a young child.

keegomatic,
@keegomatic@kbin.social avatar

This really is true. Experiencing it now, myself.

oldfart,

Not my experience at all. Having a child is like being kicked in the balls every time you try to find your own inner child

oldfart,

Try LSD. It’s like being a kid again.

vd1n,

Or mushrooms.

Ops not joking. It literally allows your brain to create new pathways instead of being stuck with the same boring bullshit that repeats in daily life.

Just make sure you dose right and teach yourself in a proper way instead of taking what some friend hands you to “tRiP bAlLzzz, mannn”. Treat it like medicine.

Tehgingey,

Couldn’t agree more, I use psychadelics a few times a year, and nothing brings be to that same feeling OP was describing like LSD or mushrooms. Some of the best conversations and experiences I’ve ever had agave been on psychedelics, I laugh till I cry almost everytime I’ve done them. have had bad trips in my life, but I feel like Set and Setting are hugley important as well as having respect for the drug. Overall highly recommend.

H3L1X,
@H3L1X@lemmy.ml avatar

I came here to say that as well. Or, as @vd1n says, mushrooms. It really helps remind you that the world is wondrous, and even after it’s over, it makes it easier to see the joy in everything.

oldfart,

I never did mushrooms and only did LSD like 5 times. But one time I contemplated the multitude of grass types when laying down on a meadow. Another time was on a short mountain trip, landed at a tourist shelter, there was a melody in all the kitchen noises. Also observing the tiny ecosystem at the riverside is something I will never forget. I don’t have this kind of patience or ability to being fascinated with the mundane normally.

RBWells,

I don’t know about normal, but I have more than 50 years and not jaded yet - the dish soap making bubbles still delights me, the beautiful sky makes me stop and stare, the smell of the night blooming jasmine, the world is just so incredible I don’t know how anybody can really get used to it. Like, the fact that you get to exist at all, with consciousness and a physical body, it’s not something I can take for granted.

Now if you mean am I more busy or distracted now? I think again the answer is no but I didn’t like childhood and have enjoyed being an adult.

I would suggest a dream journal and trying to lucid dream, if your waking self has lost its sense of wonder

ProfezzorDarke,

See, and that guy is proof not everyone get’s recessive depression. I wish you dear luck staying like this, dude.

anon,

the dish soap making bubbles still delights me

I’m guilty of being an old-ass adult and buying myself a disney bubble machine when I saw it on the spot for myself (and the dogs).

Prefix,

I think a big part of it is that when we are young, all of these are new experiences to us. And as such, they carry a lot more emotion and stimulation.

As an adult, you’ve experienced many things. To some degree, your brain is likely acustomed to it.

Something that helps is breaking out of your routines and experiencing new things. I’ve heard our neural pathways described as the grooves that form on a hill when sledding. When you first slide down the hill, you’re making brand new grooves. Each trip is different and unique. But over time, trails get established and you end up using the same worn trails over and over.

Experiencing new, bespoke things is like breaking out of the trails and making a new one.

At least, that’s my understanding! I’m not a proffessional, just someone who can relate to what you’re describing :)

lemminer, (edited )

I’ll add one more point.

Not just cause of age, but people disregard feeling when they don’t find it comfortable with. People want to be treated in someway and don’t want you feel in other shape or form.

Which is another reason why we tame/shape our feelings abiding by the social norms.

I used to be over friendly in my 20s. That behaviour isn’t appreciated in professional relationships. I had to change my attitude towards people overtime and stop emphathizing with them, to a certain degree.

It is certainly a matter of environment and peers you had around you, not age.

bobs_monkey,

Definitely agree. To your point on new things, I still feel that sense of awe and wonder when I go on trips to places I’ve never been, hear an awesome song for the first time, or even learn something new. It takes a certain level of motivation to feel those senses as you age (mid 30s here), and determination to seek those things out. I know I am lucky in that I’m at a stage in life where I have the resources to make some of these happen, but a lot of it is also forcing the free time to both seek out experiences and also be able to appreciate them.

finnegans_ghost,

I have to agree. I grew up in a tropical climate and moved to the northern part of the northern hemisphere several years ago. The first few winters I would look like some kind of child lost in the wonder of the beauty of snow falling because I’d never lived in a place that had snow. Sometimes I still have those moments.

I am not a doctor, but it could be depression. It is really difficult to not feel terrible sometimes given the state of the world right now.

kaktus,

I think one of the reasons people like having kids, is because they can see the world through there eyes. Everything you’ve already experienced numerous of times, they get to see for the first time and relay there joy to you. And you get to show them. Ignoring the depressing reality, painting a picture of the world like it once felt to you.

jandar_fett,

Yep. Each time you perform the same action, say the same words, think the same thoughts the connection of the neural pathways responsible for those things are strengthened. It is why depression and anxiety and other mental issues are so hard to reverse. It is possible though. I urge anyone who thinks they have depression to look up a book called “The Upward Spiral.” It is co-written by a neuroscientist and a psychologist and was really eye opening for me on the inner workings of the brain when it comes to depression and anxiety and has helped me at least start on a path to making myself better.

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