I’m kind of ashamed to admit my wife and I were living our best life during the pandemic, I sort of miss it (not people getting sick and dying, of course!)
Notably, this didn’t happen to me yesterday. I saw my reflection for a moment in a window while at work and was surprised to see myself. The person I am inside my head never had a face; the image I saw in the mirror was like a mask I’d always been wearing and couldnt take off.
I don’t know why it happened exactly when it did, I’ve been transitioning for over a year now, but it’s really fucking satisfying to finally take the “mask” off and see myself.
It’s honestly similar to how it felt when I changed my name. Like this barrier between my ‘self’ and the physical world being torn down. Like taking a full breath for the first time.
Dysphoria is real and it sucks, and I wish that nobody had to experience it. What made the biggest difference for me, even before I could socially or medically transition, was just finally allowing me to address my own self as a boy, just in my own thoughts or in writing or art. That was the hardest thing for me, but also the most freeing.
I dunno where I’m going with this, just rambling at this point. But just in case it needs to be said, you are real and fucking resilient, you matter, and you’re not alone. ♡
I’m glad you feel like rambling. I’m glad you are moving towards a better place in life. Let’s hope it keeps going in this direction for the rest of your life. 🙂
My roommate (72 y/o, long-time smoker) had severe COPD. She’d faint without oxygen, she couldn’t leave the house for more than a few hours, which is how long her tanks lasted. I mean, it’s great that she made it to that age, but it sucked that she was sick so often. I knew her for ~6 months and watched her try and try to quit smoking. She did care about her health. And she didn’t want to die or be sick. She loved her life. She died from a sudden heart attack in November. I know that everyone dies and everyone gets sicker when they get old, but she would have been so much better off if she’d never become addicted.
I never realized how hard it could be to quit cigarettes before meeting her. This was a woman who had been on alcohol and hard drugs for years in the past and had gotten and stayed sober, but cigarettes were way more difficult for her.
It makes me so fucking angry at the people who profited off of her sickness and her death. Who advertised and lied and actively encouraged her to get addicted. I hate them. Nothing can undo the damage they did and nothing can bring her back. But if I could make them suffer for it, I would.
I love this meme so much I sent it to everybody, especially the people that witnessed me fall on my face when trying to open one of these doors as I ripped it off its hinge* (yeah just the one load-bearing hinge for the whole door)
We have these for doors and windows on our house, And we cannot find a company to repair them. They have so many moving parts in them that they gradually break down and eventually completely fall apart.
The locking mechanism on one of the doors is a knob that pulls on some wires inside the door to open the various latches so you can choose which opening mode you’re using. If you don’t use it for a while it can get stuck and snap, making the door unable to open unless you completely disassemble it.
One of the doors, The tilt and turn hinge at the top got loose And eventually when opening the door completely snapped off and I fell inside onto the door.
The only one that currently works isn’t long for this world. Since The hinge at the top is also loose on this one and so is the handle even though all of the screws are as tight as can be.
Granted the ones in our house are like 15 years old, but the ones on the main house were replaced 5 years ago because these things just have too many moving parts And when any of them break the whole thing has to be completely disassembled. The worst part is that to disassemble the door it has to be out of the frame, and the most common thing I’ve seen break on these is the thing that’s supposed to turn the latch.
And I am sitting here, in my rental flat in Germany and wish I had an American sliding window with an A/C-Unit built into it. Those are not a thing with those German windows :'(
I see this on askreddit all the time, “I realized I was the one reaching out, so I decided to let them initiate the conversation. We haven’t talked in years”.
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