...did everyone get this?
FlyingSquid, 
You can’t tell me when I die! Only I get to decide when I die!
Sanyanov, Secret of immortality unlocked
andrew, 
From now until then you’re invincible.
WarmSoda, I’ve been saving an old toaster to try in the tub just for an occasion like this!
tryitout, You could make so much money playing Russian roulette!
WarmSoda, Now I’m starting to wonder if being in a coma for twenty years from a toaster/gun shot would still qualify as alive.
Dammit
FlyingSquid, The 1950s sci-fi pulp author Fredric Brown wrote one of his (then) famous short-short stories about a man who came up with the serum for immortality and took it, but he had a cold at the time, and the germs also developed immortality and reproduced so much that his symptoms got worse and worse and eventually put him into a coma. After a while, his colleagues realized he’d never get out of the coma, so they just buried him.
WarmSoda, That’s horrible. Thank you
bobs_monkey, And this is why we have GFCIs, folks
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA, (edited ) 
walter_wiggles, laughs in climate wars
ininewcrow, 
YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHEN I’M GOING TO D…
ivanafterall, 
No, mine had a different date. Must just be a bug.
LemmyKnowsBest, What is this “wrapped” thing everybody but me knows about?
ivanafterall, Spotify gives you an overview of your listening activity every year with different stats, like top artists, top songs, which city your listening tastes match, etc.
LemmyKnowsBest, And Spotify tells people when they’re going to die?
ivanafterall, That's the joke part.
afraid_of_zombies, Yes but it is occasionally off by a second or two, what with free will and all.
spacesweedkid27, Imagine knowing that you’ll live this long from now. Would be great
FlyingSquid, I sure hope I live past 66…
spacesweedkid27, age LEAKED
FlyingSquid, I’m not sure anyone is going to be able to steal my identity based on knowing my approximate age, so I’m not too concerned.
dingus, That’s what you think, P. Sherman at 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney, Australia!
hakunawazo,
Rakonat, 20 years ain’t as long as you think it is. Especially if you’re not even 30
Pyr_Pressure, If someone could guarantee me that I would die 20 years from now I think I would take it. I would rather a guaranteed 20 years than a potential 40.
It would be great not having to worry about death for that long. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.
Decoy321, This could be some real monkeys paw material, though. In your carefree lack of concern, a bus actually hits you tomorrow and puts you into a coma until your predicted date.
spacesweedkid27, (I’m the bus driver)
spacesweedkid27, I actually ran someone over yesterday.
TIMMAY, that’s so long from now though
Socsa, Hah, now there is nothing candlejack ca
Thaumiel, I don’t get it. Who’s Candleja
Decoy321, My favorite thing about this bit is that, after he gets you, he takes the time to submit the comment you were trying to write. Candlejack is really courteous like th
Jon_Servo, Gross. I’d hate having to live an extra ~20 years.
PatFussy, Ima die on my birthday? Man that sucks
happilybitchycowboy, 
Not gonna make it that long. Nice try.
beckerist, deleted_by_author
jjagaimo, We here for a good time, not a long time 😤
qarbone, We here. It’s neither good nor long.
ipha, (edited ) Too optimistic to be real.
MystikIncarnate, Awww man, I don’t wanna do this shit for another 20 years just to die.
Can we make it sooner?
Decoy321, Be the change you want to see in the world!
MystikIncarnate, (edited ) Where’s the nearest bridge?
EDIT: for reasons, this is a joke.
Sanyanov, November 4, 2097…I’m gonna have a long life, it seems!
Land_Strider, Dunno, it sounds like 90’s to me.
wafflez, dang, Feb 23rd 2067 for me
notepass, It just says 5 for me
hakunawazo, 4… 3… 2… 1
Kolanaki, 
Shit, that’s my 82nd birthday. Make sure to send a gift on the 22nd that year.
jacktherippah, Mine says “December 5th 2023”
cashews_best_nut, Can we swap? I’d love to die tomorrow.
spacesweedkid27, Well. Did you?
FleetingTit, 
Have a nice last day on earth, buddy.
eezeebee, 
Weird. Mine says “December 3rd 2023”
Numberone, Just doing a wellness check. Did you make it?
cicadagen, I don’t think so… RIP eezeebee, they were like a father to us and we were like sons to them.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA, Mine says 1997. Just 1997.
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