I heard my partner’s dad working on some IKEA patio furniture or something in his backyard when he messed something up and yelled, “Nothing’s ever easy!” In the moment, it was hilarious. Then it was kind of sad. Then it was true. Many years later that shit still sticks with me. Nothing ever is fucking easy. And any time you feel like you’re getting a bit too sure of yourself or when you need to keep in mind everything you’ve gotten through so far, it’s good to remind yourself of that.
May I suggest a reading of the Voltaire book Candide? Phrases like “Everything will be ok” or as the book often suggests “all is for the best” in the “best of all possible worlds” will take on a whole new meaning.
The book is funny most of the time but it has a very sharp cynical edge about life and positive thinking and how it doesn’t mean much in the face of most life changing events.
One I like from Malazan Book of the Fallen: “I am not yet done.” The mantra of a man who’s duty it was to bear the souls of the fallen for his faith as it crushed him.
I have two:
Way back when I was 16, I worked as a host at a busy restaurant, I would get really stressed when we had a long line at the door (the wait would easily get up to 1 hour on weekends), and I just started repeating, "you can only do what you can do, you can't do any more". As someone who has always really struggled with the need to please everyone all the time, it's really helpful when I'm running busy events (I work as an events manager now) or when anything is approaching FUBAR because of things beyond my control.
On a broader, life-changes perspective, I always loved a quote from The Riches (said by the actor now known as Suzy Eddie Izzard),
"Life's a river kid, you gotta go where it takes you."
Its helped a very risk-adverse me take some huge leaps and I've not regretted any of them.
Well not all the time, but a lot more of the time. Here’s a philosophical question. Do you think being on a holiday is easier than having to go to work? Why would not being on a permanent holiday be easier? Do extremely rich retired people look like they’re having a hard time aside from physical decline?
We have those problems too. We have to worry about money at the same time.
If you were rich:
Relationship issues> the best counseling, less time working, more holidays, de-stress any number of other ways to make solving those issues easier.
Family member dies> stop working for a period of time (if you even choose to work) spend time with family, pay for funeral for a nice send off, pay to have cleaners and meals cooked for the house of the deceased to ease their burden. Pay for people to fly or take time off work so they can spend time with family.
Diarrhea> fancy toilet and bidet.
The idea life is not easier with money is a lie. We know this because everyone who has it will do everything they can to keep it and get more. The difference is the more money you have, the more problems your brain has to manufacture. Not knowing which Bentley to buy or feeling like your too busy while you have the power at any moment to pay to have other people do a lot of those things aren’t real problems because you have the resource to solve them. When you’re poor your problems are more real. Not having enough food or worrying about rent or paying to medical costs are real problems.
From one of Patton Oswald’s stand up specials, he shares his late wife’s mantra, as a devout atheist: “It’s chaos. Be kind.” Nothing means anything, nothing happens for a reason, things just happen, they only have the meaning we bring to them, be kind.
There’s so many problems, so much uncertainty about the future, it can sometimes feel overwhelming and you just shut down. If you have a counter full of dishes, even if you wash one dish you’ve technically made the situation better. Marginally sure, but still in the right direction. And if that’s where you can focus your attention it might provide some momentum to finish all of them. But if not, that’s fine too, you still made the situation a little better and sometimes that’s the best we can hope for.
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