My gf has been asking me repeatedly if I think she’s a cow.
I said no for about a month or so when I remembered what I’d told her not lokgn after we started dating: I’m just going to agree with anything negative you say about yourself until you stop saying it.
Responding with things like: yes, yes I do… or: MOOOOOOO. Or: yeah, a dn sexy cow, lemme see them milkers, seems to have put a stop to it quick. Or any of the self deprecating tracks she tends to get on.
It seems to be the only thing that gets her off these weird self de}reacting spirals for some reason
She kept on asking if she looked like a Teletubby for a while so I kept saying . “Tubby custard” at weird times and it stopped.
If this sounds mean, I’m very supportive and often compliment her )looks / accomplishments and she usually laughs when it happens. It’s not done with malice and we both laugh at it.
Whatever you say you’ll be wrong. If your answer is “You are not!” then she will blame you “You are not looking at me at all. Am i not pretty for you?” If your answer is “Yes you are!” then you are screwed. If your answer will be silence then she will do the same as the answer would be “Yes you are!” but she will add… you are a coward.
My partner flat asked if I still find her as attractive as I used to. After some thought I said the following, “I don’t think that’s fair. You’re asking me to rate someone I care about so much. I don’t want to do that. I love you and just want to be there for you, with you.”
Tbh, I don’t know what the right answer might be for others. I’m not that wise. All I know for certain is how I feel and hoped that was enough. It was, though I am sad that I can’t take her self-esteem and tear away those damn chains that hold it back from growing.
After having some nice intimate time, during the quiet afterglow, ask her how her self esteem has been lately. Maybe she’s feeling down and wants to talk about it.
Once her feelings are in the open it will be easier to feel out a solution.
I am hung up about weight like this. Spent so long on the far side of skinny that smack in the middle of healthy makes me feel I look fat. I do say I am fat, I know objectively that is not true but I miss being too skinny. Just venting really.
I think just say that she is built great now, and you like it, but it’s her body. She probably isn’t worried that YOU think she’s fat. She is bothered because SHE thinks she’s fat.
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