Fuck western funerals. Dying of old age in the west isn’t sad, it’s the ultimate conclusion to that person’s story and should be celebrated. Edit: I mean celebrate their life not their death.
But, the funeral industry gotta sell you a shitty coffin, sell you a shitty service. Shitty people gotta show off how sad they are. Edit: being an edgy arsehole isn’t cool. Grieve how you want, not how someone else thinks you should, including me.
I was sad when my dear grandpa died. He was like a (second) father to me. He taught me many things and was the sweetest man in the world, with more love in his heart than he knew what to do with. He was a great father, a great husband, and he grew up from nothing, fatherless himself, yet turned himself into an exemplary human being and man. A role model if you will.
Definitely wept at his funeral, because I missed him dearly already. Your situation not being similar doesn’t mean I have to pretend not to be sad. That’s bullshit.
I’m sure you are doing a great job. Ive no kids but likewise I have a shining example to guide me. Thanks , you too. Wishing you and your family health and happiness in the new year and the years to come ❤️
Ah Jesus how high mighty do you have to be to be above grieving losing a loved one. Funerals are a celebration of someone’s life, it’s like one of the opening lines of every funeral I’ve been to.
It doesn’t matter the age, if the person was important to you their absence can impact you emotionally.
That says enough for me, however you defend it being sad at the loss of someone you cared about is justifiable and not shitty regardless of their age…or being in “the west”
God yes. I was a bit of an accident in my family and have a slew of aunts, uncles and cousins who are all 60-90 now. It’s been an interesting past couple of years and I am not looking forward to the next few.
Mind change, and yoga mind are two books that really helped me work through my trauma. They aren’t for everyone, but if you’re struggling to figure your shit out its a place to start at least.
The E-Myth. A classic for entrepreneurs, I had waited to read it as nd I think it was the right time. For me, it clicked that a business needs to become a machine, with defined processes. Of course, I chose a very innovative service to make, so getting there will be tough. But the book definitely helped me get more sense of direction.
Finnegans Wake. I read it across the year with an online group. It was always on the edge of incomprehensibility - often well over the edge - but it definitely had a impact.
This year’s ‘big read’ will be the Chinese classic Romance of the Three Kingdoms I’m just about to make a start.
The french horn gets me in the feels every time. I think it’s because it reminds me of dressing up fancy and going to the symphony with my aunt as a school aged kid, as well as candle lit Christmas eve services that heavily featured them.
The french horn is the feelings guy in the horn section. The trumpet is often used to shout the main idea at the audience, and then the french horn lays back on the couch and tells us how that makes him feel.
Most instruments played well grips my heart and holds. But steelpan. People see it as something carnival something something, but it fits well for a surprisingly wide span of music! The power of the bass pans in death metal as much as the “synthiness” in a melody from some NES game, it fits!
Soft recommendation for psychedelics. It’s NOT for everyone and you should do some legitimate research beforehand, but it’s done wonders for my anxiety
It took me a very long time to realise that there’s no point worrying about things I can’t control, I needed to find ways to mitigate the risks or consequences.
E.g. I used to get very very anxious about traveling, e.g. for a four hour car trip. What is there’s heavy traffic, what if we run late, what if there are detours, what if we need to stop, what if the car breaks down…
Then I started working out what I could actually do about these things? What is in my control? What can I do to make heavy traffic more bearable (music and water)? So what if I’m late? I have a phone I can call. I can keep my car well maintained, I can drive calmly, and so on.
It’s not perfect, it’s anecdotal, but it was a mindset change that helped me. I mean, medication helped too… it gave me the space to be rational.
In my case its that I just get stuck into repetative negative thought loops. My default assumption always seems to be that the worst case scenario is going to happen even though it never happens. I’m just really good at convincing myself that nothing is worth trying as I’m probably going to fail anyways.
When you catch yourself going into a negative loop, stop yourself and think of or write down the absolute worst possible scenario (and really, how bad is this, likely minor, negative thing in the grand scheme of things?), the most likely scenario which happens most of the time, and the best possible scenario (how good could it be, similar to the bad outcomes?). What separates those possible outcomes? Chance? Effort on your part? Other people?
If it’s effort on your part, it gives you actionable steps you can take and that’s great for anxiety, everything else being out of your control should actually help as well, though, especially when you intentionally step back and look for the most likely event.
I always have this sense when I’m driving home from an overnight elsewhere that my house will have burned down or my animals will be dead or something. I know it’s absurd, but more than that, even if that was the case, there’s nothing I could actually do about it, and I know one of my neighbors would call the fire department and text me if my house caught fire. So when I have that intrusive thought I stop myself and take a step back - logically it’s very unlikely it will burn down when I’m not home because I spend 99% of my time at home - if it is going to burn, it is likely going to burn when I’m here, and I literally never worry about that. So why do I worry about the rare occurrence?
It doesn’t help immediately, because you didn’t logic yourself into that worry, but eventually you can train yourself to be a bit more realistic which, while it may not fix the intrusive thoughts, does help a ton with breaking the rumination cycle.
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