RBWells

@RBWells@lemmy.world

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RBWells,

What I hate about English is what I love about English. The spelling.

I hate that it’s an impossible system to teach in any logical way. No child can sound out common words like “once”.

But I love that the ridiculous spelling of our words gives you a look into the history of the language. That it’s not just transliterations of the sounds, but letters in a pattern that holds more information than that.

RBWells,

It does here too. It’s not an unclear thing, just not used all the time so people don’t remember.

Biweekly is every other week, fortnightly.

Semiweekly is twice a week.

RBWells,

I don’t really mind, but don’t need the intimate details. People talking about it is better than having it be secret and shameful, and is something going on in the person’s life, but say what you need to and move on!

RBWells,

I work with two recently divorced women and they are certainly having success with Tinder if you define it as dates. Which I guess means it’s working out for the guys they are hooking up with too. So the middle aged people seem to be doing ok. They do say there are guy-bots on there, scams aimed at women.

Both these ladies say they will talk with someone for a few days only then want to meet IRL otherwise won’t continue to engage; my husband said that was also his rule when using the dating apps. We met online but not through a traditional dating app and I wasn’t really looking for anything serious it just worked out that way. About 10 years together now.

About half of our grown children got long term boyfriends/girlfriends on the dating apps and half by luck in real life.

RBWells,

500 years in the past, I’d not survive long enough to be outed. It was not a good time to be a woman.

500 years in the future, hard to predict but I’d take that option if offered. Except with none of whatever currency they use and no ID would likely starve or be arrested for trying to evade identification.

RBWells,

Keeping it clean, I think I’d want hotshot contact lenses, that could provide clear vision in all conditions plus when asked, project for me readable information as though there was a page in front of me. And modes like magnification.

If NSFW allowed, I can think of a few more that would be nice to have. But given the choice, still would prefer the super eyes.

RBWells,

I have a typical job, but just today I was reading an article about different types of potatoes, and they quoted a post harvest potato physiologist.

RBWells,

Shampoo and conditioner in liter bottles, same with kitchen hand soap.

Paper bags for sandwiches and cheese.

Reusable glass containers (but we do have to replace the freaking plastic lids sometimes).

Reusing produce bags over and over until they tear.

We have not found a replacement for trash bags, doggie poop bags, plastic wrap is irreplaceable for some tasks.

You aren’t personally responsible for the market of single use plastic crap. Do what you can. Over time you figure out some strategies.

My beagle has suddenly started resource guarding random stuff. What should I do to get this behavior to stop?

I’ll start off by saying that he has a bad past life. He was obviously abused by his previous owners and straight up abandoned in the woods. He has bad anxiety that he is on Prozac for, and it seems to be helping for the most part....

RBWells, (edited )

If I had to distill the training - there are dominance elements, but CALM and firm is the vibe, and giving them opportunities to be good. He has us sort of bark at the dog as a general “look at me” then pet them for paying attention, and a high pitched gentle “free” or “whee” to release them. Maintain a 2 foot bubble when eating or working from home, don’t let them cuddle up to me. I always made them wait until I walk through a door but he said make them wait until specifically released. So there is some dominance based discipline in there and it does help, but never violence, never use hands to correct them only voice or leash. Nothing that makes them afraid of you will make them respect you.

It was expensive as heck because we have 2 dogs but lifetime support and I can see it’s working. We didn’t have a free for all before the training either - always had standards of behavior for them, heel when walking, etc. We are trying to get to the point they can be walked together and not freak out even if another dog on a leash barks at them. It’s a long road but improving all the time.

I guess one good thing about being injured is plenty of time with the dog to work it out. And yes behavior problems after a traumatic event are normal as heck. Stay consistent, and manage the environment as much as you can at first, don’t give an opening to misbehave, reward with attention when they do what you want.

ETA: it really does depend on the dog. My daughter’s dog is just not emotional, he may ignore what you tell him to do but doesn’t freak out, like, ever. A little kid wanted to pet him at the park and literally screamed in his face and he just sat there, it didn’t phase him. So she can be quite rough with him and he is fine with it. Just “oh, THAT’S what you want, OK.”

RBWells,

Barking is an overstatement, lol. But a rough noise to get their attention, a soft and high pitched word for praise and plenty of cuddling just on my terms, not when working at home.

It’s certainly working, can’t argue with results. Both dogs are calmer and behaving better, easier to train now. Not as reactive.

RBWells,

Ah. There is no punishment built in here, unless you consider removing attention to be punishment. It’s positive reinforcement when they do something right, the happy words and pets. Ignoring them sometimes to convince them you are ok and so are they, not reassuring them. Odd, sure, but not at all mean. They don’t seem ruined, I probably just am not explaining it right. Certainly not kicking them, what the heck?

RBWells,

TJMaxx, TKMaxx, whatever it’s called where you are. Also good for fancy hand soap.

RBWells,

My own? Or that of others? Ignorance is usually fixable, learn what you need to. Incompetence can often be remedied through practice. Nobody starts out knowledgeable or competent.

If it’s someone else’s incompetence and it’s affecting me (like we had an A/P person at work who could not get one vendor paid at the right amount, ever, and it was making my job harder) I usually look at the systems around the person, thinking things should be set up to avoid human error - people are often asked to do things that don’t make sense. For example, to keep the same example - “make sure you don’t pay an invoice twice if it’s sent to us twice”. I mean, sure, but the system should be preventing that, people are always going to fuck it up.

Long answer but I generally approach it thinking people aren’t trying to do bad work, and certainly not doing bad work to annoy me, there is something in their way.

RBWells,

I really like the second season. And did like the book series. I think a TV show has to move faster, it’s an adaptation not a recreation. So it’s a different story but it works. Not the first season, that was not good but the next one I enjoyed so much.

RBWells,

Bach, and Arvo Part.

The baroque music, it is just so melodic and pleasant. That I guess is not strictly classical, nor is Part but I’m interpreting your question as Orchestral music from any time period.

RBWells,

No, I do understand what you mean and it’s the same thing I like about the baroque music. It’s almost like modern house music, the kind where they take one riff and play it out fifty different ways, it is sort of trancey and doesn’t yell at you for attention, it pulls instead of pushing.

RBWells,

Where I do think you have a point is that I find any conservative hypocritical because they think one rule for them & different rules for others. He knows this. But am I perfect? No way. And on voting, when I vote I also have to make compromises because no party here is willing to protect the environment or give us healthcare or push back against our oligopoly. I think yeah he convinces himself on the social stuff because he believes the R will bring a better economy by some magic, and that’s about it. I cancel him out and 11 votes back me up, all our kids who are old enough to vote, all their companions.

But no, I’d not give up a loving and mostly compatible relationship because of politics, and apparently he wouldn’t either. I think without these connections, we’d be so much worse off. He would be worse in an echo chamber, and isn’t an idiot in other ways at all.

Obviously your calculation will be different. But I can love someone who is not me.

RBWells,

I am way, way, way more progressive than my husband but we both grew up before things got so polarized. It’s hard to talk to him about politics because he has gotten sort of propagandized and will spit out sound bites instead of arguing in good faith.

But in terms of what do I think? He’s a great guy, stays in shape, does the dishes, holds down a job, and our sex drive matches (which is a difficult thing to find at this age, more difficult than you might expect). He respects me, is loving and is easy to talk to about anything except political stuff. We are both adventurous in foods, like the same movies, his family likes me. We do not have a gun, live in the city now (he moved to town as I balked at moving to the suburbs). He is not at all racist as far as I can tell, we hang out with whoever and he lived around the world as a kid, one of his kids in interracial relationship, he did not bat an eye at that either. He’s a good guy in and out with some crazy ideas is what I think. Agrees on some things that I’d consider progressive (universal healthcare) but still thinks “regulation” is the root of all evil, as I think corporate greed is.

We just have really different ideas about what is wrong with society and what would help. Also I’d note - his ideas might actually help in some very socialist country, but here in the US and especially Florida they make no sense. He doesn’t see that, and I think that’s the root of the problem.

I can’t tell you what a right wing woman would think though. I do know some religious conservatives of various religions but they aren’t politically conservative exactly. The rest of our friends are maybe right of my politics but all our kids, mine and his, and their spouses and partners, are at least Democrats and some socialist/social democrat. So I won this generation and am satisfied.

RBWells,

Well, in terms of weight control I gamed the system by staying underweight when young (often very unhealthily and anxiously so) so that middle age weight gain got me to a healthy weight.

I can’t diet because of the early eating disorder, and can’t quite get to intuitive eating either. So as someone else mentioned, I do limit the hours I eat not what or how much.

Lots of beans and rice. Love cheese too. Meat & fruit every week but not every day. Grow some vegetables every season but not enough to rely on; but in fall & spring have fresh greens from the yard, and whatever else I can manage. Make sourdough bread each week. Junk food of choice is chips (both crisps and fries).

Would say a typical day is coffee around 10, a lunch of sandwich or leftovers around noon, a coffee at 1600, a supper around 20:00 because I cook after work and it’s hard to have it earlier. Supper of beans and rice and greens, or meat and rice and greens, or pasta or stir fry, but something creative at least a couple times a week (tonight was poblanos stuffed with black beans, greens, and cheese on a tomato/chipotle sauce). Supper the main meal, not my ideal but most important meal with family. On weekends a late brunch or lunch and meal at teatime only.

If I could have only one sort of meal forever? Beans, rice, and greens.

What things do you do while eating?

I have a terrible habit of watching Youtube while I eat, and then one video turns to ten and I’ve wasted the entire day. I’ve tried just not watching it while I eat, but JUST eating is so incredibly boring that I cave in and turn it on regardless. I can’t get any work done while eating either, since it takes me out of flow...

RBWells, (edited )

Maybe you aren’t eating the right foods? I am older so smaller calorie allocation now and honestly if I don’t enjoy something I don’t eat it. No room for crappy food.

Make or buy something healthy and so delicious you can enjoy it.

And music is a good accompaniment to food, that is engaging but won’t make you mindlessly overeat.

RBWells,

Well, a rude user being rude is not a surprise.

I would say: Reasonable rules, not many, clearly and obviously stated, evenly applied.

RBWells,

Bad, as a % of annual gross pay is about 25% of one year’s pay. Mostly the deficit accrued from when my ex was not working. It’s smaller than it was, but not by much. But moving in the right direction at least.

Plus mortgage on the house and a separate loan for the roof we had put on when we bought it.

RBWells,

There are so many. Father John Misty, the cheeky bastard, writes lyrics so well. In Goodbye Mr. Blue -

When the last time was our last time, if only then I knew that the last time was our last time, would have told you that the last time comes too soon.

And from The Head and the Heart back when they were making magic with Josiah Johnson -

The world keeps spinning, a little too fast. If we don’t slow down soon it might not last. So just for a moment, just for a moment, let’s be still.

RBWells,

Yes.

My ex was a chill stoner who got radicalized on the internet and became an abusive alcoholic raging racist, then got sober but is still an angry right wing asshole.

I was selfish/self-centered as fuck as a teenager and gained patience and perspective over time, I think most people do change in that way, become more aware of others, nicer. Not everyone, obviously. But most.

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