Unfortunately what you’re looking for doesn’t exist. We all have been down this journey. There was some hope a few years back with Purism reviving dreams of a linux phone, but they shit the bed and now there is no viable alternative outside the big two.
I presume whoever made this meme doesn’t understand that incognito mode doesn’t actually protect you from tracking? It just deletes the history on the devices basically.
Apple literally admitted it engages in planned obsolescence practices and has been fined in multiple jurisdictions for doing so.
Not sure why you feel the need to support shady business practices. There are designs that achieve waterproofing/dustproofing while still enabling replaceability. The obvious question then is why would the majority of manufacturers choose a design approach which restricts replaceability?
The point is that virtually every mobile on the market has a non-replaceable battery, and that’s a huge factor driving over-consumption via planned obsolescence.