God yes. I was a bit of an accident in my family and have a slew of aunts, uncles and cousins who are all 60-90 now. It’s been an interesting past couple of years and I am not looking forward to the next few.
Fuck western funerals. Dying of old age in the west isn’t sad, it’s the ultimate conclusion to that person’s story and should be celebrated. Edit: I mean celebrate their life not their death.
But, the funeral industry gotta sell you a shitty coffin, sell you a shitty service. Shitty people gotta show off how sad they are. Edit: being an edgy arsehole isn’t cool. Grieve how you want, not how someone else thinks you should, including me.
Ah Jesus how high mighty do you have to be to be above grieving losing a loved one. Funerals are a celebration of someone’s life, it’s like one of the opening lines of every funeral I’ve been to.
It doesn’t matter the age, if the person was important to you their absence can impact you emotionally.
That says enough for me, however you defend it being sad at the loss of someone you cared about is justifiable and not shitty regardless of their age…or being in “the west”
I was sad when my dear grandpa died. He was like a (second) father to me. He taught me many things and was the sweetest man in the world, with more love in his heart than he knew what to do with. He was a great father, a great husband, and he grew up from nothing, fatherless himself, yet turned himself into an exemplary human being and man. A role model if you will.
Definitely wept at his funeral, because I missed him dearly already. Your situation not being similar doesn’t mean I have to pretend not to be sad. That’s bullshit.
I’m sure you are doing a great job. Ive no kids but likewise I have a shining example to guide me. Thanks , you too. Wishing you and your family health and happiness in the new year and the years to come ❤️
Soft recommendation for psychedelics. It’s NOT for everyone and you should do some legitimate research beforehand, but it’s done wonders for my anxiety
It took me a very long time to realise that there’s no point worrying about things I can’t control, I needed to find ways to mitigate the risks or consequences.
E.g. I used to get very very anxious about traveling, e.g. for a four hour car trip. What is there’s heavy traffic, what if we run late, what if there are detours, what if we need to stop, what if the car breaks down…
Then I started working out what I could actually do about these things? What is in my control? What can I do to make heavy traffic more bearable (music and water)? So what if I’m late? I have a phone I can call. I can keep my car well maintained, I can drive calmly, and so on.
It’s not perfect, it’s anecdotal, but it was a mindset change that helped me. I mean, medication helped too… it gave me the space to be rational.
In my case its that I just get stuck into repetative negative thought loops. My default assumption always seems to be that the worst case scenario is going to happen even though it never happens. I’m just really good at convincing myself that nothing is worth trying as I’m probably going to fail anyways.
When you catch yourself going into a negative loop, stop yourself and think of or write down the absolute worst possible scenario (and really, how bad is this, likely minor, negative thing in the grand scheme of things?), the most likely scenario which happens most of the time, and the best possible scenario (how good could it be, similar to the bad outcomes?). What separates those possible outcomes? Chance? Effort on your part? Other people?
If it’s effort on your part, it gives you actionable steps you can take and that’s great for anxiety, everything else being out of your control should actually help as well, though, especially when you intentionally step back and look for the most likely event.
I always have this sense when I’m driving home from an overnight elsewhere that my house will have burned down or my animals will be dead or something. I know it’s absurd, but more than that, even if that was the case, there’s nothing I could actually do about it, and I know one of my neighbors would call the fire department and text me if my house caught fire. So when I have that intrusive thought I stop myself and take a step back - logically it’s very unlikely it will burn down when I’m not home because I spend 99% of my time at home - if it is going to burn, it is likely going to burn when I’m here, and I literally never worry about that. So why do I worry about the rare occurrence?
It doesn’t help immediately, because you didn’t logic yourself into that worry, but eventually you can train yourself to be a bit more realistic which, while it may not fix the intrusive thoughts, does help a ton with breaking the rumination cycle.
i used ynab for a while but am now realizing it’s probably worse for my mental health to keep track of things that granularly. need to go back to a more zoomed out, normal person sort of management scheme
Maybe just readjust your categories to be more general?
Alternatively I found a bank called Monzo that has ynab features built-in. I’m definitely considering not renewing my ynab and switching to that if I can.
In December 2022 I realized I skipped seeing my cardiologist for 6 years. Did a 24 hour monitor. Apparently my heart rate was dropping to 21 bpm and stopping pumping for up to three seconds. So in February 2023 they cut me open and give me a pacemaker. Months go on and I am still getting winded. So they did another heart Cath procedure (on the 28th) and it turns out my heart is doing worse than thought even, so in the next 3-5 years I'll need a heart transplant. But the make up of my organ layout means I'll need a specialist, which just all sounds so slim. I am 33 and so fucking tired.
I hope to leave some of this stress behind. I know there's a lot I can't escape now, but I hope I can leave some of the anger and fear behind. It's been hard to be a good dad or partner this year just from feeling so stressed, and if I don't know how long we will have I just want my daughter to remember a happier dad.
I’m only a few years older than you and have ischaemic cv disease (blocked arteries). It’s a common problem in people twice my age. I thought I ate well and exercised regularly but it turns out that stuff doesn’t help that much if you lost the genetic lottery like me.
I had a heart attack this year, while my partner was pregnant with our first children. Yes 2x kids. They were born a few months ago.
IDK if I have 2 years or 20 years to do my best for them… but fuck it’s a bitter pill.
I absolutely get the dread / fear / anger.
Every time I have a new blood test that shows I’m more fucked than I hoped it just… hurts.
the way i see it, the world may well end within our lifetime. when the credit card server farms collapse into the encroaching ocean it won’t matter anymore
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