It’ll sound cheesy, but “Don’t Go Hollow” is that phrase for me.
In 2019, I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. When at in-patient, we didn’t get much to express ourselves. Every meal, we ate with plastic utensils and foam plates and cups for safety. I would carve that phrase into the cups, along with a bonfire.
“Don’t Go Hollow” goes back to Dark Souls. It’s a phrase that means something in the game world, but it’s also metaphorical. What’s an avatar without the player? It’s like a body without spirit. You’re not progressing in the game because you checked out. If you want to keep going, you need to be present, to keep trying.
Other ones that come to mind are “This is a moment. It will pass.” which I said in the showers that scared the fuck out of me, and “Fall down 7 times, get up 8.” “Let it rip,” from the Bear is another one I like.
My mantra is just rama rama rama. Meditation with a mantra helps a lot of you put in the work beforehand.
It sounds like you’re talking more about a motivational slogan, though. Mine is, “You don’t have to want it, you just have to do it.” It helps because it frees me from the tyranny of desire. I don’t need to figure out if I’m in the mood. I don’t need to trick myself into enjoying it. I can just do the thing and be done with it.
Relatedly, there’s a line from a favorite book, “Somebody has to and no one else will” with a similar vibe.
I have two:
Way back when I was 16, I worked as a host at a busy restaurant, I would get really stressed when we had a long line at the door (the wait would easily get up to 1 hour on weekends), and I just started repeating, "you can only do what you can do, you can't do any more". As someone who has always really struggled with the need to please everyone all the time, it's really helpful when I'm running busy events (I work as an events manager now) or when anything is approaching FUBAR because of things beyond my control.
On a broader, life-changes perspective, I always loved a quote from The Riches (said by the actor now known as Suzy Eddie Izzard),
"Life's a river kid, you gotta go where it takes you."
Its helped a very risk-adverse me take some huge leaps and I've not regretted any of them.
I get a lot of intrusive, negative, catastrophising thoughts late at night. Worrying about things I would never worry about during daylight.
I always try to tell myself: don’t think about this stuff right now, it’s not helpful. Put it aside and if it still feels important in the morning then you can do something about it. Fixating on it right now serves no useful purpose.
Well not all the time, but a lot more of the time. Here’s a philosophical question. Do you think being on a holiday is easier than having to go to work? Why would not being on a permanent holiday be easier? Do extremely rich retired people look like they’re having a hard time aside from physical decline?
We have those problems too. We have to worry about money at the same time.
If you were rich:
Relationship issues> the best counseling, less time working, more holidays, de-stress any number of other ways to make solving those issues easier.
Family member dies> stop working for a period of time (if you even choose to work) spend time with family, pay for funeral for a nice send off, pay to have cleaners and meals cooked for the house of the deceased to ease their burden. Pay for people to fly or take time off work so they can spend time with family.
Diarrhea> fancy toilet and bidet.
The idea life is not easier with money is a lie. We know this because everyone who has it will do everything they can to keep it and get more. The difference is the more money you have, the more problems your brain has to manufacture. Not knowing which Bentley to buy or feeling like your too busy while you have the power at any moment to pay to have other people do a lot of those things aren’t real problems because you have the resource to solve them. When you’re poor your problems are more real. Not having enough food or worrying about rent or paying to medical costs are real problems.
This is really close to what I do as well. If I’m overwhelmed, I think to myself, “Just start with one small thing. Then do another small thing. Eventually, lots of small things add up to a large thing. Won’t get anywhere doing nothing and worrying about how much I have to do.”
When I was in college I had a therapist. I was telling him how I wasn’t sure if I was being perfectly efficient about how I was going about things, that I was wasting time and energy in my approach.
His advice was just to focus on doing something rather than nothing, without trying to optimize it.
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