Is it normal for a person to "feel" less as they get older?

I remember experiencing the world much more vividly when I was a little boy.

I would step outside on an autumn evening and feel joy as the cool breeze rustled the leaves and caressed my skin. In the summers, I would listen to the orchestra of insects buzzing around me. I would waddle out of the cold swimming pool and the most wonderful shiver would cascade out of me as I peed in the bathroom. In the winters, I would get mesmerized by the simple sound of my boots crunching the snow under me.

These were not experiences that I actively sought out. They just happened. I did not need to stop to smell the figurative roses, the roses themselves would stop me in my tracks.

As I got older, I started feeling less and less and thinking more and more.

I’ve tried meditation, recreation, vacation, resignation, and medication. Some of these things have helped but I am still left wondering… is this a side effect of getting older? Or is there something wrong with me?

Aceticon,

It’s do with living in the moment vs spending your time thinking about what you did or worrying about what the future might bring, IMHO.

We become way more prone to spend our time doing things like thinking about stuff we did (and how we miss it if it was good or could’ve done it better if it was bad) and worrying about what the future can bring (and not necessarily in grand terms: somethingas simple as “I have to get a haircut” which then goes one to “when will I have the time”, then “but I need that time for X” and so on) as we grow older.

You absolutelly can still have some moments of wonder (for things as simple as how a cobweb looks with droplets of morning mist on it) but you need to be present there in mind also, not just in body, and not to not let some memory or concern rush in to take your mental attention away from the now.

I had a point in my life with a ton of anxiety and ended up learning Mindfulness (which is simply to try and not say anything to yourself in your mind, which is surprisingly hard to do for more than a few seconds) to stop the feeling (if you’re not constantly looking back to something bad or fearing for something bad in the future you don’t feel anxious about those things) and as a side effect I ended up with the habit of being more often present in the moment and that’s how you just enjoy little wonders when you come across them.

Still, it’s nowhere at the level one has as a kid.

Ranjeliq,
@Ranjeliq@programming.dev avatar

I understand what you mean, I have the same feeling - everything is a but less vivid now.

I am no expert, but my guess that is happening because you have much more experience with the world now. As we age, the number of things that will be completely new to us becomes smaller and smaller. We just have more experience, and even if we haven’t seen/felt/heard something particular, chances are, that your brain still won’t be completely surprised - it will be able to find some experiences that you have which are close to that new thing.

But when you are a kid - there is a whole world of things you didn’t experience at all or didn’t experience enough to understand fully. That’s why everything was so vivid - there was a lot of “truly” new experiences.

crossover,

I felt similar. Then I had a kid and seeing the world through their eyes brings much of it back. Nothing quite like the rush of emotions (and sleep deprivation) of being a parent to a young child.

keegomatic,
@keegomatic@kbin.social avatar

This really is true. Experiencing it now, myself.

oldfart,

Not my experience at all. Having a child is like being kicked in the balls every time you try to find your own inner child

Nonameuser678,
@Nonameuser678@kbin.social avatar

Firstly I just want to say that this is really interesting post and I love that you've asked this question. Secondly, as someone who experienced child abuse I don't know where to even start in answering this question because as an adult I'm now in a space where I can actually feel my feelings and express them safely.

I think life is maybe similar to being in a long term relationship. There are times when every little thing life does annoys you or times where it's just eh and you realise you need to actively spice things up. And then there are times when you are completely overcome by joy thinking about how much you love life, how much you've been through together, and how excited you are to spend the rest of your lives together.

If you're looking for a suggestion on spicing things up I highly recommended jumping into some existential philosophy. It's like the intellectual equivalent of a roller coaster I guess.

zabadoh,

If you read up on how our brains age, it’s basically pruning neuron branches. While this is a good thing up to a point, the pruning process continues well past our brains’ peak performance because evolution is done with you at that point, I.e. you had your kids by then.

theguardian.com/…/brain-tree-why-we-replenish-onl…

the_third,

Short comment because mobile: You’ve described a thing I’ve been thinking about and grasping to get back since maybe two or three years. Thank you.

RBWells,

I don’t know about normal, but I have more than 50 years and not jaded yet - the dish soap making bubbles still delights me, the beautiful sky makes me stop and stare, the smell of the night blooming jasmine, the world is just so incredible I don’t know how anybody can really get used to it. Like, the fact that you get to exist at all, with consciousness and a physical body, it’s not something I can take for granted.

Now if you mean am I more busy or distracted now? I think again the answer is no but I didn’t like childhood and have enjoyed being an adult.

I would suggest a dream journal and trying to lucid dream, if your waking self has lost its sense of wonder

ProfezzorDarke,

See, and that guy is proof not everyone get’s recessive depression. I wish you dear luck staying like this, dude.

anon,

the dish soap making bubbles still delights me

I’m guilty of being an old-ass adult and buying myself a disney bubble machine when I saw it on the spot for myself (and the dogs).

danie10,
@danie10@lemmy.ml avatar

Well firstly your senses do start dulling (eyesight, hearing), and secondly you have way more context on the world itself (the mortgage bond, climate change, pollution, family responsibilities, social media trolls, the fragility of bones and life, etc). So I suppose your brain is less focussed on the moment, and you’ve got a bit cynical about life ;-)

I accept that the way I looked at life and moments at 15, 25 and 50 are fairly different. Decisions I took at 25 were right for me then, but today I would have decided differently, but then I would not be where I am today either.

RickRussell_CA,
@RickRussell_CA@kbin.social avatar

Part of it is looking back through rose-colored glasses. Sure, there was joy, but there was that time you stubbed your toe and you got so emotionally disregulated that you cried for an hour, or the time your parents put the wrong color socks on you and you screamed a bad word at them and refused to leave the house, or... etc.

You learned to regulate your emotions. That's mostly a good thing, but it also means that you learn to control yourself in the moment, and you don't tend to lose yourself in joy like you did as a child.

And that's OK. I enjoy things differently now, than I did then. Back then, when I played with a toy car, it gave me great joy but if something broke, or things didn't go my way, I also suffered uncontrollable anger and frustration. Today, when I take my TRX-4 trail truck out on the trails, I feel a different kind of joy that is mixed with intellectual understanding of the engineering of the machine, an appreciation of the beauty of the natural world that I didn't have as a child, etc. And if something breaks, it's not an emotional thing any more. I know I can fix it, I have the ability and the desire.

Heck, it's enjoyable to break things, take them apart, and fix them again. That certainly wasn't true when I was 6.

platysalty,

And if something breaks, it's not an emotional thing any more. I know I can fix it, I have the ability and the desire.

Fixing stuff breaking is honestly half the fun. Weird love hate thing.

RickRussell_CA,
@RickRussell_CA@kbin.social avatar

Exactly. Break something, and the fun stops for now, but TIME FOR AN UPGRADE!

platysalty,

Geez, let everyone know my MO why don't you.

STUPIDVIPGUY,

Yeah I would say it’s definitely normal. I just try to get out there and push myself to do new things, and really be present and thankful for the beautiful things that I do experience.

jcit878,

the wonder can still exist. the pressure of adult life is so damn clouding though. what helps for me (and my wife) is solo travel, we have both found it to be one of the best things we ever decided to do. a week or so to yourself to completely forget all about work, home I have found to be extremely helpful. Do exactly what you want, take your time, and you can find beauty in the everyday things again. If its possible of course

STUPIDVIPGUY,

Solo travel can really teach you a lot about yourself. I had a great time living in my car for 3 weeks but I learned that I got lonely as hell. Until I met a couple friends in Nevada to help put things in perspective.

ComradePorkRoll,

Due to climate change, there are less roses to smell. You could just be coping with the fact that you are aware of more pressing issues nowadays.

systemglitch,

Things can’t be fresh and new(ish) experiences forever. Welcome to entropy of the mind. However, there are always more fresh experiences out there for you to marvel at, you just have to find them.

CeruleanRuin,
@CeruleanRuin@lemmy.one avatar

I can only speak from personal experience, but I feel much the same way you do. However, novelty still does it for me. And I think that’s the explanation for the gradual drop-off. When you’re young, everything is new. By the time you’re older, you’ve seen it all, and so those little spikes of novelty are few and far between.

karce,
@karce@wizanons.dev avatar

Hey OP, a lot of people are suggesting psilocybin or other psychedelics. If you’re interested you can ask questions about that in the !magic community. I moderate it but there are psychonauts there that know about this stuff who are friendly and helpful.

VediusPollio,

My friend was wondering how someone else could even get a hold of mushrooms or spores in secret, without having to use the mail, if some other rando was crazy enough to consider microdosing?

mysoulishome,
@mysoulishome@lemmy.world avatar

Joining. The therapeutic ketamine sub was one I’d recently joined and enjoyed before snoopocalypse. I’m in.

quadrotiles,

There is definitely nothing wrong with you. There’s a reason the phrase “childlike wonder” exists. It’s normal for the newness and novelty of everything to amaze a child, and it’s normal for experiences to become routine to adults. Even if you do experience something new, there’s a very good chance that it’s similar enough to something you’ve experienced before. Brains are designed to find patterns and relate things back to past experiences as part of a survival instinct.

But there is also nothing wrong with people who don’t have the experience I described above. The above experience is probably more common for people with neurotypical brains. I’ve never been able to relate to “not feeling” or “feeling less”, even though it seems to be quite common. My feelings are always a live wire, dialed up to 100 (and honestly, I’m over people - including doctors - telling me how nice that must be). But there’s nothing “wrong” with my brain. It just functions differently, with different strengths and weaknesses. It’s like comparing a car and a motorbike. They have different driving sensations, require different skill sets and safety precautions, but they’re both vehicles that will get you from A to B.

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